Everybody Loves Cookies
by NeonZangetsu
Summary: Everyone Loves Cookies. Don't they? I certainly hope they do; because if they don't, then I opened this bloody bakery for nothing. Hmm. Maybe I should've tried my hand at a cafe instead. Too late now, I suppose. In my experience, I've found that almost anyone can be plied with sweets; from the hardiest hunter to the most vile of villains. What could possibly go wrong? Plot Bin.
1. Baker's Dozen

**A/N: Yes, yes, I'm aware that Coeur Al'Aran did something similar, and frankly, far better than I ever could. Service with a Smile blows anything I ever did right out of the water, including this. His stories are a bloody addiction of mine, and one I've only recently discovered. Currently reading White Sheep.**

**This is a mere imitation by comparison, and I welcome critiques.**

**Everybody Loves Cookies.**

**Don't they, though?**

**Before anyone complains, this is something of a bin for all my RWBYxNaruto related ideas. Hence the title. Its something similar to A Most Unlikely Collection, but more coherent. Anything you see here won't be made into a story unless folks like it. That's all I have to say on the matter.**

**As ever, I own no references or material. Nor do I get paid to do this.**

**Nothing. Not a cent. Not a penny. No commissions at all. Zilch.**

**Now I'm off to get more tests done on my head.**

**Warm wishes.**

_"What could possibly compel a man like you to open a bakery? You don't seem the sort."_

_"A wise man once said say sweets brings people together. Figured I'd try it out."_

_"And who, pray tell, was he? He sounds like a fool."_

_"Minato Namikaze. My father."_

_~Cinder and the Baker._

**Baker's Dozen**

_Everybody Loves Cookies._

_Don't they, though?_

_Well, I certainly hope they do; because if they don't, then I opened this bloody bakery for nothing. Hmm. Maybe I should've tried my hand at a cafe instead. Eh, semantics. In my experience, I've found that almost anyone can be plied with sweets. From the deadliest hunter to the merest minion. Even the most vicious of villains tend to favor sweets in one form or another. Don't let word of mouth, fool you. I once saw a girl who barely came up to my chest murder a man because he looked at her ice cream. Didn't even touch the damn thing! Just looked at it! True story, I shit you not. Everybody has a sweet tooth for something. Trust me._

_Cakes?_

_Chocolate?_

_Even cookies._

_I prefer the latter._

_Now, I know what you must be thinking; Naruto, you're an idiot. After everything you've said and done, after everything you've been through, after all the battles I've fought, why the hell would you open a bakery in the middle of Vale?! Did you hit your head when you fell out of that portal?!_

_Well. Therein lies a story. _

_To you, a bakery might seem like something of an odd choice. Especially for a shinobi. For me? It seemed a simple one. When you've saved the world half a dozen times over and stranded yourself in a foreign dimension, there really isn't anywhere else left to go. You've done all you can do, and at some point just don't feel like fighting anymore. Its not that you can't, or won't, but that you simply choose not to. So you try to find a hobby, something that makes you happy. Something that makes others happy, too._

_Let somebody carry on the good fight._

_Let someone else be the hero._

_Let something happen._

_My home was at peace when I left it behind; probably still is. Even if it isn't, its none of my concern. They probably don't even remember need me, and its not like I can get back to them. I've had decades to reconcile myself to that fact. __When I first landed here all those years ago -when I first met Ozpin- I had nothing. I didn't want to be a Huntsman, wasn't interested in his crusade, but I helped him anyway. For a time. Gave him a lifetime or two to set up his precious schools. It paid off. __Some might argue that I still have nothing to show for it._

_I...disagree._

_I've spent most of my savings on cooking lessons and the rest building this place from the bottom up. There mistakes, to be sure. Loads of them. Took me a hundred years to get my craft right. Burned down a building or two. Or three. Or four. But I learned; because I had the time. Uzumaki genes have their perks, I suppose. Or maybe it has something to do with Kurama and being a jinchuriki. I don't look a day over twenty. Eternal youth has its perks, I suppose. Never asked for it, but it lets me live life at my own pace. Oz still asks me about it now and again._

_Why baking, you ask?_

_You'll laugh, if I tell you; its more a whim than anything else. __Dad once said food brings people together. Figured I may as well give it a try. Didn't want to run a bar. Couldn't handle coffee. Running a cafe looked like it would be too erratic, though I'm open to the idea. But cakes? Chocolate? Cookies? Sweets? Those I can handle. Hmm. Come to think of it, I might make it a cafe after all. I'm a quick study. I've had ages to perfect my craft. __As for the name...that was a bit of an accident. Didn't even mean to use it at first, but it kinda stuck._

_Baker's Dozen._

_Who needs staff?_

_Shadow Clones For Life!_

_Alright. Time for the first big day!_

_Bring on the customers! How hard can this be?_

_Just flip the 'ol sign here to open and wait for someone-HEY?!_

* * *

_(.0.0.0.)_

* * *

"I SMELL COOKIES~!"

Naruto was many things; ancient, eternal, and quite possibly immortal. Some called him prankster. Others, a hero. Still more named him as villain and betrayer. He had stared down madmen and gods -in that order- and somehow triumphed over them all. Not through with or any brilliant strategy, but through sheer bloody tenacity. If it weren't for an accident years after said victory, he wouldn't have found himself in the world of Remnant at all. In the years hence, he'd fought abominations that would make even Kaguya shiver. Grappled with Grimm the size of buildings. He'd once seen the face of evil herself and bid her a good day. Needless to say, it took a lot to phase him these days.

The small scarlet streak that just shot through his door?

That tiny red _terror_ currently perched on his stool as if she owned the damn thing?

This little bright-eyed creature gazing up at the plate of cookies in his hand with abject _hunger_ in her eyes?

Naruto Uzumaki _feared_ her, and for the life of him he couldn't quite say why. It wasn't her size or stature that did him in; on the contrary, the huntress looked almost harmless compared to someone of his stature. By contrast to his bright colors, the girl wore all red and black, her hood hiding most of her face. Save her exuberant smile and burning eyes. No, he corrected himself as said hood tumbled back to reveal a young face framed by dark hair. Silver eyes. Now where had he seen those before? And why did they remind him of...nah. Probably a coincidence.

"You're open, right?" she chattered at him amicably, all but bouncing in her seat. "The sign _said_ you were open."

He supposed it _was_ her seat now. Didn't look like she'd be leaving until she got what she wanted.

Judging by her earlier declaration, he had a good inkling of what she was after.

Fair enough. He'd wanted a customer, and here he had one.

He just hadn't expected one to arrive so...quickly.

"Aye," he grunted. "We're open."

The girl all but squeaked.

"Yay~!"

Arms still coated with flour brushed themselves against a faded black apron as she met his gaze, leaving a faint plume to stain his blue jeans and orange turtleneck beneath. The girl coughed quietly, wriggling in place like an eager kitten faced with a ball of yarn. She didn't bat an eyelash when a clone stepped up to serve her; that soon changed when she recognized the resemblance, and he the compact weapon concealed against her back. Little bundle of energy, this one. She must be new. No, definitely new. She had that green look about her. Not untested, just...new.

They made huntresses younger and younger these days.

Then again, hadn't the entrance exams been a few weeks back? Hadn't it?

"Ooh! You look just like each other!" the newcomer cooed, glancing between them. "Are you twins?"

Naruto and his doppelganger exchanged a knowing-yet-bemused look. "Something like that." one of them chimed.

Something caught the girl's eye and she flitted across the room in a whirl of red to inspect whatever it was. Well. That was quite the Semblance. At least, he assumed it was one. She certainly didn't lack for any energy early in the morning. Almost made a man jealous; he was hundreds of years old, and even he couldn't be out and about without a generous helping of coffee. Kids these days. How did she even do it? Sure enough, he soon lost track of her again as she blurred to the other side of the storefront.

"What's that?"

"That would be the oven." the faintest smile twitched at his lips.

"And this?" her face squished against a nearby display.

"Warming rack." Naruto indulged her.

"Can I bring my team here?"

"Don't see why not, long as they pay." came the reply. "Anymore questions?"

"Am I your first customer?" she darted away again.

"Yup." he couldn't quite fight the smile

"Sweet~!"

It was like watching an eager kitten chosen the food industry for reasons just such as this one; in part because he wanted to be near the people. See them. Hear them. Talk to them. His fighting days might be done, but that didn't mean he intended to shut himself away from the world. If anything, he welcomed this spontaneity. He just hadn't expected to encounter someone quite so...chatty on opening day. Still, if this was how his days would be, he might reconsider the cafe bit. He'd have to do something about the name of course...unless he decided to keep it. Just had that nice ring, ya know? But for now?

His gaze continued to track the young huntress as she flitted about the room like a hummingbird on crack.

"Can I get you something?" he finally offered her a small indulgent smile. "You look hungry."

Quick as a flash she was back on the stool, legs kicking rose petals in her wake.

"Yup!" Ruby Rose chirruped happily at him. "A plate of cookies, please~!"

In a deft motion he slid a tray in her direction. Her eyes all but lit up.

"Here you go." he smiled. "One plate. Its on the house, kiddo."

"Really?!" She wriggled. "I can pay! You don't have to-

Naruto waved her down. "Nah, go ahead. Enjoy it."

He had no way of knowing what he'd unleashed.

How could he? Hunters were an odd bunch.

He'd unwittingly opened the floodgates.

How very little he knew.

**A/N: *falls over with laughter***

**Ruby really is a joy to write, even by herself.**

**This can't possibly compared to "Service With A Smile" so I'm going my own route.**

**Well, I hope you liked it; this'll be more slice of life and hilarity than the continent-spanning adventures you're all used to.**

**So In the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

**...Revieeeeew, Would You Kindly?**

**They keeps an old man alive.**

**And enjoy the previews.**

**(Previews!)**

_"Sure, we're hiring part-timers. Got any experience?"_

_Nora's smile proved sunny...and somewhat concerning. "Nope!"_

_...why did he have the feeling this decision going to end horribly for him?_

_In for a penny, in for a pound, as they said. As long as she didn't burn the place down._

* * *

_"You?!"_

_"I'll have your head!"_

_A heavy thud interrupted them._

_"Both of you, sit down and finish your desert."_

_"This isn't even mine!" came the redhead's snarl. "As if I would eat something a mere HUMAN made-_

_Blue eyes gleamed back at him and to his dismay, he did just that. __"Sit. Down. Adam. Or die where you stand. Whichever you prefer."_

* * *

_"Hic! I'mma...not drunk...why are there three Yangs?"_

_"Alright, **who** gave Ruby that drink?"_

_Three heads shook rapidly._

_Naruto didn't look up from his glass. "The Schnee did it."_

_Yang tackled her in an instant. "You?!"_

_"I did no such thing!"_

_And Rubly only laughed. __"Whee~!"_

**R&R~!**


	2. Ride the Lightning

**A/N: Warning!**

**This chapter gets a bit...intense towards the end.**

**EDIT: BEGONE FLAMERS! THE POWER OF PRINT COMPELS YOU! THE POWER OF PRINT COMPELS YOU!**

** DISCLAIMER: Yes, yes, I'm aware that Coeur Al'Aran did something similar, and frankly, far better than I ever could. Service with a Smile blows anything I ever did right out of the water, including this. His stories are a bloody addiction of mine, and one I've only recently discovered. Currently reading Professor Arc.**

**Bit of worldbuilding here, hope you like it.**

**As ever, reviews keep me writing. If folks don't review, I tend to think folks dislike a story.**

**I hate to say it, but that's the truth, just a simple statement. Any and all feedback really helps me out.**

**Its funny, I didn't think folks would be terribly keen on this, but it appears that I've been proven wrong. Just everyone's going to show up at Baker's Dozen, from the most influential characters, right down to the background characters. Sometime the heroes and villains will but heads; at other times they'll juuuuuust miss one another. Naruto's not interested in fighting these days, but if someone tries to start something? He's happy to end it. With cake. Lots of cake.**

**As ever, I own no references or material. Nor do I get paid to do this.**

**Nothing. Not a cent. Not a penny. No commissions at all. Zilch.**

**Now I'm off to get tested for that bloody nasty virus.**

**DOUBLE EDIT: Test is done, now I'll try to sleep.**

**Looking forward to your reviews~!**

_"Why did I think this was a good idea again?"_

_"Because you're a softhearted fool?"_

_"Ugh. Raven, I will end you."_

_"Promises, promises..._

_~Baker and a Bird._

**Ride the Lightning**

_If Naruto's first day had been goodness and purity personified..._

"By the gods, you actually did it, you softhearted fool."

...then his fifth was fear incarnate.

Not that she embodied terror per se; on the contrary, given what he knew of her, Raven Branwen could easily be counted amongst the most cowardly warriors in all of Remnant. She was also one of the strongest. And something of an old friend. Those three attributes made for a rather volatile combination. He knew it was her the moment _someone _opened a scarlet portal in the middle of his bakery and strutted right through; the act of which had everyone else fleeing like a flock of startled Nevermore. And didn't that just make his mouth_ twitch?_

...those were paying customers."

A bundle of -stolen!- lien smacked him in the face.

Her arms spread wide, armor clanking softly. "Happy now-mmph?!

A sugar cookie sailed across the room like a shuriken to plug her mouth before she could continued. Raven blinked. Looked down. Frowned. Scowled. Naruto awaited the inevitable explosion, the flurry of sword strikes or worse, but it never came. Instead as he looked on she raised one hand to her mouth, pushed the rest of the confectionery between her teeth and devoured it. He didn't fail to notice that the other had fallen to the hilt of her sword and had yet to move. Oh, no. No no no. He wasn't having any of her petulant little fits today. Not in his house!

Red eyes roved about his humble establishment, assessing its worth before she finally stepped forward.

"Weapons on the rack." he stabbed a finger to the wall, stopping her cold. "Or out you go."

Raven stomped a booted foot, eyes alight. "You know I can't kill you. Even now."

"Doesn't matter. Rack. Weapons. Now."

She almost looked cute. _"Fine!"_

For the merest moments as she complied, Naruto actually entertained the idea of kicking her out solely for spite's sake; just to deny the blackette her oh-so-precious fix and see what would happen. Would she sulk, or fly into a fit of rage? No, that wouldn't work. When Raven wanted something, she _wanted_ something. She'd try to take it from you too, if you weren't strong enough. Say what you would about her past, but Qrow's sister held a flair for the dramatic. She always had, even in their youth. He wasn't sure why he expected anything less from her now. She certainly walked around like she owned the damn place.

Even turned the damn sign around, flipping it to CLOSED.

If she scuffed his floor with that stool, he'd be taking it out of her ass.

"What's the occasion?" he already knew the answer by her face as she laid her arms on the counter.

"Can't I check in on an old friend?" her voice was a silken purr, one he didn't trust for a minute. Not a second.

"You can," Naruto allowed as a small, silent Rasengan began to form in the hand hidden behind his back, "But its been years."

"Has it?" She tilted her head and her eyes burned again. "All the more reason, then. Think of it as a way to celebrate the coming Spring."

If that was Raven's way of telling him she was the new Spring Maiden, she wasn't being subtle about it. Then again, he'd known the moment she'd walked it. You couldn't hide a power like that; not from him. He could see it in her soul a bright red flame burning bright red in her chest. It had to be the Spring; couldn't be anyone else. The Fall Maiden was even now wandering the world under an assumed name; her destination unbeknownst to all save a scarce few. All the while, their enemies assumed -thanks to a clever decoy- that she was still somewhere in Beacon. Last his spies had reported, Amber was safe in Vacuo. Exactly where she should be.

Atlas still had the Winder Maiden, now an old woman, under lock and key.

Vacuo...no. Just now. Nobody much cared about that wasteland these days; because known knew they held the Summer Maiden, strongest and fiercest of the bunch. Raven would have been a fool to pick a fight with that monster. And if that _thing _was mentoring Amber? Not a chance in hell. One Maiden alone was bothersome enough. Two Maidens? Together? Fully realized? Nope. Just nope. You'd need an army to even have a sliver of a chance at those two. Raven was many things, but she wasn't suicidal. And she only had her tribe; those miscreants were no army.

Which left Spring, and an ugly question.

"You killed that girl, didn't you?" he asked. "The one who ran away from Haven."

"I didn't want to." Raven's lips formed a thin line of displeasure as she glowered at him. "But she was weak. I had no choice."

Naruto exhaled and let the Rasengan wither away in his palm. Sometimes he wondered what he'd ever seen in this woman. He'd always had a thing for dark-haired girls. She'd been better once. Better than this. Before all her fear turned her world bitter and cold. He wanted to grab her by the shoulders and shake her; it made him blow out an angry breath, still keenly aware of those rueful red eyes following his every move. Blasted woman, driving away his customers. Not a single soul had dared to enter since she'd turned the sign around. Something told him she wouldn't take kindly to any such attempt on his part.

Still, he had to _try._

"There's always a choice, Raven."

Hooded red eyes regarded him coldly. "You're one to talk."

Naruto felt a spark of something in that instant; an emotion he hadn't experienced in quite some time. Anger. He tamped it down quickly before it could light a flame in his heart. Breathe. He was done letting her goad his hand into action. If she'd come here picking a fight, she wouldn't get it. Still, those words had stung just now.

"Why did I think this was a good idea again?" he grumbled.

"Because you're a softhearted fool?" she smirked.

"Ugh. Raven, I will end you."

"Promises, promises...

"Well." Something ugly reared its head in his heart and he snapped at her. "At least _I_ didn't run away."

"Why you...?!" Raven flinched, actually flinched; but her eyes blazed even hotter. He could see their flames now.

"Like it or not, I know you." when she tried to stand up Naruto chose that moment to act; he seized her shoulders and forced her back into her seat. "You wouldn't come all this way just to brag about being a Maiden." She twisted away and he angled his head to follow her. "You want something. I don't know what it is, but it must be pretty big for you to pop in on an old friend. Now tell me what before I toss you out on your ass."

He didn't expect her to hang her head. Just like that? Had she given up so easily?

Her hair shielded those beautiful scarlet slits, hiding them from view.

...ake." the words were so soft he almost missed them.

Naruto leaned closer. "I didn't catch that-

"I CAME FOR CAKE, DAMN YOU!"

Her head snapped back up with such force that her hair actually smacked Naruto in the face and caused him to jerk back, not with shock, but a laugh. It was her expression that sold it; her cheeks burned a hot pink as she wriggled in place, saffron red eyes gone damp from equal parts shame embarrassment. He started laughing, going from dead silence to full-throated raucous laughter in an instant so suddenly that her face turned scarlet. He'd never forget the sight of her squirming in her seat; watching her squeezed her knees together, it was such a girlish expression that he nearly whipped out his Scroll to take a picture. Bah, he had security cameras for that!

But this moment?

Priceless. Utterly beyond compare. Naruto swore he would never forget it.

"Cake?" he guffawed, wiping a mirthful tear from his eye. "You came all this way for one of my _cakes?"_

"You absolute bastard!" _That _set Raven right off; because she turned into a bird and launched herself at him. It was something she'd only ever done when she was absolutely furious with him; looking back, he wasn't sure why she did it at all. Wouldn't it have been better to use her newfound powers or simply throw a punch? What was she thinking? Regardless, it was his victory.

To her credit, Raven managed to bloody his face with her beak before he got ahold of her. From there? Her attack was doomed to fail.

_"Gotcha!"_

Strong fingers clamped down gently but firmly on her smaller form, holding her fast. She squawked and squirmed, to no avail; his iron grip kept her from changing back. Nipping at his hands did her no good; for every inch of flesh she took, he simply healed. In the end she was left with no other recourse but to glare at him. Yikes. If looks could kill, he'd be a pile of ashes right now. Hard to believe something so small could be this vicious.

"You done?" he asked.

Raven arched her neck, ruffled her feathers, and shot a nasty caw at him.

"Now that's just rude." the immortal wrinkled his nose. "Are you going to behave? Or do I have to put you in a cage for the rest of the afternoon?"

The bird's head bobbed in defeat.

"Good girl."

The moment he let go, Raven reverted instantly; her face still pink, eyes teary from embarrassment. "Gods, I hate you...

"Yeah, yeah, love you too." he sighed ruefully, turning his back on her. "You want dark chocolate cake right? I made a cake like that the other day. I'll see if there's any left over."

He didn't see her stiffen.

She actually favored him with a smile when he returned. It reminded him of happier times. Perhaps she was smiling for the cake. Naruto laid it before her and looked away cleaning a glass as Raven dug into her afternoon desert with singular determination. He even deigned to pour her a glass of milk. Who would have someone so intense would enjoy chocolate?

"So." he began, for lack of anything better to say, "How's life treating you these days?"

"Well enough." she replied evasively around bites. "I still can't believe you did something like this."

"Couldn't be a Hunter forever, you know? Killing Grimm's all well and good, but sometimes you need to kick back and enjoy the simpler things in life." a thought prodded him and he ran with it, leaning forward. "Say, while you're here you should pay Yang a visit." he frowned when she asked for another slice, pulling out a fresh platter for the hungry huntress to devour. "She's a huntress now, you know. Come to think of it, she'll probably be coming by any day."

"No." Raven's response was immediate and expected..

Naruto blew out another angry breath. _"Raven."_

"I said no. She's your daughter. Not mine."

Naruto nearly dropped his two trays.

"Again with that nonsense?"

Raven...hmm. How did he put this delicately? She reminded him of Sasuke, in a sense. Granted, she was far less broody and didn't have a clan to avange, nor did she want to kill her brother but the resemblance was sill there. She had a tendency to sulk when called out on her bullshit, to bottle up her emotions and seethe silently for months until she exploded. She liked to think herself clever. Manipulative. Whereas he had made peace with his old friend long ago, his relationship with Raven -and didn't he hesitate to call it that- was contentious at the best of times. They'd butted heads before in the past. They'd had something once upon a time; once, back when he had been a different man. A lifetime ago, he might have believed her.

"She doesn't look a thing like me." _now_ he batted her words aside with practiced ease born of experience. "Nice try. She's Tai's little girl, through and through, and that's the way she'll stay."

If he even allowed himself to consider otherwise...nope. Not going there.

"She has your eyes and temper. _And_ your strength." the bandit leader's mouth curled in a wry smile, pleased to find herself on firm ground once more. "Enough to tear a giant Nevermore in half. She didn't get those genes from me or Tai, Naruto. She's strong."

_Urk._

"Hmm? Nevermore, you say?" He refused to rise to the bait. "Been watching her, have you?"

"Pfft! What?" Raven choked on her cake. "N-No! I never said that!"

Naruto's grin resembled that of a shark. Point for him.

"You didn't have to." when he went to pour her another glass and fetch her a plate of chocolate cookies, she immediately slapped down more burgled _lien _in payment. He wouldn't have charged her, but if she was going to monopolize his resources and time, he had no compunctions about fleecing her for every bit of cash she had on her person. She'd only steal more when she got back to Mistral. And he'd let her, too. You couldn't lock up a Maiden. She'd just break out. If there was one thing that Raven respected one thing in this world it was strength; only three people in this world held enough of _that_ to make her obey.

"Would've, should've, could've." he shrugged, at a loss. "I wouldn't make a very good father, trust me."

"Then trust that _I_ wouldn't be a good mother." Her red eyes bored into him.

"You could try." Spirits, why was she making this so damned _hard?_

"Its a little too late for that, don't you think?" she sighed.

Blast it all. They were both adults. Why were they dancing around this like a bunch of hormonal teenagers? What they'd had was long gone. Dead and parried. A chance encounter in the night. It should be. They were two different people now, leading different lives. Yet when he looked at her, Naruto just couldn't bring himself to let go of it. She looked...tired. Not old, just hollow. As if someone had reached deep inside her and ripped out all the hope in her heart. It hurt to see her like this. He wanted to help her, to bring back that woman he'd fallen in love with, if only for a night.

"Is it too late for Yang?" the words tumbled out before he could think. "Or too late for us?"

His guest went absolutely still in her seat, eyes growing wide.

_Shit. _he swore inwardly._ Why the hell did I say that?_

"I...Naruto...what the devil did you just say?"

"I miss you, ya know?" he offered mildly.

_Again! Bad tongue! Shut! Up!_

Raven's mouth snapped shut with a tortured click and she ground her teeth in audible frustration. Without warning her hand snapped across the counter to seize his right hand in hers. For a fleeting instant warm fingertips curled around his own. Her eyes met his and something sparked. Her eyes flitted down to his lips and the grasp on his hand turned to searing iron, as though her palm were superheated from within. He could have torn his grasp from hers and she knew it; she waited too; waiting for him to pull away.

When he didn't retreat, Raven do what she knew he would.

She leaped over the counter and grabbed him by the face, smashing her lips against his.

Naruto inhaled sharply in shock as much as surprise when her hands threaded in his hair. That was a mistake.

_Breathing_ sent her scent searing through his nose all over again; she smelled of earth and smoke and just so damn familiar that he couldn't control himself. Her arms formed a loose noose around the back of his neck and his hands seized her waist to drag her closer, feeling the fullness of her hips press against his own. She shrugged free of her armor and breasts smashed up against his chest, sending his pulse hammering furiously in his ears. She wasn't wearing anything underneath that shirt. He'd missed this. He'd missed her, snark and all. She was trying to talk to him, trying to say something, but he wouldn't let her get the first word in.

When they finally broke for air, he offered the only thing he could:

"I really _did_ miss you." It was the right thing to say.

Because Raven absolutely _growled._

Then her mouth was pure avarice against his own, greedy and hungry and tasting faintly of chocolate as her lips tangled with his. She bit his lip and he bit back, kissing the nape of her neck as she arched her body back into his. He fought back as well of course, digging his heels when she tried to shove him down and tear at him; though this in turn led to a drunken sort of dance through the dining hall. A tiny moan fled from her as they grappled with one another, smashing up against a cupboard. Her fingers tangled in the hem of his shirt as one of his hands gently cupped her breasts, furtively trying to find purchase in rough fabric.

Then, all at once, the Spring Maiden jerked away.

"Come away with me." she stepped back, cheeks flushed as she tugged on his sleeve, perhaps the most vulnerable he'd seen in a long time. "Your strength is wasted here. You could...we could...mhm!" Naruto kissed her again, and her words turned to a keening whine before she mastered herself again. "Stop. Stop that, damnit!" but her snarl lacked its earlier rancor as she returned his ministrations tenfold. "I can't think when you do that...

She faltered, words failing her.

"Could what?" with a supreme effort, Naruto managed to master himself and tug her back before she could escape. "Take over the world? I already told you, that's not my shtick. My fighting days are done. If its about Salem-

"Can you stop her?" came the whisper.

"I don't know." he admitted freely, watching his old friend wilt. "Even if I could, I don't think I want to. No, listen." when she tried to retreat he hauled her back, hand coming up under her chin. "There has to be another way. If we run around killing people without knowing their side of the story, doesn't that make us just as bad as the monsters we're fighting?"

"She's killed _millions."_

Blue eyes gleamed red. "I've done worse. Much worse."

Neither denied that; _neither_ had been the best person in their youth.

"You say that, but have you even seen her?" Raven challenged, eyes narrow.

Naruto hesitated. In the end, he chose to tell the truth. "I have. Once. She looks...lost."

"Lost?! That's your excuse?!" Raven exploded. "Damn you! Why must you save everyone?! Why does it always _work?!"_ exasperated, she threw her arms into the air. "Even now you could flatten anyone who stood against you! I _know_ you could find a way to beat _her_ if you wanted! Yet you choose to while away your days doing...this."

"Its called living, Raven." he countered. "Try it sometime. You don't have to go. Stay. Just for now."

"What, and work in your bakery? While away the rest of my life in mediocrity?"

Naruto felt laughter bubble up in him again. "Would it be so bad?"

Raven flinched as if he'd dumped a bucket of water on her.

But there was a smile there. A hint of...something.

"I'll consider it. Not now. Later. Maybe."

He knew she was truly out of sorts; if only because she didn't use a portal. Instead she flounced away from him and out the door as only an frazzled Maiden could. Which is to say she blasted it right off its hinges and took most of the wall with it in her frantic haste to escape. She nearly forgot her weapon and had to double back in a frantic blur. Her gaze flicked towards her armor, but she gave it up, not trusting herself to return and be able to escape again.

It took everything she had just to storm forward.

Naruto dutifully trotted up to the ruined frame and propped it back up again, but not before he flipped the sign back to OPEN. In doing so, he saw Raven risk a glance over her shoulder, only to realize she'd been caught. He laughed and blew a faux kiss at her, watching her pale visage light up. This time, she didn't so much step into her portal as she did _dive._ Something told him he hadn't seen the last of her. It was enough.

The fainest of smiles tugged at his face. "See you around, Rae."

Only then did he truly notice the damage she'd done.

_"Who's going to clean this up?!"_

**A/N: Right, so if anyone is confused:**

**It is HEAVILY implied that Yang was born of Naruto and Raven in this story. Ergo? Naruto's kid, though she doesn't know that.**

***falls over with laughter***

**There we go. The stage is set. NOW LET US BEGIN!**

**Raven is best girl in this story and I dare anyone to convince me otherwise.**

**Writing Raven just hurts, poor birdie really got messed up in the head by life and such. She kinda stole the spotlight there. Really, this was a treat to write. It'll be more story-centric after this. And who knows if Raven is telling the truth? She's a complicated girl. ****We haven't seen the last of her, either.**

**This can't possibly compared to "Service With A Smile" so I'm going my own route.**

**Well, I hope you liked it; this'll be more slice of life and hilarity than the continent-spanning adventures you're all used to.**

**So In the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

**...Revieeeeew, Would You Kindly?**

**They keeps an old man alive.**

**And enjoy the previews.**

**Get ready to smile~!**

**(Previews!)**

_"C'mon, c'mon! You gotta see this place!"_

_Yang allowed herself to dragged along as only a big sister could._

_"Alright, alright! What's got you in such a twist, Rubes? Its only cookies!"_

_"Yang! Cookies are love!" her sibling rounded on her with a gasp. "Cookies are life!"_

_"Riiiiiiiight, forgot who I was talking to for a second there..._

_The last thing she expected was to see Mother._

_Least of all in an apron!_

_In a bakery!_

_"MOM?!"_

_"Say hello to your new father, Yang."_

_"Bwuh?" the blond berserker managed to stutter back._

* * *

_"What happens if I break these so called rules of yours, then?" Cardin growled. "You no good faunus loving piece of..._

_A muffled thud hit the floor a heartbeat later as his ruined body toppled backward with splat._

_Naruto blinked, paused, rubbed a bit of blood off the glass he'd been cleaning._

_"Oh no, I seem to have murdered another criminal. Nora?"_

_"Bury the body in the back?" His assistant beamed._

_Naruto nodded. "Bury the body in the back."_

* * *

_"Who am I kidding? Lets not get overzealous here, old man." Roman lowered the cane. "You've always been a huge piece of shit. If I could kill you, I would. Sadly, the universe seems to frown upon that."_

_A blond brow rose in mild amusement. "Missed you too, Roman. What'll it be?_

_The criminal threw himself into a chair. "Look, unless you're serving something STRONG, I don't want-hey!"_

_Neo nimbly vaulted over the counter to Naruto's side. For his part, the blond actually deigned to spare her a glance._

_"Howdy, squirt. Missed you too. How're things?" He laughed when__ bounced up to kiss his cheek. __"That good, huh? You want the usual?"_

_She only laughed silently at him._

_"Damnit." Roman sighed._

**R&R~!**


	3. Pound Cake

**A/N: ****PLEASE READ THIS NOTE.**

**More flames and trolls, seriously? Why is everyone telling me to die? I know its more than one person, no one individual could be this persistent... T_T**

**EDIT: Hardly any reviews, eh?**

**Sad to say it, but if folks don't review, I'm not able to write. It kills me. Its not an excuse, its the truth. ****After all, I write these stories for free, and reviews are my fuel. Silence...silence just hurts. ****Warning, this chapter gets a bit steamy, after all, its told from Naruto AND Raven's perspective.**

**Chapters will be shorter, but updated more frequently if folks like 'em. Berserker is becoming a pain to write, so here you go.**

**Judging by the reviews and the laughter the last chapter of Embers of Hope received, turns out I write pretty good when I've got a few drinks in me. Makes my humor a bit saucier, but that's just fine with me. Lets try that experiment again, shall we? ****Bottoms up~!**

**If you thought last chapter was good...**

**...ohohohoho you are not prepared. This one's outright insane.**

** DISCLAIMER: Yes, yes, I'm aware that Coeur Al'Aran did something similar, and frankly, far better than I ever could. Service with a Smile blows anything I ever did right out of the water, including this. His stories are a bloody addiction of mine, and one I've only recently discovered. Currently reading Not This Time, Fate.**

**Before anyone asks, nope! Nora stays with Ren this story. Not messing with that. **

**Last time for good measure, reviews keep me writing. If folks don't review, I tend to think folks dislike a story. ****I hate to say it, but that's the truth, just a simple statement. Any and all feedback really helps me out. ****As ever, I own no references or material. Nor do I get paid to do this. Not a bit. ****Nothing. Not a cent. Not a penny. No commissions at all. Zilch.**

**Oh! Which remiiiiiiiinds me...Naruto's king of the castle!**

**Sorry not sorry had to say it! Couldn't help myself.**

**Title is an obvious pun to, at that. =D**

**Looking forward to your reviews~!**

_"Right. Okay. I can do this. I'm not afraid. Raven Branwen fears nothing!"_

_"Mom?"_

_..._

_..._

_...nopenopenope!"_

_~Raven._

**Pound-Cake**

_There was just something about Naruto and the number nine._

Perhaps it had something to do with Kurama, though he'd not spoken to his friend in ages. Perhaps it was simply good luck? Or bad luck. Who could say? Even across worlds and time, the number almost seemed to haunt him, dogging his every step. He oftentimes found himself falling back on it without thinking. Nine cups of coffee -even an Immortal needed a good pick me up- in the morning. A nine mile run before he opened up shop for the day. Nine clones to tend to daily tasks. Nine dead Grimm, just to keep his skills sharp. Nine days in business. Nine flyers sent out to hire potential employees.

In time he'd begun to see something of a pattern; for it was on the _ninth_ day that Raven returned.

By then Baker's Dozen had made something of a tidy profit -even after repairs- so much so, that Naruto had expanded his initial business venture and begun serving drinks alongside sweets. _Drinks with alcohol in them._ A bakery with booze. Just the thought of it made him smile. If that didn't make him a walking contradiction, he didn't know what would. With the power of chakra, a host of other abilities, and an unlimited army of clones at his beck and call...well. Anything was possible when you put your mind to it. Ah, but he digressed.

Thankfully his old flame didn't demolish the door when a portal when she stormed the castle this time. She'd better not! He was King of this Castle. Besides, he'd only just fixed the door.

Of course, that was not to say Raven's return was a quite one, either.

Far from it; when the door crashed open with a cataclysmic crunch, he knew precisely who to expect.

Afternoon sunlight spilled through the cracks, but no one batted an eyelash. Naruto had to fight down a smile at the sight of it. His clientele had long since grown accustomed to such a racket hunters were involved. Raven was no exception, ex-huntress or not. This time, ehr attempt to scare everyone out only earned her a few dark looks and the odd middle finger, nothing more.

Raven absolutely twitched. "Seriously? Nothing?"

Gods she was adorable when she pouted. Naruto wished he could see that expression more often. Something told him he'd be seeing a lot more soon. Because that was one of _his_ flyers clutched in her right hand; he knew the worn brand of paper and recognized the sigil of crossed golden foxes over a plate. She caught him looking and her pale face turned seven stunning shades of scarlet. Naruto didn't taunt her...not yet. She might bolt if he did. Instead he waited for her to commit before he made his move.

Sure enough, she stalked forward and slapped said flyer down on the counter with enough force to crack the wood.

"When do I start?"

"Start what?" Naruto smiled like a shark, savoring the moment. "I'm afraid you lost me somewhere in translation there, old friend."

Raven leaned back, refusing to give him the satisfaction he sought. She wanted to slap him. She almost did. They'd been partners once; she knew exactly what kind of game her old friend was playing and would have none of it. Blast him. He'd always been a snarky little bastard in the past, but now he'd upped his game. She told herself she hadn't come back for him and almost believed the lie. Almost. She'd told herself if was safer here with him than the tribe...at least for a little while. She'd seen the way he fought in the beginning, and he'd only gotten stronger since. She could see in the way he carried himself, even as he pulled a fresh tray of cookies from the oven; there was surety of purpose there that belied his power.

Naruto could've torn down Beacon around Ozpin's head if he wanted to. Thankfully, he didn't.

Salem would be in for a _nasty _surprise if she sent one of her agents to Vale, assuming she ever learned the true identity of the Spring Maiden. Vernal would be cross with her, but _Vernal_ didn't need to understand. She was here for a reason. It had nothing to do with Naruto's sunny smile. He didn't make her feel warm. Wanted. Loved. She _certainly_ didn't want him to bend her over the counter and-

_"Ahem."_

Naruto coughed and for the first time in nearly a decade, Raven actually felt heat rise in her cheeks as his words tugged her thoughts from a pleasant place. Oh gods, it was like being a teenager all over again. She wasn't some blushing maiden! Actually, she was. A maiden of course. Never a blushing one. She refused to admit it. _Blushing was weak. _And she would not be cowed.

"I am here," she forced the words out through gritted teeth, "To take you up on your offer."

"I don't recall making an offer."

She slapped the flyer in his face. "The _job,_ you oaf!"

"Really?" Naruto tilted his head nearly horizontal to peek over the paper. "Got any experience?"

"Some, yes." she relished his brief frown. Summer had gang-pressed her into working at a diner once to pay off a debt. _Once. _Never again. How someone so small could be so _ruthless _was beyond her, but that was a hell she wasn't keen to revisit. Too many customers thought they could have their way with a girl in a skirt. She'd cut off their hands and never looked back. Surely working in a bakery would be a step up from that. How hard could it be? It wasn't as if he had any other takers. She was the only one who'd shown interest, therefore, he _had_ to hire her. He couldn't keep using those clones of his forever. It freaked people out.

"Hello~!"

So when a girl with a _grenade launcher of all things _strapped to her back chose to peruse his establishment, Raven didn't think much of her. Or her outfit. Too much pink and white. And the hair, _ugh._ Not that she looked hideous or anything mind you, it was just the colors that riled Raven so. Far too bright for her liking, and so she resolved to ignore her.

"Hey, mister!" Until said girl elbowed her out of the way. "You make pancakes here?"

Raven paused, reassessing this cheeky little teenager with a wary eye. She'd _felt_ that elbow. Perhaps there was some strength to the girl at all. Not that it mattered.

As if sensing that thought, Naruto smirked. "We do indeed, missy. Interested?"

Her grin turned feral. "When can I start?!"

Bah! The cheek of this girl. As if he'd simply hire her out of the blue...

"You must be Nora Valkyrie." Naruto flicked her a quick smile. "Sure, we're hiring part-timers. Got any experience?"

Nora's smile proved sunny...and somewhat concerning. "Nope! Renny said I should learn some life-skills, though. Cooking counts, right?"

...why did Raven have the feeling this decision was going to end horribly for her? Naruto was no fool. Surely he wouldn't hire this slip of a girl just like that. He wasn't like Tai. He was no trusting fool. He would doubtlessly tell this "Nora" just what he thought of her inexperience and show her the door.

"You can start tomorrow, if you like." Naruto said. "We open at seven. You'll be waiting tables, at first. That alright?"

_Bwuh?_

"Sweet!" Nora chirruped happily and skipped back the way she'd come. "See you then, boss!"

Raven whipped back around and sputtered incredibly. "I...you...why?!"

_"Pardon?"_

Quick as a flash she reached over the counter and grabbed him by the collar. "She doesn't have any experience! She said so herself!"

"And you do?" he blinked faux-innocently.

"Yes!" she released him with a hiss, heedless of the chuckle it earned. "I just told you!"

"Then you're hired." Naruto didn't bat an eyelash, but his shit-eating grin made her want to shriek. His hand dipped behind the counter and flung a bundle of gold red dark blue at her. "Here's your uniform." he chuckled as she caught it. "Shift starts in five minutes. Hope you know how to clean dishes, because that's what you'll be doing tonight."

"You told that girl to come back _tomorrow!"_ Raven howled, jabbing him with a finger. "And waiting tables!"

"Yes." His grin threatened to split his face. "Yes, I did. Now, shoo. Into the back with you."

She reared to her feet and kissed him, drawing a few whistles. "Rotten bastard."

"Would you have it any other way?"

She bit him.

"I'm only joking, of course." Naruto hummed and leaned into her, laughing when they parted. "Seriously, you? Washing dishes? Do I look like I have a death wish?"

"I was beginning to think you did." Raven clicked her tongue as she gave him another shove. Damnit. She _had _missed him. Insufferable snark and all. On a whim, she grabbed him by the sleeve, fingers fisting against the rumpled blue fabric. "You really know how to make a girl feel welcome."

He beamed and pressed his forehead against her forehead. "Missed you too."

This time when his mouth claimed hers it was softer; not tentative -Naruto could never be that- but almost gentle by comparison. Something in her melted and she pulled him closer. Idiot. She'd fallen in love with an idiot like this-no. She was _still _in love with this idiot.

"Bah, get a room, you two!" one of the customers crowed in a bawdy shout. "There are decent folk about!"

Raven nearly skewered him on the spot and it was only Naruto's hand on her arm that stopped her from doing something foolish. Oh gods, she'd thought it was _Qrow_ for a minute. Almost sounded like him, to. She'd never live it down if it was. And hadn't she thought of that when she returned to Vale? No. She hadn't. She hadn't come back for her brother. But Ozpin _was_ in Vale. Yang was here. _Tai_ was here._ Gah._ There was a can of worms she had no desire to open ever again. One fight. One argument. One slip shattered things between her and her old paramour. Who was to say she and Naruto wouldn't squabble and go their separate ways again? They'd only reunited now years after the fact. Who was to say they wouldn't separate once more?

Aaaaaaand here came the panic.

He must've sensed her fear; because he drew her aside. "In the back. We can talk there."

"Good. Your clones can keep them busy." Raven flounced off, tugging him away with her. "Have them make a pound cake or something."

"Why, is that a _command_-alright, alright, alright!" he laughed as her open palm cracked against the back of his head. "Ha! That tickled! You heard her, boys!"

Raven hissed softly at her smarting fingers as she pulled him into what served as a break room, all the while keenly aware of the pain in her hand. Even now she could feel the bones creak ominously. Tickled? She'd nearly broken her hand on his skull just now. Well, it confirmed her suspicions. He'd gotten stronger. When they were younger, she'd at least been able to injure him a little. Now? He hadn't batted an eyelash. Damnit, he didn't even have Aura and she had all the power of a fully realized Spring Maiden in her body now. Would she ever bridge the gap?

"Well, welcome home."

Naruto followed her into the back as she anticipated, but rather than approach when she let go of is hand, he seemed content to wait.

Raven flicked a glance for her surroundings; she wasn't impressed.

In hindsight it couldn't really be called a break room, the space was little more than a large alcove meant for storage with a table and a chair stuffed shoved into a corner. A fan creaked lazily overhead, providing a faint breeze that did jack all against the heat of the ovens. She'd have to do something about that. Naruto was many things, but an artist wasn't one of them. He likely didn't feel the heat, but Raven did, and it worsened her mood. Her mind whirred. Maybe knock down a few falls, expand the space, get some proper ventilation back here...that would be better.

And he was _still_ staring at her, trying to figure out what to say.

"Turn around, you perv." she swiped at him lazily.

Naruto did as she bid but made it clear he wouldn't be leaving. Instead he settled against door frame and crossed his arms. So that's how it was. He wanted to listen to her squirm at the very least. Bah! Challenge it was, then! Raven shed her clothes quickly but kept her undergarments, relishing the way he stiffened as the fabric rustled and fell to the floor. He might not be able to see her, but he could certainly hear her. She'd drag every reaction out of him. Served the bastard right. She almost considered approaching him, but thought better of it. She was still cross with him for his earlier antics.

So she considered the uniform instead.

It was...surprisingly tasteful, all things considered. She'd expected a maid's uniform or worse -Naruto could be a vicious prankster when pressed- but the uniform looked like a simple civilian dress wrapped in a white apron slightly faded by time. Where did he get this? A thrift shop? Oh, its colors matched those he wore to be sure, shades of dark navy blue embossed with hints of cold alongside long sleeves, but it was still nowhere near the horrors she'd been dreading. There was even a slit near the thigh to allow her free range of movement, and the skirt ended well above her ankles, eliminating any possibility of tripping.

Raven still didn't like it. "Do I have to wear this?"

"Yup." he chirped. "Why? Something wrong?"

She _growled. _"Naruto, this is a dress."

He sniffed. "Its a uniform."

Oh, no. They were not doing this again. Even if she couldn't see his face, she could _hear_ the impish smile in his voice; see his shoulders shaking in barely repressed mirth. A wise woman would've ceded the fight and taken the opportunity to strike later. Not Raven Branwen. She was too stubborn to concede a fight, to ignore a slight, no matter how small it might be. Least of all when it came from an old flame.

_"Dress."_

"Uniform.

"Dress." she spat.

His smile didn't waver. "Uniform."

_"Aaargh!" _

In the end, the mighty Raven Branwen was forced to concede the battle and yanked the uniform -DRESS!- over her head. This wasn't over. He would rue this day. Rue! No one messed with her. Not even him. She'd find a way to get him back for this if it was the last thing she did.

"Its going to be alright, you know."

"Is it, now?" Raven scoffed the sudden statement as she pulled on the uniform, sweeping it over her head. "I don't think it will be. I don't know why I came back."

"Yes, you do." he didn't look at her, but she saw his shoulders slump in relief. "And for the record, I'm glad you did."

Her face burned as she pulled her hair free from the neck hole. "Shut up."

Huh, she was surprised. Blasted thing actually fit. Not too snug, but not too loose, either. Didn't even feel like a uniform. Just...clothes. She pulled the apron on, scoffing slightly at the pair of golden foxes carefully stitched into the fabric. It was odd, seeing them. Naruto never gave a fig about stitching or sowing before, yet this was done with the work of a master. More than that. Something in the fabric sang to her, leaving her skin cool in spite of the head and long fabric. It didn't take Raven long to make the connection.

"Did you weave chakra into this?"

"Got it in one." he slapped his hands. "Its no armor, but it'll hold up in a fight."

"Aw," sarcasm dripped from her voice. "Didn't know you cared that much about little 'ol me."

A beat of companionable silence passed between them, neither willing to break it. Raven shuffled awkwardly. Naruto blew out a sigh.

"I don't work with Ozpin anymore, if that's still bothering you." he'd likely said that to break said the silence, but it relieved her all the same. "We don't see eye to eye. My fighting days are done."

Liar. They clearly weren't; not if he could take a slap from a Maiden and laugh it off. He'd either kept up his training or at the very least, left his skills sharp. Even if he was done with Ozpin -and she believed he was- there was still the possibility of him becoming an enemy somewhere, or so her paranoia said. She wasn't sure which was worse; the idea of fighting Naruto...or loving him again. This was her fault. Perhaps she should've stayed away. Should she? It wasn't too late to create one of her portal and leap through her it. But her heart twitched traitorously at the thought, keening like a forgotten child at the idea of leaving again.

"And yet you've gotten stronger." so she took the bullhead by the wings instead. "Don't think I haven't noticed."

A blue eye peeked over his shoulder and she caught the hint of a grin. "Didn't say I got _soft."_

She accepted the challenge for what it was. "You can turn around now."

Naruto did so. Whistled. "Huh. Ya' look good."

Remarkably, he didn't snark any further than that. Oh he looked he wanted to, but the sight of her seemed to steal his breath away. Raven preened. Of course she looked good. Her figure was a source of pride as much as it was her strength. Becoming the Spring Maiden had only further enhanced that beauty. Humming, she presented her back to him. She supposed that sealed her. There were precisely _three_ people she would willingly turn her back on in this world and still feel safe around. One of them was dead. The other was her brother. Naruto was the third.

"Fix my hair." it was not a request.

Warm breath seared the back of her neck. "What we talking about? A braid?"

She shook her head and he did the opposite, carefully binding it back into a rough ponytail with a scrunchy she provided.

"What happened to Vernal?"

"Left her with the tribe." Raven hummed as his fingers worked her scalp. "And watch those hands, mister.

A truth, albeit a half one. So long as her apprentice remained in Mistral, she had an instant portal out of this hellhole. If something happened, if her enemies came for her...she needed an escape route. So long as the girl didn't get it into her fool head to follow her, all would be well.

"Where will you be staying?"

"With you, of course." A blood-red eye regarded him over her shoulder as he worked. "You wanted me here, I'm here." she turned to face him as he released her ebony tress and planted a hand on her hip, shifting forward ever so slightly. "I hope you're happy with yourself; you'll not be getting rid of me that easily."

Naruto quirked a brow. "I still snore, you know."

"And _I_ hog the covers, if you recall." she shot right back, unable to keep the smile from her face as she stepped to him. "That a problem?" Damn him. Damn him for making her feel young again. This wasn't going to last. Happiness never did. It was only temporary. She'd do something to piss him off, or he'd set her off with one of his pranks. They'd grow tired of one another. This couldn't last. Because if it did, it made _her_ the fool. And that? That made her feel like shit. She'd been the one to run when things got tough. He hadn't. Why was he being so bloody patient with her? Why was he _trying?_

He considered her words for a moment and shrugged. "Nope."

Raven's eyes blazed with scarlet flames as she dragged his mouth down to hers.

Naruto inhaled sharply; if there was one thing she took pleasure in, it was her ability to get a reaction out of him. She always did.

And this?

She _delighted_ in pushing him away from her, hearing him growl in frustration. He reached for her hips but she ducked away, leaving his hands clutching at empty air. He could have pursued her. Chased her down, tackled her, nailed her to the floor and made sweet, sweet love to her. Gods knew she wouldn't be able to escape from him if he took it into his head to actually exert himself. That he didn't do so now suggested a level of control that hadn't been there before.

Naruto sighed. "Wow, Rae. Even I'm not that cruel."

"You'll get more later...if you're good."

_"Cruel, cruel woman..._

You couldn't force Raven Branwen to do something. Anything for that matter. If you did, she would just rebel. You could nudge her, suggest things, but any choice she made had to be done of her own volition. Oh, she was rude and flighty and _damn _did she look good in that dress, but he believed in her all the same.

Was this petty of him? Perhaps it was.

Raven had a strong personality; for all her cowardice, she could be incredibly stubborn when she wanted to be. So could he. It was part of the reason they'd gotten together all those years ago, and one of the reasons he was still so keen on her now. Opposites attract, or so the saying went. Bollocks. So what if she'd been unfaithful? So what if she told half-truths? It didn't change who she was at her core. When he looked at her, he still saw the woman he'd fallen in love with all those years ago. That hadn't changed. Of course he still wanted to bend her over and-

"Hello?" an unfamiliar voice called, causing them both to jump. "Is the manager in?"

They parted with more of a growl than an actual sigh. "Guess that's our cue."

Raven followed him back out front...and absolutely froze.

_It was then that things went pear-shaped._

* * *

_(.0.0.0.)_

* * *

"C'mon, c'mon! You gotta see this place!"

Yang allowed herself to dragged down the sidewalk as only a big sister could. Which is to say she bore Ruby's singular enthusiasm with a chagrined grin. The rest of their team? Slightly less so. Say what you would about Ruby's love of cookies, but when her little sis' was determined? _She was determined. _So much so as to drag her new team out her the first chance she got.

"Alright, alright! Slow down!" she laughed. "What's got you in such a twist, Rubes? Its only cookies!"

_"Yang!_ Cookies are love!" her sibling rounded on her with a gasp. "Cookies are life!"

"Cookies will rot your teeth." Weis warned, tapping her forehead.

Blake laughed softly. Ruby gasped.

_"Weiss! That's heresy!"_

"Riiiiiiiight, forgot who I was talking to for a second there." Yang rolled her lilac eyes.

All told, Baker's Dozen didn't look that impressive. Just a humble little bakery. Nothing special, at least from the outside. Ruby insisted they made the best cookies, and she'd been dying to drag them here for nearly a week now. Weiss was...well, less than keen on the idea, but she'd eventually rolled over, as she always did. Blake? Blake barely spoke a word. Kitty-kat had claws, but she hadn't shown them since initiation. She'd have to do something about that. She had her ways.

"Hello?" Ruby called, placing one had to the side of her mouth as they swept inside. "Is the manager in? We've come for cookies~!"

"Don't have to say it like that, Rubes."

Silver eyes rounded on her. "Cookies are no laughing matter, Yang!"

"Hey!" an unfamiliar laugh answered her sister, and Ruby was off like a shot. "If ain't little red riding hood!"

The next thing that struck Yang as odd were the clones.

At least, she assumed they were clones, because there was no way in _hell _nine identical men in matching outfits could be related. One of them walked right up to them and greeted Ruby with a plateful of cookies, pausing to ruffle her hair as the girl happily accepted her treat. Wait, what was this, a Semblance of some sort -how wrong she was!- or something? Shouldn't be. Those suckers were _solid. _Seriously. Hello~! There was just no way they could be clones, even Blake's vanished with a good whack and they couldn't do anything like this.

She didn't see her partner perk up behind her, bow twitching just so.

"Are you real?" it was the most she'd said all day and Yang took immediate notice.

"Oh, we're real." the one with the platter flicked her forehead, drawing a glower from the girl. "Each one of us. I take it you have a similar Semblance?"

Suddenly those Amber eyes seemed just a little bit sharper than Yang remembered. Huh. He'd managed to catch her interest. She wasn't sure if that was a good thing, but an indignant snort captured her attention before she could think to rescue her. Ruby was happily savoring her cookies -without paying for them!- and Blake was even now engaging one of the blond's in a vigorous discussion. Which meant...

_"This_ is where you wanted to take us?" Weiss turned up her nose. "This place is a dump!"

"Oh, look." another of the clones sidled up to her. "A Schnee. You wouldn't happen to be related to someone named Winter, would you?"

Weiss blinked, the hot air rushing right out of her sails. "That's my sister, yes. How do you know her...?"

Yang watched the dopelganger's face narrow in mild annoyance. "I'd rather not say."

"If it ain't obvious, the boss is busy." One of the other milling copies jerked a thumb to the back for her. "But he'll be out any second now. And you are...?"

"Yang." she snapped off a snarky salute and shook the man's hand when he offered it. "Whoa! Quite a grip you've got there!"

Startled blue eyes blinked back at her, then narrowed thrice as fast. "Wait. Did you just say Yang...?"

"Um...yeah?"

The clone's expression turned strained. "Of course you did. Well, the boss isn't gonna like this...

"Don't ignore me!" Weiss stomped her foot behind them. "Hey! Listen! I'm talking to you!"

"Oh dear, I thought I just felt a breeze~!"

The heiress turned incandescent.

_"Why you...?!"_

Yang expected many things to follow, chaos at the very least. Ruby hadn't been wrong; this place was interesting, if a bit homely. Even with four of the clones having peeled off to engage each of them, five more were still busying themselves with other customers. Almost made her jealous. She liked her Semblance and all, but this one was the epitome of multitasking. Unless they were all brothers or something. Which would be weird. Cool, but still weird. As such, she wasn't paying much attention when a bell chimed from the back, heralding a new arrival.

The _last_ thing she expected to see was her Mother. Least of all in an apron!

In a bakery!

"MOM?!"

Raven was entirely of the same mind; because she couldn't do this. Nope. She hadn't signed up for this. She wanted to bolt, but Naruto's iron grip on her shoulder prevented her escape. He made a point not to look at her despite the angry whine she gave. Bastard. That utter bastard. Had he planned this? No, he looked just as startled to see Yang as she was. Heh. At least she could take some small spiteful satisfaction in his stupefied gaze right now. She hadn't been lying; she was certain Yang was _his_ daughter. Not matter what Tai might think.

And said daughter was currently gaping at her like a fish.

"Ruby, what the hell?!"

"I'm sorry!' her sister wailed. "She wasn't here last time! I didn't see her!"

"Shit-I mean, welcome!" To his credit, Naruto -whom she assumed to be the original- recovered quickly, humming heedless of Yang's stricken expression. "Well, I see you've made yourself at home. Anybody want cake? You can eat it, too."

Yang twitched at the obvious pun but didn't rise to the bait. Not so, Raven, who was all too happy to throw Naruto under the bus. So she said the one thing that came to mind, the one thing she knew would distract her daughter. She took vindictive pleasure in it. So smiling, she pushed him forward. "Say hello to your new father, Yang."

Yang had only one word for her mother. _"Bwuh?"_

"Poundcake? Naruto offered.

It was super effective.

_Yang fainted._

**A/N: Bring on the puns.**

**Next chapter picks up here.**

**As in right where we just left off, folks.**

**Aaaaaaaaaaand Raven steals the show again.**

**Seriously, damn birdy just writes herself these days! Sheesh!**

**And oh god Naruto just hired Nora. Get ready for pancakes. Chaos and pancakes. And drunken Ruby next chapter.**

**Orginally, I WANTED to focus this chapter on Yang, but Raven swooped in and stole my hands. ****Maybe I have a soft spoke for hard cases like her. She's not quite tame in this chapter, but neither is Naruto. They're both flawed, both imperfect, and as such seek solace in one another. I've yet to delve into their past for obvious reasons, but its been heavily implied that Raven...well, she's made her share of mistakes, -sleeping with Tai, deceiving him to raise Yang, etc!-but she feels regret for them. ****Oh, and Raven's here to stay. Wonder how that'll change things.**

** This story won't have a big pairing, frankly, it would mess with the dynamic I'm setting up.**

**Worry not, there will be some action in this story, you have but to wait. I might write a detailed story entailing just how Naruto and Raven met and got together down the road, but that's something years down the road. Need to get my other stories finished first.**

**So In the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

**...Revieeeeew, Would You Kindly?**

**They keeps an old man alive.**

**And enjoy the previews.**

**Get ready to smile~!  
**

**And before anyone asks? Yes, Deery is an actual character in RWBY albeit a minor one.**

**Feel free to Google her. ****Whyever did I say that? Heh. Keep reading.**

**(Previews!)**

_Urk, this was awkward._

_Naruto sighed. "Wanna spar?"_

_Yang shot right out of her seat with a grin. "You're going down old timer."_

_Nevermind. He took back any and all thoughts on this girl who may-or-may not be his daughter. He was going to kick her ass._

* * *

_"Hic!" the young huntress swayed in her seat. "I thought it was milk! I'mma...not drunk...why are there three Yangs?"_

_Yang sucked in a breath through her teeth. "Alright, who gave Ruby that drink?"_

_Three heads shook rapidly. Raven pointedly hid the bottle behind her back._

_Naruto didn't look up from his glass. "Pretty sure the Schnee did it."_

_Weiss looked absolutely betrayed. "I did no such thing!"_

_Yang tackled her in an instant. _

_Ruby only laughed. _

_"Whee~!"_

* * *

_Ozpin cleared his throat. "Raven-_

_"Nope."_

_"If you would just-_

_She crossed her arms. "Nope."_

_"You know, this is very unbecoming of-_

_"Nope nope nope nope nope." she talked over him._

* * *

_So hungry..._

_The gun clicked against his stomach. "Hands up."_

_Naruto smiled down at her. It was all teeth. "Deery, was it? You know how to use that?"_

_"Y-Yes! Of course I do!" __How did he know her name?! No. __She couldn't falter. Not now. "Empty the register, old man."_

_"Nope." Much to the starving girl's annoyance, her mark continued to smile at her like a patient parent. "I don't think so. My employees worked hard for that money, and I need to pay them this week. What kind of boss would I be if I stiffed them on their first paycheck."_

_"Why you...?!"_

_"Tell you what, squirt." a hand reached up and seized the pistol, gripping the barrel with enough force to make the metal buckle. "For decency's sake, I'll give you one shot." blue eyes widened with glee as she struggled to pull her weapon away. "What's wrong? You said you were prepared for this. Take the shot. Make it count...oh, nevermind." blue eyes drifted past her. "Times up."_

_A bloody red blade settled against the thief's throat from behind. "Dinner and a show. How sweet of you."_

_"Don't kill her, Raven." Naruto plucked the gun from her hand. "I like her. She has potential."_

_"You and your strays." She shrugged. "If you say so. Sorry kid, nothing personal."_

_Deery raised her hands. "Um...mercy, m'lord?"_

_And then there was pain._

* * *

_"You look like shit, brother. Drinking again?"_

_Qrow nearly swallowed his flask. __"Me and my bad luck..._

* * *

_"Strawberry shortcake, please."_

_"You're becoming something of a regular here."_

_Cinder Fall preened as her favorite treat appeared before her. _

_"Am I? And that was fast." she hummed in appreciation. "Keep this up and I might have to steal you."_

_"You can try," came Naruto's humming reply as he poured her a tall glass of milk, "But I'm afraid I've already spoken for."_

_"Are you, now?" A dark brow arched as she considered his worn hands. She saw no ring. "That can change. You'll find me very...persuasive."_

**R&R~!**


	4. Bottoms Up

**A/N: ****PLEASE READ THIS NOTE, WOULD YOU KINDLY?**

**Gah, trolls all over this story as usual. Made peace with one, but that only seems to have stirred up the rest. Still hoping we can all just get along...and whether I mention them or not, they still come. Hence the making peace with them part.**

**What do you think of this chapter? What would you like to see updated next? All Things Must Die? Or perhaps Embers of Hope?**

** By all means, let me know in your reviews. I can't write if I don't know what you want.**

**Well, I hope folks like this chapter, given the light it sheds on things. Reviews are my lifeblood, after all. ****This chapter is short, sweet, and...emotional. Vividly so. ****and I'm sure we all know Raven has a warped idea of what love is. Poor Yang. ****With that said, lets clarify things here for the final time, since I'm still getting the odd question about it. **

**Also, a LOT of people want that NarutxRaven prequel story but I'm holding off on it.**

** Naruto and Raven had/have a past together. That's obvious. I've all but said that Yang is their daughter in this story, though she believes otherwise. They're clearly keeping it from her to an extent and are content to let her continue on as she has always been. Case in point. Raven deliberately phrased her response as "Meet your new father" last chapter, rather than "Hey, this guy's your real dad. Tai isn't." Abandoning a child -nevermind u****nfaithfulness!- is a nasty bit of business and I'd rather not delve too deeply into that in a humorous story.**

**Also, we're going with Food/Drink themes for chapters, if that isn't obvious.**

**Of course Yang, being Yang, gets the wrong idea about aaaall of this, which means chaos ensues.**

**As ever, I'm open to title suggestions and the like. Feedback keeps my wheels rolling. Looking forward to your reviews~!**

_"You left me! You LIED to me! You had me...and...and then you decided you didn't want me. You threw me away. Why?!"_

_"Did I leave you alone? No. Yang, I left you with people who I knew would care for you. Tai and Qrow did a good job. Summer was a better mother than I could ever be."_

_~?_

**Bottoms Up**

_Was this death?_

Yang almost wished it were; if only because death meant she would've have to open her eyes and face the day. Everything hurt. She was already fit to die from embarrassment before she remembered where she was and once she did? Well. She _desperately _didn't want to open them. Her mouth was bone dry, her ears ringing, her entire body entirely too stiff and her eyelids felt like someone had scrubbed them raw with sandpaper. From the inside.

So, yeah. Eyes? Not opening!

Today was meant to be a simple day out in Vale with her team; one free from any nasty surprises.

Surprise, Yang! Raven's back! Surprise! She was right under your nose this entire time! Surprise! She shacked up with someone else! Surprise! She doesn't care one bit about you! Surprise surprise SURPRISE! _Raargh! _No more surprises! By the Brothers if she heard that word o_ne more time_ she was going to PUNCH-

_"Surprise~!"_

Icy water splashed across Yang's face, dousing her head and hair alike with brisk dispatch.

"Gah!" Her body betrayed her and she jerked upright, snarling like an angry Beowolf. "Coldcold_cold!_ What the hell?!"

"Sorry about that." a familiar bass voice rumbled in her ringing ears as she flailed about in search for the culprit. "You weren't moving. Ruby was starting to get worried."

Yang blinked the water away, scrubbing at her face with the back of a hand. "Dad?"

"Well." Someone made a choked sound as her vision swam back into focus. "That's not something I ever thought _I'd_ hear."

A familiar pair of baleful blue eyes nearly the same shade as her own gazed back at her. Nope. Definitely not dad. Tai wasn't that tall and his hair wasn't quite that spiky. It was that baker from before, the one that Ruby seemed so keen on. What was his name again? Naruto? Ah, there's the one. A small, wistful smile greeted her gaze, one quickly wiped away by him as Yang tried to stand. An awkward, heavy weight settled against her back and all thoughts of familial ties were promptly forgotten.

"Did you get my hair wet?" she absolutely hissed.

...surprise?" her fellow blond gulped.

Yang's eyes blazed red and she threw a wild haymaker at his head. It landed neatly in an open palm as warm fingers closed around it. In a single seamless movement this supposed "baker" wrenched her arm down to the side and yanked her forward. She tried to headbutt him for it and immediately paid the price; burning stars burst behind her eyes as she bounded back. Gah?! What was his skull made of, pure metal or something?! She had Aura for crying out loud and that hurt her! Bloody monster!

"Now, now." her host sighed as she toppled back to the floor. "Lets not do anything you'd regret."

Had it all been a dream?

No, when she raised her head she glimpsed Raven -she refused to call her Mother- seated by the bar, bottle in hand. One she was even now knocking back. As she looked on her mother -damnit!- drained the bottle dry and tossed haphazardly it over her shoulder. One of Naruto's attending clones caught and disposed of it, while a second handed her another, one she went to work polishing off. With a vengeance. It certainly helped that the customers had left long ago. Perhaps that was Naruto's doing. Perhaps not. Who could say?

The lack of an audience for this was...nice, she supposed. And why was everything still blurry?

"Easy there," Naruto hummed suddenly, capturing her attention once more. "You took quite the tumble when you fell. Cracked your head against a table and everything. Headbutting me just now made it worse."

She tried to speak, but only gibberish emerged.

"See? Definitely a concussion." Naruto sighed. "Hold still, you silly girl."

Before Yang could think to protest, a tan hand pressed itself against the side of her head. Not a heartbeat later, it pulsed with a shroud of soothing green light; what was this, his Semblance or something? No, no, that didn't make sense. Those clones were his Semblance. She was sure of that much. Which meant this was something else. You couldn't have a second Semblance. It just wasn't possible _whatinthebluehellwashedoing?!_

Yang sucked in a sharp breath through her teeth as a strange, heady sensation subsumed the back of her scalp.

_"Heeeeey_ that feels pretty good." She slurred, looking up at him blearily. "Whatcha doing?"

"Fixing your cracked skull." came the sigh. "Stop squirming."

"Lightweight." Raven croaked from her seat.

_"You wanna go?!"_

Yang swung herself upright with a roar, only to find herself hauled back down once more. Lilac eyes blazed red, but the grip on her shoulder was ironclad; in no time at all she found herself wrestled to floor and forced to be still yet again. This time, the hand didn't leave her shoulder, even as that glowing green palm alighted on her battered head once more.

Naruto snorted. "Ignore her. She's drunk. And about to be cut off."

"What?! No! Never!" Raven hissed and clutched the bottle to her bosom; it did interesting things to her chest. "Mine!"

"The second you let go of me," Yang began to twitch, "I'm gonna talk to her. Hard. Repeatedly. With my fists."

"You could do that," that same hand combed through her hair, drying the soaked mane with some strange technique she didn't understand. Whatever it was felt even better than what he'd done to her head. "Or you could sit her like a good girl and let me fix your hair. Its the least I can do." there was something about the way he'd said those words that made her want to question him, but she held her tongue. She could count the number of people she trusted with her golden locks on one hand. This man wasn't among them. Yet this felt comforting. Familiar, as he hummed at her. Almost as if...

"And now we have company."

"Yang!" Ruby flitted to her side in a rush of petals, and the moment was lost to her.

"Don't worry about her, little red." the baker soothed. "She'll be fine in a minute.

The scythe master frowned. "Don't call me that. You sound like Torchwick."

"Torchwick?" A blond brow rose. "I knew a woman in Mistral by that name, once. Haven't heard it in ages. She a friend of yours?"

Raven went terribly still at the bar, fingers going white-knuckled around her bottle. With her back firmly planted to her, Yang had no way of noticing. Perhaps, had she bothered to look over her shoulder, she might've seen something interesting. Alas, she missed it and the moment was lost when she looked.

"Ugh, no!" meanwhile. Ruby wrinkled her nose. "Roman's a thug! And a creep! And a boy! _Definiteeeeely_ a boy!"

"Roman?" Naruto's expression turned contemplative. "How old would you say he was? Humor me."

"I dunno...twenty-something?" Ruby shrugged helplessly. "Why? Do you know him?"

"Hmm." his frown deepened. "Not, not him, but that_ name... _

Yang was almost certain she'd missed something; or _was _missing something at the very least. Raven uttered the blackest of oaths and Naruto's expression had turned positively radiant, as though he'd discovered a great and mighty secret, one he wasn't keen on sharing. Worse, her _mother _was chugging another bottle as if it were her last.

_"As fascinating as this is,_" Yang growled. "Can I have my hair back?"

Naruto reluctantly complied, and she wriggled free.

"How long was I out?" she asked.

"Eh, about an hour." her fellow blond waved a hand dismissively. "Long enough for birdie here to start drinking. Guess some things run in the family."

Yang didn't know the truth -that this man was her blood- and so both failed to understand and meet the challenge. Run in the family? The hell did he mean by that? Oddly enough, her confusion seemed to bring a strange measure of relief to him as much as her silence. Before she could think to try and press the matter further, their host changed subjects.

"By the way, Ruby drew on your face."

The little huntress recoiled as though she'd been struck. "Lies!" she cried! "It was Blake!"

"Nice try." their sullen teammate appeared at her elbow. "I was out in the yard."

_"He has a yard?!"_

"In the back, yes." Naruto sniffed. "I can vouch for her. She was with one of my boys. Her semblance...well, its fascinating."

"I could say the same for yours." to her surprise, the girl granted him a small smile. "You've given me a few ideas."

Was it Yang's imagination, or did Blake's bow wiggle when she spoke? Did she still have a concussion.

Ruby flailed, searching for someone to blame. Weiss glared her into silence before she could dare to speak. Raven laughed and flipped her off the moment she opened her mouth. And so it was that small silver eyes swung on the sole person remaining. Naruto's grin reminded Yang of a shark; because it sealed her fate. "My handwriting ain't that sloppy, kid."

"You promised you wouldn't tell!" she pouted.

_"Ruby?!"_

"Gack!" she ducked Yang's arm. "I've been had!"

"See?" Naruto was merciless in his calm. "She admits it."

Ruby howled condemnations and tried to tackle him, only to find herself held back by a single finger. Now that Yang thought to look as she scrubbed down her face, she was somewhat chuffed to find that the rest of her team -even Weiss!- had gathered around to check on her. Even Blake...who she realized was now sporting a black eye. Wait. When had she gotten that?

"Alright, kiddos." Naruto clapped his hands, "Now that we're all conscious, break's over. Back to work with you."

Ruby deflated. "Awww, just when it was getting good."

"Considering you weren't getting anywhere with me? Wouldn't call that good."

"LIES!"

Naruto flung a pair of warm cookies at her like twin frisbee and Ruby caught each with her teeth.

"What was that, trooper?" he laughed at her. "I was under the impression you _enjoyed _being paid to taste-test my stock. Was I mistaken?"

"No sir!" the little huntress somehow managed to both swallow and salute all at once. "Not all sir!"

"Then be off with you!"

Sure enough, Ruby vanished behind the counter in a flurry of red petals.

Apparently "work" consisted of just that; Ruby tasting sugary treats and rank them accordingly, Blake being bustled outside by a clone, where she was promptly set upon by said doppelganger and forced to liberally apply her semblance in what could only loosely be called training, while Weiss...well. She didn't really have words for what Weiss was doing. Because she wasn't doing anything. Just standing there, idly scuffing her foot against the floor.

"What about me?" she asked softly.

"What about you, Schnee?" Naruto tilted his head and Weiss turned red.

"Here." He lobbed a clean rag at her. "Those tables aren't going to clean themselves."

_"Hey!"_

Alright, maybe this guy wasn't so bad after all. With a long suffering sigh, Yang allowed herself to hoisted upright to her feet. It still felt surreal, like a dream. Come to think of it, why had she passed out in the first place? She remembered walking in, seeing Raven and then she'd said...said...oh. Oh, dear. Oh gods. "Meet your new father."

Unfortunately, her brain chose that moment to recall that rather unpleasant remark.

The implications made her face twitch.

"Earlier, you said...

"He's your new father, yes." Raven called out from the bar yet again, her smile just a shade of short of smug. Yang nearly conked out all over again. This. This was the woman she'd been trying to find for as long as she could remember, a woman only ever glimpsed in photographs. They really did look alike. Almost eerily so. Had she really been so easy to find? She stole a glance at the woman who had given birth to her, for she could never call her mother, not after what she'd done, and Raven looked right back.

"Drink?" she hefted the bottle.

Huh. Maybe they were more alike than she thought. "Gods, yes."

Ordinarily she wouldn't drink like this. But here? Now? She drank the whole bloody bottle.

She'd dreamed of this moment for so long; of what she would say, what she would do. Raven had always been a goal, someone to pursue, someone to chase...someone to demand answers from. Now that she was here in the flesh, Yang felt her resolve waver. Right. She could do this. She needed to stay calm. Breathe. If she exploded into a fury, Raven would just run off again. Be calm, she willed herself as a clone set another bottle down between the two of them. Be still as a lake-

Anger stole the choice from her.

"Why?" she demanded, claiming the seat opposite her. She drank deeply. It burned as it went down.

Raven frowned into her own bottle and mirrored her a moment later. "Why...what? You'll have to be more specific than that."

_"You left me!"_ Those words ignited everything like dry kindling, waking the dragon within in a howling fury. "You LIED to me! You had me...and...and then you decided you didn't want me!" it all tumbled out; the dam was breached and there cold be no holding back the floodwaters. "You threw me away! Why?! Was I a mistake? Did you even-

_"Of course you weren't a mistake!"_

Yang nearly toppled backwards at the vehemence lurking behind hose words.

"And did I leave you alone? No." Raven shook her head and somehow the dismissive gesture made her anger boil all the mroe. "Yang, I left you with people who I knew would care for you. Folk who raised you far better than I ever could. And you have the nerve to say I didn't want you? Impudent pup. You never would have been born if I didn't want a child." she leaned forward, perhaps emboldened by her drink, or simply too angry to care what she thought. Or worse, I could've left with you. You would've been raised among the tribe. Would you like that, Yang? I think not."

Yang recoiled at the thought.

"That's what I thought." her mother scowled. "What I did was a mercy. Think on that before you throw your misguided blame at me again." she leaned back, no doubt thinking herself victorious now that her point had been made. "Tai and Qrow did a good job of raising you. Summer was a better mother than I could ever be."

Her words tore open and old wound. _"Summer died."_

Raven's face fell. "Yes. She did. I'd heard about that." she paused, eyes alight as they fell upon Naruto. "Hmm. Dear, are you able to-

"Lalalala! Ignore her!" the blond squawked, shouting over her surly scowl. "Like I said, she's drunk." he added with a pointed look. "She doesn't know what she's talking about."

"Tch." just like that Yang's rage came boiling back, now at him. "So you think you can just waltz back into my life, shack up with some random guy, and expect me to **accept** it?! What about dad?!"

"What about him?" Raven tilted her head. Yang didn't fail to notice where her eyes went, but she did _fail_ to understand the implications. Naruto pointedly turned his back and returned his attention the ovens. Yang missed the byplay and mistook it for something else. When the next bottle came, Raven beat her to it and she swore.

"You absolute bi-

"Don't be crass." Raven flicked her forehead, drawing a hiss from the younger girl. "I did not simply "shack up" with someone. I simply chose to rekindle the embers of an old flame." her gaze regained some of its vitality for a fleeting moment, sharper than any blade. "Recently, at that. If there's anyone to blame for that, it would be him."

Naruto swore softly but otherwise remained silent as Yang's hands crashed down on the table.

"How recently?!" she hissed.

"Today." Raven crossed her legs and twisted the knife, heedless of her daughter's agonized expression. "If I knew you would be emotional about this, I wouldn't bother." For a moment she almost looked ready to bolt, only to sink back down into her seat as Naruto glowered at her. "

There are things you don't understand, Yang." she mistook her silence for acceptance and leaned forward again. "I left that day because I needed to; just as there are things you need to know. Ozpin is-

SLAP.

To her credit, Raven didn't dodge; though with her skill, it would have been well within her power to do so. Instead she took the right hook dead on the jaw like a champion. Her head snapped backward but somehow, she remained sitting, even as her head jerked violently to the side. That same punch had blown an Ursa's head off only a few days before. Raven Branwen barely batted an eyelash. She raised a hand, pried her daughter's fist away and sighed.

_"Did you even come back for me at all?"_

In the corner of her eye, Naruto flinched. Raven? Raven barely blinked.

...that was a good punch." she granted, wiping a thin line of blood from her mouth. "You've gotten strong, Yang."

"Don't." Yang jabbed at her nose with a finger. "Don't you **DARE** say my name like you're proud of me."

"Is it wrong for a mother to take pride in her child?" she sounded almost sad. It hurt.

_**"YOU'RE NOT MY MOTHER!"**_

Naruto watched mother and daughter rage back and forth like that for what felt like an eternity; well, Yang did the raging. Raven just listened. In reality only a few minutes passed in Yang's tirade. Emboldened by booze, Raven Branwen weathered the storm that was her -their!- daughter in surly silence, only offering the odd jab. All the while, Yang wound herself up more and more. Raven didn't get angry. She seethed, and he could see that even she was growing tired of this diatribe.

Urk, this was awkward.

Finally, he could bear it no more.

"Hey. Firecracker." he barked, startling them. "Wanna spar outside?"

Yang shot right out of her seat with a snarl. "Yes. Please. I need to punch something. NOW. Preferably you."

Nevermind. He took back any and all thoughts on this girl who may-or-may not be his daughter. He was going to kick her ass.

Wait. A sudden, awful thought occurred to him.

In all this time, he hadn't seen hide nor hair of Ruby since she'd come out of the back room. Weiss hadn't budged an inch, she was pretending to clean a table nearby while she pointedly listened to them. Blake was outside and Ruby...was nowhere to be seen. Ordinarily that wouldn't have much bothered him; Yang's sister could very much look after herself and on the odd chance that she'd gone out surly patron tried something, she was more than capable of bolting away from them.

"Hey, kiddo?" he called into the diner, "Where'd you go?"

"Here!" came the cry as she stumbled into sight. "Don' worry...'M over here...

_Stumbled._

When he turned, so did Raven, and by definition, Yang. In hindsight it couldn't be said who noticed first, only that someone did. It wasn't hard to miss the way the normally spry huntress tottered about, the glazed look in her eyes, or the bottle clutched in her right hand. A white bottle that had been on the counter only a few moments before, all but forgotten in the argument that followed.

"Y'know," She hiccuped, "This is really good milk."

Keen blue eyes narrowed on her intently. "Ruby...where did you get that bottle?"

"Eh?" she blinked. Once. Twice. Thrice. "Somebody gave it to me." She kept right on blinking.

"Ruby!" Yang all but howled, her emotions already at a fever pitch. "Don't tell me you drank the entire thing?!"

"Hic!" the young huntress swayed in her seat. "I thought it was milk! I'mma...not drunk...why are there three Yangs?"

Yang sucked in a short, strangled breath through her teeth. "Alright, who gave Ruby that drink?"

Three heads shook rapidly. Raven pointedly snatched the bottle behind her back.

Naruto saw it of course; just as he saw the subtle shake of her head. Indeed, how could he not? By now he knew enough of Raven's tells to know when she as guilty, accidentally or not. One didn't get to where he was by being slow about this sort of thing. Of course he wasn't about to go accusing her; not when Yang already looked fit to snap at her dear mother for their earlier argument...and besides, where was the fun in that? Oh dear, Yang looked fit to spit right about now...

"I said who did it?!" the counter splintered under the brawler's grasp. "Last chance before I start punching!"

Blake padded back inside, looking terribly cross. "What's going on? I heard you shouting...

"Ruby! Drunk! Alcohol!"

No, if he told the truth now one of them would storm off and their already strained relationship would be broken beyond repair. He could've blamed the Schnee, but Yang would've butchered her for it. Really, there was only one answer for it. Even if it was stupid of him. Why did he have to be so bloody noble?

With a long suffering sigh, he laid his glass down and steeled himself. "Alright, you got me. I did it. Guilty as charged."

Weiss whipped around, her pale eyes widening as she realized what was about to transpire. "You?"

Raven looked absolutely stunned at his declaration. "You didn't...

Blake slapped a palm against her face. "Here we go...

Yang barreled into Naruto with a bloody roar.

A tipsy Ruby only giggled at his plight.

"Whee~! Fight~! _Fiiight~!"_

**A/N: Naruto vs Yang next chapter.**

** Drunk Ruby is a funny Ruby, but she'll regret that later.**

**Felt nice to write something more family oriented this time around.**

**We'll get the Cinder and the Deery bits next chapter.**

** Alas, this was a Yang centric chapter. What can I say? She stole the show. She's like her mother there in that she's got so much personality that I can't help but write her and when I do write her I always try to write her well. ****Well, that's going to be a long discussion.**

**As ever, reviews are my lifeblood. Without them, I cannot write.**

**So In the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

**...Revieeeeew, Would You Kindly?**

**They keeps an old man alive.**

**And enjoy the previews.**

**As ever:**

**SPOILER! SPOILER! SPOILER!**

**PLOT DETAILS AHOY!**

**YE BE WARNED!**

**Get ready to smile~!**

**(Previews!)**

_"Sloppy."_

_"HOLD STILL! STUPID OLD MAN! GAH!"_

* * *

_"You won't tell Yang?"_

_"I'm not a father anyone would want, Tai." much to his disbelief, the ancient shinobi shrugged. "No one sane, at least. I've got too many enemies. And I don't want to upset things. I didn't even consider the possibility that Yang might be mine until a few days ago. Part of me still doesn't want to believe it. I've been alive too long. Done too much. As long as she's happy, so am I. And you're a better father than me."_

_"And what about Raven?" he asked. "__I can't claim to understand her anymore than you do...but s__he loves you, you know. In her own warped way, I think she's happy here."_

_Naruto didn't respond to that, he merely slid the tray in, stepped back from the oven, and removed his apron. "D__o you still want to punch me?"_

_"That depends." the brawler frowned. "Can you do it?"_

_"Tai, no." He saw the moment Naruto realized what he was asking. "Bad idea. Horrible idea. Don't ask me to bring back Summer. I'm not even sure I can."_

* * *

_Nora grinned. __"All the pancakes?"  
_

_Naruto absolutely cackled. "ALL THE PANCAKES!"_

* * *

_"Salutations!"_

_Naruto's brow shot up._

_"Hello yourself. What'll it be?"_

_"I was told that friend-Ruby works here. Is she in?"_

_Ruby's hidden head shook rapidly behind the counter. Naruto's grin grew. __"She certainly is~!"_

* * *

_"Roman's your son?!"_

_"Maybe?" The blond shrugged, heedless of Raven's baffled look. "I mean, now that I look at him I can kinda see the resemblance there. Besides, its not like I was celibate after you ran away all those years ago." although her blazing red eyes continued to bore into him, he remained unfazed. "I wandered the world before I came back and settled down. Had a few one night stands here and there, nothing serious. Trust me, I'm as surprised as you are. Its not like there's a horde of mini-me's running about Remnant or anything. I'd know if there where."_

_She squirmed angrily. "I still don't like it."_

_He prodded her beneath the sheets with his good hand._

_"What, that I might have other kids or that I got some tail while you were away?" __As he looked on, her pale cheeks slowly suffused themselves with but the faintest shade of pink. "No." A lone__ blond brow quirked as a slow smile spread across his face. "Don't tell me you're jealous." When she didn't answer his grin grew. "Aha! You are! I didn't think you had it in you!"_

_...I'm the only one you need to look at."_

_He wrapped his arms around her and buried his head into her neck. "__Awww~!"_

_"Let go of me you big oaf! No cuddling! Off! I said off!"  
_

_"Nope! Never letting go!"_

**R&R~!**


	5. Strawberry Shortcake

**A/N: ****PLEASE READ THIS NOTE, WOULD YOU KINDLY?**

**EDIT: Sigh, trolls all over the comments, they always pop up sooner or later...**

**Hope you're ready to laugh! And r****emember, this is an alternate universe~! ****Since we know jack-all of Raven's past, I've had to fill in the gaps.**

**Blast it! This stole the Wednesday slot I had planned for this week. Still working on "Untraveled Road" at this time. ****Those chapters are long. MONSTROUSLY long, because they have to be. My pride won't settle for short chapters, not in that story. Nope! Still, it ****Feels good to write this after the fate Raven suffered in "All Things Must Die" and the ending she got there. It killed me to write that chapter, but it had to be done. Thankfully she won't suffer such a ghastly fate in this story. I can't speak for the rest; for the web is dark and full of spoilers, and I'd not rather not reveal what is to come.**

**But the Raven here? Saaaaafe~!**

**As I'm sure you all know by now, Cookies!Raven is a different beast from the one we got in canon, thanks in no small part to meeting Naruto when she was younger. ****She's not wholly good, but neither can she be called evil either. Her time with Naruto has...well...it certainly hasn't made our birdie soft, but she's lost a bit of the edge she used to have. As the Spring Maiden and a deadly huntress, she's one of the most powerful people on Remnant, but not _quite_ the bitch she used to be. At the end of the day, she really only has three goals.**

**What goals, you ask? By all means, read on.**

**We'll get to see their past eventually, though it _won't_ be in the form of a new story. Perhaps a flashback or a memory or maybe even...aha! That's it! I've got an idea...**

**In other news, my aunt has caught COVID and she's in a bad way. To top it off, I've got family coming up from the coast, which is a bad, bad, BAD idea considering the state of things! I told them not to come, but they won't listen to me it seems. *sigh***

**As ever, I'm open to title suggestions and the like. Feedback keeps my wheels rolling. Looking forward to your reviews~!**

**Yang...is about to have a bad time. She was angry to begin with, but Naruto's given her an excuse to let off steam here and ohhh does she take it.**

**If you get Yu Yu Hakusho vibes from this chapter...yeah, that's intentional. There's a line here that I'm sure you all know. What can I say? I remember the 90's fondly.**

_"Do you regret it?"_

_"What, helping you? Nope."_

_"You should've forgotten about me. I'm stubborn, rude, pushy..._

_"Nope. If you're going to deny your own happiness, then I'll just deny your denial."_

_~Raven and Naruto._

**Strawberry Shortcake**

_Yang saw red._

A mindless crimson haze obscured her vision, leaving her drowning in a great scarlet ocean; one that drowned out all sense and sanity. She couldn't focus, could barely even bring herself to breathe. She knew this of course; she'd always been more than a little hotheaded as a child. Even now, that hadn't changed. Her temper was something of a legend back in Patch; an unstoppable force that consistently carried her through every scuffle, fight, and schoolyard brawl before. And today? Today that temper had been pushed to its limits. No, beyond them. It had been such a nice day, too.

Not anymore. Their fault.

All their fault.

_Her_ fault.

Raven gazed placidly back at her from where she sat at the bar, one leg swinging over the stool she sat upon, utterly unconcerned for her daughter's impending mental break down. Yang ignored her. She was the cause of this to be sure, but she wasn't the focus of her rage. Damnit, girl! She usually wasn't the sort to get riled up so easily! But now? Her blood burned. She gave no thought to their words as she stalked forward, much less the potential ramifications of starting a brawl in a bakery. No. Here, in this moment, two sentences summed up the entirety of her being:

_Yang angry. Yang smash._

Because there, at the center of it all...!

"Alright. You got me." Naruto feigned a lazy smile and raised his hands as Yang seized him by his collar. "Hey, easy there!" he only laughed when she hoisted him off his feet. "I didn't mean to get Ruby drunk, so-

Yang's arm swung backward with an audible _pop_ and her fellow blond made no move to evade the obviously telegraphed punch that followed. Perhaps that was sloppy of her. In her anger, she didn't even try to be subtle here; not at all. Even a civilian would've been able to doge a blow like this. She failed to see the obvious bait for what it was, didn't recognize it, didn't care.

Her fist struck Naruto's nose with a devastating crack.

His head snapped back and an off red spray burst from his noise; then momentum ripped him from her grasp and sent him crashing into the kitchen. A dull crunch heralded the destruction of a wall as he tumbled through it and into the yard beyond. Yang leaped into the light after him with a roar that sounded more Grim than human.

"Stop, you dolt!" Weiss raced after her with a shout. "This is idiotic! Can't you see he's baiting you?!"

Raven uttered a jaw popping yawn. "I don't think she can hear you right now, Schnee."

_The heiress absolutely hissed._

"You!" Blood red eyes narrowed as a pale finger stabbed between them. "This is all _your_ fault! Why didn't you say anything?!"

"Guilty as charged." the bandit drawled, flicking her hand away. "As to why...boredom, I suppose?"

Blake sputtered. "You were bored?!"

"Pretty much." the older woman drained her bottle and tossed it over her shoulder with lackadaisical grace, leaving it to shatter against a wall. "If you're concerned about him, don't be. He's playing." dark hair swayed as she gave a rueful shake of her head. "Naruto's always been like this. Sticking his nose where others wouldn't and taking the blame when he shouldn't...its who he is. I gave up trying to change him ages ago." She craned her neck as a distant explosion rattled the room. "Ooh, that sounded painful."

"He didn't _do _anything!" Weiss protested. "He _let_ Yang hit him because Ruby drank your...your..._your swill!"_

"To be fair, I didn't see her." Raven snorted. "She's a quick little thing, just like Summer."

Ruby's head popped up behind Weiss. "Oooh, you knew Mom?!"

"Of course I did. She was a lightweight, too."

_"Really?!"_

For the first time since she'd met the woman, Raven actually smiled. It was a small, awkward thing, but a smile nevertheless. She even unbent enough to pat the girl's head, drawing a giggle from the inebriated huntress. Granted, the motion was stilted and she looked like she wanted to bolt, but the sentiment was still there.

All that vanished as she looked to Weiss.

"You're Willow's brat, aren't you? You have her eyes."

"I...what? said Schnee blinked, startled by her remark. "Truly?"

"It wasn't a compliment,_ child." _Raven clicked her tongue. "Willow was a coward. Is she still married to Jacques?"

Weiss faltered. "Yes, but-

"Then she _is_ a coward." Raven retorted. "That man was and IS a monster. I told her to leave; even offered to kill the man for her. She refused. That makes her weak."

There was a bite to those words that hadn't been there before; a bitter edge that bit deeper than any blade. Was there some history there that she didn't know of? It made her angry. Her hand flew to the hilt of _Myrtenaster_ and nearly yanked it free from her waist. No matter how much she might enjoy it, she knew this woman would block any attack on her part and return the favor thrice over. Whatever her past might be this woman was well beyond her. She knew that...yet still her fingers twitched, aching for action.

"Go on." Raven leaned forward to meet her, eyes narrow. "Do it. Hit me. Lets see if you have a spine."

_"Don't talk to her like that!"_

Remarkably, it was Blake who stepped up and came to her defense. Alas, that simply made her Raven's next target.

"Blake Belladonna, was it?" a slow, predatory grin split the woman's mouth as she lounged against the bar, idly petting Ruby in her lap. It made for a rather confusing image. "Hmm...hmm...I know I've heard that name somewhere before...ah! That's it!" she snapped her fingers in realization. "You're Kali's brat, aren't you? I didn't know she had a kid!" Tipsy though she was, the bandit leader still regarded the wide-eyed girl with that cold, piercing look of hers. "Tell me, how's she doing? Her and Ghira still a thing?"

Blake absolutely choked. "You know my parents? I...you...how?!"

"Call it a passing acquaintance from a misspent youth." the gleam in those blood red eyes said otherwise. "She never told you about me? Then again, its quite the tale." Said eyes rose to her bow, leaving Blake to squirm under her gaze like a naughty kitten. "Give her my regards when you see her, would you? I'm sure she'd _love_ to know her daughter made it into Beacon...while wearing a bow."

Blake wilted, all defiance bleeding out of her.

Weiss nearly skewered her then and there. No good woman, fermenting conflict...!

Thankfully a third impact rattled the world and snapped her back to her senses before she could commit. "Ruby, say something already! Stop them!"

"Hmm! Okay~!" the little huntress made a face, kicked her legs against the bar, hopped off her seat, and staggered toward the gaping hole Yang had created. "Lets go watch~!"

"Not that! _Blake! _Help!"

"Not a chance." much to Weiss's dismay, the dark-haired girl made an X shape with her arms. "I've seen him fight; I won't be getting involved in this madness."

She didn't miss the fearful glance she cast at Raven.

"Bunch of nattering hens, the lot of you." said troublemaker pointedly ignored the glowers that went her way. "I told you, he'll be fine."

She still got up to follow Ruby, though.

Well! That settled it, then. Yang had gone berserk, Ruby was too drunk to think straight, and Blake was clearly hiding something and thus too afraid to take command. Which meant she had to take charge. A few days ago the notion would've been far more appealing. Now? She felt exhausted. Why was she always the voice of reason in this madness? It was like herding cats!

She found both blondes in the yard beyond; one lay sprawled in the grass, the other looming over them.

It was a picturesque area all things considered, not a space use for storage as one might suspect, but rather a simple enclosure with room to spare and sporting a fence on either side, the better to prevent intruders. There was even a small sapling in the backyard, suggesting it had been recently planted at that.

Of course, the fence had did nothing to stop Yang. She'd blown right through.

As they looked on, Naruto dragged himself upright, wiped a thin line of blood from his nose, and smiled.

"Hey, there!" he saw them and snapped off a jaunty wave, uncaring of the berserk blond at his back. "Nice day we're having, isn't it?"

"See?" Raven hummed. "He's fine."

Yang tried to punch Naruto while he was distracted and earned a vicious mule kick to the ribs for her less-than-noble tactic. She crashed back into the fence with a grunt, bounded off the metal links, and flew at him again with a roar. He kicked her legs out without even looking at her, leaving her to tumble past him in a breathless heap.

"Hold still!" she raged, thrashing her way to her feet.

"Why? I already gave you a few free hits, firecracker." Naruto beamed back at her, heedless of his broken nose. "Hope you enjoyed 'em." Calloused fingers reached up and snapped it back into place with a grimace. "Ouch, ouch! Damnit, that shit hurts. Jeez, you're just like your mother...

A wild haymaker hurtled at his head and he nudged it aside with a slap of the wrist.

_"Don't say that!"_ she dove at him again and he caught her wrist, sweeping her aside with ease.

"Say what?" he tilted his head innocently when she came at him again and leaped away. "I don't understand."

"I'm nothing like Raven!" Her stomp gave birth to a small crater beneath her boots. "Don't call me Firecracker, either! You're not Uncle Qrow!"

"No." Naruto admittedly candidly, jamming both hands in his pockets as he swayed away from another punch. "I'm not. If I _were_ your uncle, I'd have taken you over my knee and tanned your hide by now. As for your her, well," he unbent enough to scratch a whiskered cheek. "You have her temper."

Yang blinked.

Ruby squeaked. "Wuh-oh."

Raven whistled. "He had to say it...

Something in those words ignited Yang's anger all over again and she flew at him with a wild shriek. This time the baker met her head on; a gloved fist crashed against hers and she felt something pop in her arm. Even as she cried out, he swung his arm backward and sent her tumbling into the dirt. A sudden and dizzying jolt shot up the base of her spine as her back collided with a wall. Instinctively she tensed and flung herself upright in a hurry, bracing for a counterattack.

It never came.

Rather than press his advantage, Raven's lover remained where he was. He was waiting for her, the bastard! "Take this seriously, damnit!"

"Why?" to Yang's dismay, he merely blinked when she raged at him. "I'm already holding back the lion's share of my strength here; if I were to take this seriously you'd be a pretty red smear on the ground. I don't think either of us want that, eh?"

A dagger of icy fear stabbed at her breast, only to melt with the fires of her anger. "Don't look down on me!"

"I'm not." though his smile burned bright, the words were cold. "You're took weak to be a threat."

In a fit of pique she slapped Ember Celica against the wall she'd braced herself upon. It discharged a dust round with explosive force, shooting bits of plaster and timber in every direction, and for the first time since she'd met him, the infuriating bastard stopped smiling. His right eye twitched.

"Hey! Don't go blowing holes in my shop." he frowned. "I paid good money for that."

"Aw, did I touch a nerve? Too bad!" Was that petty of her? Very much so. Did she care? Not at all. She should have. She'd never been this angry before. She'd wanted to wipe that smug smile off his face and she had, but it wasn't enough. She wasn't satisfied with this. She wanted to kick his butt. She wanted to make him _hurt. _She wanted to_ win!_

"You're being childish." his voice rose in a warning, and she shouted him down.

_"Then take me seriously, you old fart!"_

Naruto did not explode with rage as Yang had hoped, nor did he fly at her like some unlikely berserker. He simply frowned, tilted his head just a _tad_ to the right, narrowed his eyes, and laughed. There wasn't anything particularly menacing about the noise itself; he didn't break into hysteric giggles, didn't throw his neck back and cackle like a madman, nor did his mirth hold a menacing air to it as one might expect from a villain. He simply pressed a hand to his face and chuckled softly as he shook his head.

"Raven?" he called over his shoulder. "You still there?"

"Of course."

Yang stiffened as the bandit's voice echoed back to meet his inquiry; not a moment later her mother sauntered past her, hips swinging. In her mindless rage Yang took a foolish swipe at her and paid dearly for it; rather than draw her blade, her mother caught her fist, wrenched it over her shoulder, and slammed her into the dirt. All without missing a beat.

"Your girl's being a bit of a brat." he sighed at her. "I'm going to be a little rough with her. That alright?"

"Not at all." her lips curled in a slight smile as she took a seat behind him. "Its high time she learned some discipline."

"Agreed. She has no idea what it means to fight to the death. To put your life on the line." his lips twitched into a frown. "Its time she_ learned."_

Edging his right foot forward, the whiskered warrior fell into a low stance; one arm swept behind his back as the other clenched into a cruel claw some inches before his face. Even from this distance Yang swore she heard his knuckles pop, one by one. A shadow flashed over his face and a muscle jumped in his jaw alongside; hell, his entire body seemed to _tense_ for the merest of moments before falling slack again. His right arm swung up and tore his ruined coat away. The tattered remains of his shirt soon followed, leaving him bare chested.

Yang blinked. Blushed. Buckled backwards and covered her face. "What the hell, old man?! Don't strip! My eyes! It _burns!"_

"Mwah...cookies..." Ruby drooled against Blake's shoulder as she snored softly.

Raven rolled her eyes. "Such a showoff...did you have to do that?"

Weiss gasped, hands flying to her mouth.

So many scars. Too many.

She saw them before Yang could; indeed, it was impossible to miss them now that Naruto had removed his shirt. A veritable web of wounds scrawled across the older man's exposed torso, stemming from his shoulders and tapering off toward his waist. She had no doubt that his back was covered in similar injuries. Her suspicions were merely confirmed when he turned to face Raven.

"I'm not showing off." he drawled, but she barely heard the words. "Just making a point."

"Oh, what the hell." Yang croaked. "How are you even alive...?"

"That's the question, isn't it?" Naruto laughed and spread his arms for further inspection as she gawked at his mangled back. "Every injury you see here, every scar, is one I bear with pride. You keep asking me to take you seriously, but frankly?" he shook his head. "I can't. Its just not possible. I've fought monsters, grappled with Grimm, demolished White Fang cells...

Blake stiffened.

...and this?" he turned in place, folding his arms before his ruined chest. "This little scuffle of ours is nothing compared to what I've been through. You're just a kid." his stern expression softened. "I don't wanna hurt ya, you know?"

Weiss agreed!

Despite her best efforts -and she wasn't even the one fighting him!- the heiress found herself shrinking back half a step. Had he sustained those injuries fighting Grimm? Or something else? She was leaning toward the latter. No Grimm could have done _that_ to his back. It looked like someone had taken a sword to his shoulders and tried to hack him to pieces. Or tried to gouge out a lung. By the look of it, they'd nearly succeeded. Just the thought of it made her nauseous. And to think, she was ashamed of her _single_ scar!

"So...we'll start with five." Naruto spoke suddenly, causing her to start. "And go from there."

_"Eh?"_

As Yang looked on in quiet consternation, her fellow blond held his right hand out to her, fingers splayed.

"I'll use _five percent_ of my strength in this fight." his words were blunt, yet patronizing, that strange smile never once leaving his whiskered cheeks. "No transformations. No summons. No jutsu." his arms spread wide as he dropped into a crouch and there was just something in that simple gesture that set her sixth sense screaming. "Just my bare fists. If you want to be taken seriously, then you'll have to make me. Survive the next ten seconds and I'll ramp it up even further. Lets see what you've got. Now... _dodge."_

Blake realized the danger first and shouted a warning. Too little, too late. He absolutely blitzed her. There could be no other word for what followed.

Against all odds Yang managed to get a gauntlet up in time; even then she felt her right arm shudder and Ember Celica _buckle_ as his fist thundered home against her wrist. Blue eyes blazed down at her, dull and devoid of life; no, that wasn't it. They were cold, like twin icebergs looming over her, crushing her with the weight of her gaze. She swung at his face and the ice melted as he flowed around it like so much water to ram a heel palm under her chin.

"Predictable."

She nearly blacked out on the spot. "Gah?! Why you little...!"

Yang spat blood and jabbed at his head, only to find her legs swept out from under her. Bereft of balance, she crashed to the ground in a heap. A fist came crashing down after her and she flung herself to the side before it could hit; bits of stone and earth sprayed against her back as she stumbled upright. He chased her relentlessly, wrenching her arm down to ram his forehead against hers. Stars -entire galaxies!- burst behind her eyelids from the impact. What was his head made of, pure metal or something?!

"Sloppy." came the rebuke as she teetered back. "Your fighting style has no form. No substance."

Yang swiped at him, and his knee found the back of her skull. Her aura crackled angrily and her vision swam again, this time with pain.

"You're quick to anger." She chambered a kick at his groin and a whirling kick caught her ribs. She felt something crack. "That's a weakness. Rise above it."

Standing proved an effort in-and-of itself, but she still dragged herself upright only to caught by a spinning kick. "Don't just charge in! Use your head! I know Tai taught you better than that."

"Don't you talk about my old man that way!"

"I'm not." Naruto sighed. "I'm trying to teach you something here, but its clearly not working. Fine." He raised his fists in a boxing stance and began to bound from one foot to the other, taking jabs as he went. "C'mon then." his voice rose in a challenge. "Hit me. This is what you want, right? Take all your anger out on me. You know you want to."

She darted at him in a golden streak and this time, her fist brushed his chin. He stepped back and she swept his legs, but rather than fall, landed on his hands and crashed another kick into her chin. She caught it and swung him down into the ground, only for him to catch himself yet again and twist free to sweep _her _legs instead.

Yang rode the blow, reared back and slugged him in the face for it. Still, the bastard refused to fall fall. Oh, he stumbled, looked surprised even, but she wasn't able to knock him on his arse as she'd intended. Still, those bright blue eyes widened in surprise before he clamped down on it. Was that pride, just now? It looked like he was proud of her. A strange, niggling sensation tickled at her, worming its way through her anger.

"There we go." he settled back into a stance. "Again!"

Pulse pounding, heart hammering in her chest and high on adrenaline, Yang made a rookie mistake; one she hadn't made since her days at Signal. Had she been in her right mind, she would've realized it. Instead she ignited Ember Celica and swept forward with a wild haymaker. Naruto stepped back, allowed her to sweep past, over-extended. His fingers formed a taut point; one that swept up and came down on her exposed limb thrice as fast. Yang tried to twist, tried to move in midair to do something about it; to protect herself, attack, defend, anything at all-

_Owowowowow!_

Her arm went numb; all sensation fleeing as the deadened limb drooped from her shoulder. The retaliation that followed was swift and merciless. Clenched knuckles barreled into her stomach to blast the breath from her lungs, taking most of her strength with it. Somewhere, very far away, she thought she heard Weiss cry out. Or was it Blake? She couldn't be sure. Her ears were too busy ringing.

Yet the follow-through never came, leaving her to crash to her knees with a squeak.

"You can do better than this." Yang saw his boots halt just out of reach as she curled in on herself. "You can be so much more. I know you can." rather than attack, he reached down and pulled her to her feet. His forehead slammed against hers, not to attack, but to glare blazing blue daggers down at her. "Where's that strength you showed earlier? Where's that determination, huh?! How can you protect yourself like this? Would you be able to save Ruby if she's in danger? Could you even save yourself?"

"Of course I could...!" Yang grit her teeth, refusing to fall back. "What do you know?!"

"More than you." her tormentor barked back, shouting her down as he towered over her. "If I had a sword, I would've cut your arm off just now! _And I'm holding back." _his words slapped her again._ "_What do you think an enemy will do to you if you're in a position like this? Forget the Grimm, you'll be fighting folks worse than me! They won't show mercy! They won't hold back! They'll cut you apart!"

The truth stung as much as her tears. Lilac eyes blazed red and golden hair set itself ablaze.

"SHUT UUUUUUUUUUUP!"

Her semblance had gotten her out of worse scrapes than this; if anything she'd gotten used to tanking hits and dishing them back tenfold. She'd trained up her endurance for this very purpose after all; a single blow that would absolutely devastate anyone who got the better of her.

Not was as good a time as any to use it.

It was a good punch all things considered. Yang was proud of it. She was impossibly close and had taken a number of nasty hits by now. She could barely see stand after the last; yet she was sure she'd connect. Naruto hadn't even tried to step back. He was impossible to miss. She focused on his face as the power deep within her ignited all at once and she _rammed_ her knuckles at it, knowing he could take it. She never saw her punch land, but she felt the impact all the same, just as much as the scalding rush of steam that followed.

The smoke cleared.

"Better." Naruto's smiling face was revealed to her, wholly unharmed as he held her fist before his face. "But you've still got a long way to go."

Yang toppled backward on her rear with a yelp as he released her. He'd caught it. Her best punch, all the power amplified and flung back in his face, and he'd stopped it with one hand. The realization should've made her even more angry; instead it humbled her. To know that even at her best, even with her Semblance, she'd still been bested. By all rights she should be furious. She hadn't been beaten this badly in...well...forever. It was something of a wake-up call. She wasn't unbeatable. She wasn't invincible. Her anger had gotten the better of her, and she'd paid for it.

...but did he have to beat her so badly?

"Feel better?" he asked. "Got it our of your system."

...I still wanna punch you." she sulked, crossing both arms under her chest.

"I'm sure. Now hold still."

Before she could protest her fellow blond reached down and laid a hand on her deadened arm. Once again he hit the same pressure point; this time sensation came rushing back into the limb, bringing with it a thousand pins and needless that had her hissing and swearing.

"Ow, shit!" she growled, rubbing at her arm. "That really hurts, you know?!"

"Its going to. No hard feelings, eh?" Naruto offered her that same hand and something in Yang hesitated.

Though it was a bitter pill to swallow, she'd learned something from this; no, she'd simply been reminded of the bitter truth; she wasn't the strongest out there. No matter how hard you trained, there was always someone better than you. Be it dad or Uncle Qrow, or even Headmaster Ozpin, or even this bloody baker. She'd always known it.

This time, she took Naruto's hand and allowed herself to be hauled to her feet. "Say, about what you said earlier...

"Oh, that? That was just an act." the whiskered warrior laughed and waved her off a little too quickly for her liking, almost as if he were hiding something. "You were looking for an outlet, and I gave you one while pointing out the holes in your offense. That's all. Nothing personal. Sorry if I scared you, but I hoped it helped."

Truthfully, it had.

All her life, she'd been the sort to swing first and ask questions later. Her emotions always burned bright and then burned themselves right out. She'd already forgiven the blond bastard she realized, the revelation of this ruse merely solidified that decision on her part. Unfortunately, a low crunch behind Yang drew a wince. She risked a glance over her shoulder and saw the damage she'd wrought.

"I can pay for that!" the words tumbled out of her mouth. "Well, I mean...

"Don't worry about it." he mussed her hair and laughed when she swiped at him again. "Raven did the same thing."

_"Lies!"_

Huh. Yang wasn't sure how to feel about that. Should she be proud that she had something in common with her mother, or angry? She risked a glance back -still wincing when she saw how much of the wall and fence she had demolished- only to find that her mother wouldn't meet her eyes. A lone finger rose in salute to greet her instead.

"That wasn't half bad." she said instead, desperate to change the subject. "Next time _you'll_ be the one on the ground, though."

"Sure, why not." There was a strange, almost bitter smile to his words. "I'd be happy to knock you around again if that's what you're after. Do you need my Scroll number?"

"What, are you offering to be my personal trainer or something?" she planted one hand on her hip as he drew a worn phone from his pocket. "Careful now, your true colors are shining through. Perv."

"Get your mind out of the gutter."

She swiped it from him. _"Dirty old man."_

He flicked her forehead in return. "Cheeky little shit."

Maybe she _could_ tolerate this guy after all. It wasn't like he'd done any of this on purpose...right? If she could wring a few tricks out of him, that might prove useful. At least she had an excuse to hide behind on that front to hide the shame of her defeat. After a moment's consideration, she added Blake's number, followed soon thereafter by that of Weiss and Ruby. Hey, if she had to suffer through this, so did they!

But mom...nope.

Just nope. Looking at her hurt more than Yang cared to admit._ It hurt a lot._ There would be no forgiveness there. Not today. Not tomorrow. Perhaps not ever. It was too fresh, too painful. Just _thinking_ of her hurt-a scar she'd thought long since healed now lay open and bare to the world once again. But that was neither here nor there. There were more pressing matters to deal with. Matters that were bearing down on her with all the speed of a ballistic dust missile. Sucking in a sharp breath, she steadied herself and braced herself for Hurricane Weiss.

She hit her like a missile. "What were you thinking?!"

"I wasn't...?" Yang grinned back.

"That's the point, you dolt!"

"Hey! _He_ started-

Yang turned to lay the blame at Naruto's feet, only to find that her fellow blond had vanished into thin air. All that remained was a faint plume of smoke and what _might_ have been a log at her feet. The hell was that? Her jaw clicked open in surprise as she frantically cast about for him, but he was nowhere to be seen. Quite suddenly, she found herself alone on that front. Traitor! She'd trusted him! Now she found herself alone with an angry Schnee, alone and exhausted and utterly unable to run away. It was a good thing that Blake had her arms full with a sleeping Ruby; otherwise she might have joined in. She certainly _looked_ like she wanted to.

"H-Hey, it all worked out in the end, right?" she managed.

Weiss hung her head and fell silent for a long, horrible moment. Then she reared back, seized hold of Yang's face, and pinched her cheeks.

"Ouch!" she cried! "No fair! What the hell, Weiss-cream?! What did I do to deserve this...?!"

"Don't you "Weiss-Cream" me, Yang Xiao-Long! I have half a mind to-

"Alright kids, show's over! Time to go!" Raven clapped her hands sharply, drawing a collective flinch from the girls. "Come back tomorrow if you like...or whatever." She flung up her hands when Yang tried to protest. "I don't care. Just get! You're cramping my style! Out, out, out!"

Weiss craned her neck back. "Where did Naruto go?"

"None of your damned business, Schnee." the bandit batted her ponytail like a cat would a bit of yarn. "Now scoot."

For a moment she considered challenging the bloody woman all over again; it was only Yang's hand on her shoulder that forestalled any conflict on that front. She expected another outburst. A retort at the very least. All she received was a silent shake of the head. "Just leave it. She's not worth the trouble."

"If you say so...

Naruto emerged from the shadows as the last of team RWBY slunk away. Raven sidled up to him with a sigh. "You've gotten soft."

Somehow, he wasn't sure if that was an insult or a compliment. "Have I?" he shrugged. "You were antagonizing those girls. Did you enjoy baiting them?"

"A little. They're easy to rile up and they remind me of their mothers." she confessed. "And you _have_ gotten soft." her lips parted in a sigh as she leaned against him. "Just a decade ago, you would've flattened someone like her without a second thought. Five percent? Really?" she jabbed his scarred chest with a finger, drawing an amused laugh from her partner. "We both know you weren't using that much. Not really. You could've killed her with less."

"Think of it as a learning experience." he said. "And she's your daughter. I didn't _want_ to hurt her."

_"Our daughter."_

"Hrrmph." In the end Naruto chose to ignore her remark and saunter back inside. "Still, Roman Torchwick, eh? Didn't think we'd be related. Still don't believe it."

Raven caught the hint and pounced on it. _"That_ Roman Torchwick? He's your son?!"

"Maybe?" The blond shrugged, heedless of her baffled look. "I mean, now that I think about it, I can kinda see the resemblance there." Another shrug chased her fury away. "Besides, its not like I was celibate after you ran away all those years ago." although her blazing red eyes continued to bore into him, he remained unfazed. "I wandered the world before I came back and settled down. Had a few one night stands here and there, nothing serious. Trust me, I'm as surprised as you are. Its not like there's a horde of mini-me's running about Remnant or anything. I'd know if there where. Although there was one redhead...

She squirmed angrily. "I still don't like it."

"What, that I might have other kids wandering around, or that I got some tail while you were away?" Naruto prodded her with his good hand as he snatched up a broken black but as he looked on, her pale cheeks slowly suffused themselves with but the faintest shade of pink. "No. You're not." A lone blond brow quirked as a slow smile spread across his face. "Don't tell me you're actually jealous over this." When she didn't answer his grin grew. "Aha! You are! I didn't think you had it in you!"

Vines of heated embarrassment burned their way up Raven's neck. "I'm the only one you need to look at."

Naruto whooped and wrapped his arms around her. Even as she squawked and squirmed he buried his head into her neck. "Awww~!"

"Let go of me you big oaf!" Raven wriggled in his grasp to no avail, his arms locked around her like a cage, one she couldn't possibly escape. "No cuddling! Off! I said off!"

"Nope! Never letting go! You're stuck with me now." he planted a kiss against her collarbone that left her shivering. "I'm not letting you get away this time." another kiss had her squirming in an altogether more pleasant way, her eyes widening as his lips roved higher, brushing her neck, then her chin as he continued to speak. "You'll have to kill me."

"That's an option?"

Then he pulled away, the bastard.

"Nope. Hope you're ready for the night shift~!"

Raven made angry Raven noises. "Do you ever close this damn place?!"

Naruto leaned back and shrugged. "Around midnight usually, why? Does it matter?"

"Fine. Be that way." She shook her head and grabbed a broom. "You're a cruel man, Naruto Uzumaki."

"Bah, you know you love me." he chuckled softly and did the same. "You'd never put up with me if you didn't care this much-ack?!"

Her elbow sank into his ribs. "Jury's still out on that. Now help me with this wall. And stop making faces or you _won't_ be getting a thing from me tonight!"

* * *

_(.0.0.0.)_

* * *

_The "Night Shift" as Naruto so eloquently put it -sarcasm ahoy!- was anything but simple._

Together -and with a liberal application of shadow clones on Naruto's part- they somehow managed to repair the damage before the next rush came. Even then, the so-called "clientele" he attracted at this hour seemed to nothing short of shady. Ranging from crooks and thieves to wanted gangsters alike, they were a motley crew, all things considered. Hardened men and women who'd seen or done their share of time, and not one of them made trouble for him. Not a one. Some even called him Boss.

She got a good laugh out of that one.

Perhaps that had something to do with her presence; no one questioned a woman with a sword, least of all when she wore her mask. Perhaps they thought her security of some sort. Raven was content to let them believe what they wished. Men and women alike deceived themselves all the time. Tonight would be no exception.

And then _she_ appeared.

At first she wanted nothing more than to tell the newcomer off...until she got a good look at her.

She was a dark-haired beauty with long legs, clad in a little red number that was nothing just shy of sinful. Eyes of dark, molten amber roved around the room, passed over her, and settled upon Naruto. A shiver shot down Raven's spine at the sight of her. This one was bad news. She just knew it. Didn't know how she knew, only that she did.

Naruto didn't seem to care, and if he did, none of that concern showed as he sauntered up to meet her.

"Cinder!" his voice boomed out in greeting. "How've ya been?!" _He knew this little harlot?!_ "You'll be wanting the usual, I take it?"

"Yes, please." she planted a kiss on his cheek and Raven nearly slew her on the spot. "I'll have a side of strawberry shortcake, if you don't mind."

"Not at all~!"

A small sullen side of her balked at her own behavior; she was acting like some lovestruck lass trying to keep a rival away from her...just what was Naruto to her? Didn't matter. He was hers. She'd never say it aloud of course -he'd never let her live it down!- but the blond buffoon meant something her. More than most. She'd already lost him once through no fault but her own and she'd be damned if she lost him again. Acting like a jealous old hen accomplished nothing here, however.

So she grit her teeth and watched.

"You're becoming something of a regular here."

Cinder Fall _preened_ as her favorite treat appeared before her.

"Am I? And that was fast." she hummed in appreciation. "Keep this up and I might have to steal you."

"You can try," came Naruto's humming reply as he poured her a tall glass of milk, "But I'm afraid I've already spoken for."

"Are you, now?" A dark brow arched as she considered his worn hands and saw no ring there. "That can change. You'll find me very...persuasive."

Raven made a noise somewhere between a sigh and a snarl; unfortunately that drew the newcomer's attention down on her. Those keen amber orbs fell upon her and narrowed, unable to ascertain her identity through her mask. She was suddenly lad she'd chosen to wear it tonight-she didn't much like the way this one was looking at her. As if she'd recognized her. That was impossible of course. She'd never laid eyes on this little minx until this very moment. She would've remembered a man-stealer like this.

"Have we met?"

Her blade was about to meet her face. Did that count?

"She's new." Naruto intervened with another dish, distracting the criminal before she could probe further. "Folks have been pressing me to hire some security."

"Is that so?" Cinder all but purred the words. "I could lend you Roman for an evening or two. He might appreciate some...honest work for a change."

"Urk." The blond made a choking sound that Raven mirrored. "That's...really not necessary. I appreciate the sentiment, though."

"Its no trouble at all." She fished her treat and rose from her seat. "I'm afraid I must be on my way. Don't be a stranger."

Perhaps she'd sensed Raven's killing intent. Perhaps she suspected something. Perhaps she was simply being a good guest and not overstaying here welcome? Who knew? Nevertheless, the moment she left, Raven locked the door behind her and shuttered the window alongside it. To his credit, Naruto offered a faint token of protest.

"Hey!"

_"We're closed." _she growled.

"Fair enough." he sighed. "You're angry, I take it?"

Raven smashed her mouth against his. "Bedroom. Now."

He guided her upstairs and she forgot all thoughts of Cinder Fall for what remained of the evening.

Unfortunately, said evening...didn't quite end as she'd been expecting. It came in the form of a rather unwanted guest.

* * *

_(.0.0.0.)_

* * *

She'd never committed a crime before. Yet here she was all the same. So hungry...

Hunger had driven her to desperation and desperation...well.

Here she was.

Deery gazed down into the shop and the broken glass on the floor condemned her. She hadn't meant to make that much noise. It wasn't her fault...or so she told herself. It was either this or join up with the White Fang, and she wasn't so far gone as to risk her neck with those maniacs. Not yet.

It was either that, or starve.

She slipped inside, careful not to cut herself on the glass, cursing quietly as it crunched underfoot. No alarm. Surprising, given the look of this place. It looked new, but maybe the owner thought he wouldn't need it. No cameras either, none that she could see. That was his loss and her gain. Another pang of guilt tore at Deery and she tried in vain to stomp it down. She wasn't comitting a crime, she told herself. She was just taking a little bit of money to get by. Or food. Whichever came first.

This was a bakery. He must have some food or something in the back, cash at the register at the very least. There better be. If she'd smashed that window for nothing...!

Her stomach growled again, a low and desperate sound that made her insides twist. She hadn't eaten in nearly a week. Even the gun in her belt was stolen; a dust pistol purloined from a drunken officer on duty. Vale was soft when it came to crime, but she didn't doubt for a moment that her actions would be reported. One crime atop another.

There! Jackpot!

She crept closer and consider the register for a moment. Locked. Of course it was locked. Her bad luck prevailed in all things, it seemed. It looked heavy too; too heavy for her to carry without hurting herself. Maybe if she had her aura unlocked she might have been willing to risk it, but-

"Whatcha doing there, kiddo?"

A hand clamped down on Deery's shoulder and she spun with a shriek. "HYEEEK!"

The owner of the bakery blinked back at her in orange-black pajama's, not at all phased by her cry.

"I'm afraid we're closed for the evening." he smiled back at her. "But you're not here for cookies, are you?"

Deery leveled the pistol at him. "E-Empty the register!" she forced the words through chattering teeth. "And the safe! I know you've got one somewhere!"

Oh gods, she was shaking like a leaf. She'd never killed a man before, human or otherwise. She didn't want to start now. No, no, no! Not good! Super sketch!

Much to her dismay, the blond didn't bat an eyelash.

"Look, if its food you want, I can get you a plate. Free of charge," his tone turned soothing when her stomach whimpered. "Just put the gun down."

Deery didn't believe him.

Humans were all the same. They lied and lied and lied again. Just like her old landlord, just like her boss, just like her ex. They took and took and took until you didn't have anymore to take, then they'd turned her out on her ear. Well not this time! She wouldn't be fooled!

"Just give me the money!"

The blond pursued his lips. "You look like you've had a bad time. Now lets not do anything you'll regret. Because if you pull that trigger, I promise you, you're going to regret it."

"Sh-Shut up, old man! You don't know me!"

Oddly enough, _that _seemed to wound him more than any bullet.

"Why does everyone call me that?!" His shoulders slumped. "I ain't that old!"

The gun clicked against his stomach. "Hands up! I mean it!"

Naruto smiled down at her. It was all teeth. "Deery, was it? You know how to use that?"

"Y-Yes! Of course I do!" How did he know her name?! No. She couldn't falter. Not now. "Empty the register, old man."

"Nope." Much to the starving girl's annoyance, her mark continued to smile at her like a patient parent. "I don't think so. My employees will be working hard for that money, and I need to pay them this week. What kind of boss would I be if I stiffed them their first paycheck."

"Why you...?!"

"Tell you what, squirt." a hand reached up and seized the pistol, gripping the barrel with enough force to make the metal buckle. "For decency's sake, I'll give you one shot." blue eyes widened with glee as she struggled to pull her weapon away. "What's wrong? You said you were prepared for this. Take the shot. Make it count."

"You can't do it, can you. That's good, I suppose. It means you're not a hardened killer." blue eyes drifted past her. "Times up."

A bloody red blade settled against the thief's throat from behind. "Dinner and a show. How sweet of you."

"Don't kill her, Raven." Naruto plucked the gun from her hand. "I like her. She has potential."

"You and your strays." She shrugged. "If you say so. Sorry kid, nothing personal."

Deery raised her hands. "Um...mercy, m'lord?"

_And then there was pain._

**A/N: Now this was fun to write.**

**Yang's a hotblooded girl, but at this point, she's ruled by her temper as much as her emotions. She needs to work on that before...well...you know.**

**As ever, reviews are my lifeblood. Without them, I cannot write.**

**So In the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

**...Revieeeeew, Would You Kindly?**

**They keeps an old man alive.**

**And enjoy the previews.**

**As ever:**

**SPOILER! SPOILER! SPOILER!**

**PLOT DETAILS AHOY!**

**YE BE WARNED!**

**Get ready to smile~!**

**(Previews!)**

_"I'm dyiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing."_

_"And that, Ruby, is a hangover."_

* * *

_"You know, when I hired you, I didn't expect you to drag your team along for your first day. Eh, screw it." Naruto shrugged and ushered the bubbly girl behind the counter. __"Nora, meet Deery. Deery, meet Nora. You'll be working together for the foreseeable future."_

_"Hey~!"_

_He spied a flash of red hair in the chaos and shook his head. Nikos. He definitely knew that name. __Nah. What were the chances...? Surely not. No way. Nikos was a common name, right?_

_Pyrrha tugged on his sleeve. "Excuse me? May I have a moment of your time?"_

_Bugger._

* * *

_Ozpin cleared his throat. "Raven-_

_"Nope."_

_"If you would just-_

_She crossed her arms. "Nope."_

_"You know, this is very unbecoming of-_

_"Nope nope nope nope nope." she talked right over him. "In fact, I'm noping you right out of here."_

_She spun, cut a gateway, and kicked the startled immortal right through it. __Naruto toppled backward with a cackle._

* * *

_"You look like shit, brother. Drinking again?"_

_Qrow nearly swallowed his flask. __"Me and my bad luck...you really are here."_

_Raven grinned at him. It was not a pleasant smile. "Bad luck has nothing to do with it, Qrow."_

_"Is that so? Because my niece just happened to tell me you'd shacked up with an old friend...he in? I wanna have a word with him-_

_In hindsight, he really shouldn't have pressed that button. Her boot cannoned into his face and he crashed through a wall, tumbling and swearing._

* * *

_Naruto looked up. __Up some more. __Up. __"You're a big fella, ain'tcha?"_

_Hazel grunted and laid some lien on the counter. __"I was told you served sweets here. Have I been misled?"_

_"Not at all!" Quick as a flash, he swept the money up, counted it, and filed it away in the register. "What'll it be, big guy?"_

_...coffee cake."_

_"Coming right up~!"_

* * *

_"Do you hate me, Yang?"_

_Yang realized her mistake a moment later; because she hadn't expect him to ask that._

_"Eh?" she blinked, faltering in the face of his sudden inquiry. "Wh-What the hell? Where's this coming from?"_

_"Its a simple question." those placid blue eyes bored into her lilac orbs with quiet intensity. "This isn't about Raven anymore, is it?"_

_Her anger bled through her fingers even as she struggled to cling onto it. She did. Some tiny small part of her hated the man standing before her. He was right. Things had escalated. He'd never done anything to her, but Yang found that she loathed him all the same, if only for what he'd stolen from her. That should have been Dad standing there with Mom, not him. She didn't know she'd been spoon-fed a lie. How could she? Still, it hurt. Seeing the two of them together like that hurt, scraping at an old wound in her heart. Raven should have stayed away. But she hadn't, she had come back, not to Tai, but to him._

_It burned. It burned it burned it burned it BURNED!_

_"Will hitting me make you feel better?" another question hit her like a slap in the face. "Do you want to take my life?"_

_She sucked in a sharp breath through her teeth. "Just...just shut up and fight."_

**R&R~!**


	6. Something About Redheads

**A/N: ****PLEASE READ THIS NOTE, WOULD YOU KINDLY?**

**EDIT: Went back and extended the ending scene just a bit.**

**DOUBLE EDIT: Sigh, trolls all over the comments again, they always pop up sooner or later...**

**Fair warning, this chapter is told from multiple viewpoints. Its a silly little thing, but somewhat serious in its own right.**

**Ironically, THIS is the chapter I've been looking forward to writing the most. While my Team chips away at An Untraveled Road, I can devote myself to the **

**I don't often focus on Pyrrha or Nora in any story, you know. Oh, she'll get the odd scene here and there, but she never really features_ per se._ Even in "Just a Bit of Bread" Little!Pyrrha isn't quite one of the main characters just yet. **

**Ahhh, but this story is a different tale!**

**As ever, I own no quotes, references, or memes.**

**Also, a word to the wise. Don't mess with Naruto's kids. He'll turn you inside out.**

_"I'd understand if you'd rather not talk about this." _

_"Nah, pretty sure it needs to be said, I'm not a very good father, Ozpin. __I'll be the first to admit that. __No need to drag my conscience over the coals here. Didn't even know I **had** kids, until a few days ago. Now they're coming out of the woodwork. Its weird. Never thought a few one night stands would come back to bite me in the arse like this. I've only known the brats for a days days, but I'd jump into hell itself for 'em. Do you know what feels like?"_

_"I was a father once too, old friend. I remember the feeling."_

_"Great, great. Then you understand what I'm going through right now. But just in case you don't, old buddy, old pal, old compadre of mine, juuuust in case you've forgotten, lemme give you a warning. __Keep them out of your plans. Exclude them from your schemes, your plots, your little shadow war with Salem. __I may not be able to raise the dead, but if they get hurt..._

**_...I WILL RAISE ABSOLUTE HELL."_**

_~Naruto and Ozpin._

**Something About Redheads**

_"Someone...saaave...meee...I'm...dyyyiiing."_

"And that, dear niece of mine, is what a hangover feel like."

Ruby Rose felt like death warmed over. Actually, no. Nope. Scratch that. It felt like Death had picked her up, given her a good shake, then thrown her in a washing machine and set the damn thing on spin cycle. Because the world wouldn't stop spinning. Worse, her mouth tasted like sick _-yuckyuckyuck!-_ and her everything hurt. _Yes!_ Her everything! _Absolutely_ everything! Her legs were sore, her shoulders were sore, her head was sore! She couldn't even bring herself to sit up in bed, darnit!

Foolishly, she made the attempt. And her stomach punished her for it.

_No, no, no!_ her mind wailed at her! _Don't throw up in bed! You'll ruin the sheets!_

With a supreme effort of will, she choked her bile back down, grimacing all the while. Did alcohol do this to you? She'd drank a whole bottle thinking it was _milk_ and now she was paying for it. How did Raven drink the stuff _daily?!_ How did she _like it?!_ Just what kind of monster was she?!

"Drink up." a rough hand brought a glass of water to her lips, pulling her back to reality. "Trust me, this'll have you feeling better in no time."

Ruby _seized_ the cup and drank greedily.

Ah, sweet bliss!

Realization clicked in a moment later. Waitaminute. Silver eyes squinted. Focused. Kinda hard, seeing as everything was so blurry, but after a few moments she was able to pin down the familiar face leaning over her. A second glass of water came and went, and this time, her vision cleared enough to confirm her suspicions.

...Uncle Qrow?"

"The one and only." he grinned and ruffled her hair until she smiled. "Feeling better?"

"A little, yeah. What're you doing here?" she longed to ask more, but her skull protested, eliciting a wince.

"Eh, I called him." Yang put in glibly as she sidled up beside her. "He's the expert when it comes to this kinda thing."

"That a compliment, firecracker?"

Ruby's sniffled softly. "Still feel like shit."

Someone gasped just out of her blurry sight. Huh. Sounded like Weiss.

Apparently her uncle shared the sentiment; because his jaw clicked open. "Where'd you learn that word?!"

"I'm fifteen, not five." Ruby grinned and threw her sibling under the bus. "'Sides, Yang taught me that one ages ago."

Yang's head whipped toward her at the betrayal. _"Ruby?!"_

Ha! Crisis avoided.

"Oh?" Qrow's smile took on a dangerous edge now, though it still looked like there were two of him at the moment. "Did she? Maybe a little training's in order, seeing as its a weekend and all."

"W-Wouldn't it be rude to leave Ruby out?"

"Nah, let her rest." Qrow chortled. "We'll get her some cookies afterward."

Lying got you cookies?! Maybe she should lie more often!

With her uncle's hand there to steady her back, -and Yang currently glaring bloody daggers into it!- the little red huntress found the strength to sit up despite her protesting stomach and take in her surroundings. Slowly, gradually, the room came back to Ruby in fits and spurts. Nothing really looked any different...but then again, that might've been her vision spinning. She saw Weiss perched on the bed opposite her, gaping at her like a fish. Heh. Got it in one. She'd been the one to gasp after all. As ever, Blake had her nose in a book. Wait. Did her bow twitch just now? Was she still seeing things?

Sure enough, those golden eyes flicked her way. "How do you feel?"

"Death." she croaked. "I feel like death."

"Says the girl who nearly drank herself under the table." Weiss sniped.

Now it was Ruby's turn to squawk. "I only had one bottle!"

"Yeah, lightweight." Yang snorted.

Ruby chucked a pillow at her.

Blake smiled. It was a tiny, little thing, and Ruby had to really squint to see it, but it was there. Huh. Neat.

Now that she thought on it some, it really _was_ kinda weird to have uncle Qrow here on a weekend. Not that she minded of course. Uncle Qrow was cool. Still, she wondered why. He taught at Signal. No way he'd come all the way up here to just to deliver a glass of water and some hangover pills. Again, she was fifteen, not five. Something was up. 'Sides, he had that look in his eye.

"Now then," her favorite uncle chimed in a little _too_ happily, "You gonna tell me who got you drunk yesterday?"

"Yeah, Rubes." Yang elbowed her none-too-subtly. "Why don't you tell him who gave you that bottle?"

Wuh-oh. So _that_ was why uncle Qrow had come all the way to Beacon on a weekend.

Beneath his less-than-subtle gaze, Ruby's addled mind suddenly found ample reason to shake off its stupor. Her mouth opened to answer him. Common sense slammed it shut again. Red alert! Red alert! DEFCON ONE! Repeat! DEFCON ONE! See no evil! Hear no evil! Speak no evil! She didn't want to rat out Naruto, much less point uncle Qrow at him. Naruto was nice. He'd given her cookies. Sure she'd gotten drunk at his bakery, but that was an accident! He didn't deserve to be ambushed by uncle Qrow.

Raven...well...Raven was complicated. Ruby didn't know _what_ to think of Raven.

From what Yang had told her, she'd imagined some horrible beast of a woman, ten feet tall with burning red eyes and jagged teeth. The woman she'd met failed to live up to the image her sister had painted of her. Raven had red eyes to be sure, but little more. Her tongue was sharp, but if she'd had an edge, something -or someone!- had dulled it considerably. Harsh words aside, she'd not raised a hand to any of them during their time there. Maybe that wasn't fair of her. Maybe the strong drink had dulled her memories of that afternoon somewhat. Maybe she was just being childish.

But one image stood out among them.

Raven and Naruto reminded her of Mom and Dad.

Raven made Naruto happy. She knew that. She'd seen that firsthand.

But _Raven_ had left _Yang_. Argh! Conflicting feelings! What was she supposed to to with this?!

"Dunno what you're talking about." her own words surprised her. "I grabbed the wrong bottle by mistake."

"Don't worry, short-stack." Qrow's chuckle _made _her worry! Very much so! "I'm not gonna hurt anyone. I just wanna talk to them. Loudly. Repeatedly. With my scythe."

_"Uncle Qroooow!"_

Ruby tried to stand.

And her face face turned green.

Weiss went pale. "No. No, no, no. Ruby Rose, don't you DARE-

Too late; in that moment, Ruby finally lost the war with her stomach.

The outraged shriek of one Weiss Schnee echoed long and loud through the dorms.

* * *

_(.0.0.0.)_

* * *

_It couldn't be him._

No. It...it just couldn't.

It was unlikely at best, impossible at worst.

Sat on her bed, Pyrrha turned the worn photograph over in her hands, thumbing the worn edges with great care, lest she accidentally tear it. Nothing changed. Of course it didn't. She'd been gazing at it for the better part of an hour now in stoic silence. Memorizing its every detail. By this point, she knew it better than her own reflection.

And yet she still couldn't look away.

It was an old photo all things considered; one taken among a crowd of people she failed to recognize. They didn't matter.

The man and woman standing in the center? Very much so.

Her mother's bespectacled face gazed back at her within the photo, her smile framed by a youthful face alongside flowing curtain of crimson hair. It was the face of a young woman in her late teens, not yet the careworn visage she'd come to know and love. Her green eyes shone with mirth, bearing an impish spark Pyrrha still didn't recognize, one not yet worn away by time and the concerns of a single parent raising a child.

And there, with both arms wrapped around her waist...him.

Bright blue eyes blazed up at her from within the photo, set in a whiskered face framed by a messy mane of blond hair. And that grin. He smiled cheekily at the camera with her mother, as though the two of them were sharing some silent joke that their photographer wasn't quite aware of.

_This was her father._

This was the man Mother had told her about, the man she'd been searching for, the man she'd all but given up hope of ever meeting.

Mother always spoke fondly of him; theirs had been a chance encounter, one that bore unexpected fruit. He'd been a wandering Huntsman, and Mother, an accomplished Huntress. They'd been together for a few months, gone on a few Hunts together, then parted on good terms. They went their separate ways, like two ships passing in the night. It should have been simple.

Nine months later, a child was born. _She_ was that child.

Pyrrha had grown up on tales of her Father, a man who moved like lightning and fought like a demon. A man with a quick smile and an easy laugh. A man who eschewed technology, yet if you shouted for him, he'd always come running. She'd begun to think said man was a Ghost. Any attempt on her part to find him yielded nothing. Atlas? Nothing. Vacuo? Less than nothing. Mistral only bore this single photograph, and Mother had been loathe to part with it. There was only the vaguest mention of him in Vale, and that -alongside her desire to escape her fame- had led her here. From there, she'd hit a dead end.

She'd not thought on it since; in truth, she'd given up. Put it from her mind. Until now.

Nora had described a man with similar features having hired her at his bakery. She'd described him perfectly; right down to the whiskers and cheeky grin. That was just like her to focus on the strangest details. It was too much of a coincidence for Pyrrha to ignore. No, it felt like destiny. Mother always said she was special. Now something in her blood called to her when she looked at this photograph and she felt a burning need to confront him, felt it in her very bones. She had to know the truth. Why didn't he come back? Why did he leave? WHY-

"You alright there, Pyr?"

"Hmm?" Pyrrha perked up, drawn from her reverie as someone called out to her.

Jaune -and their Team!- gazed back at her expectantly when she raised her gaze. They were waiting for an answer to their question, a question she hadn't heard.

"I'm sorry," she blinked, "What was that?"

"My job, silly!" Nora was all too happy to pose it again. "Today's my first day. I was asking if you guys wanna come with."

"She's afraid to go alone." Ren clarified. "Something about stranger danger."

Nora jerked back as if he'd slapped her. "Renny! How could you?!"

Just like that, the tension evaporated.

Pyrrha snorted.

It began as a snicker in the back of her throat; she tried to hold it back, tried to restrain it, to no avail. She failed spectacularly.

With that she released a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding and burst out into full-throated laughter.

"Uh, guys?" Jaune scratched the back of his head. "I think we broke her."

Pyrrha laughed even harder.

What was she so worried about? She didn't need the recognition of a man who may-or-may-not be her father. She had her Team. She had her friends. They didn't care who she was, where she'd come from, what she would be. To them she was just...Pyrrha.

"Yes." she carefully slid the photo into her pocket. "That sounds grand."

A man with blue eyes and whiskers.

It couldn't be him.

Could it...?

* * *

_(.0.0.0.)_

* * *

The time had come! The hour was nigh! Today was the day!

Nora could've carried on like that for hours; she was just that excited. Under normal circumstances, she might've done so. But not today! Nothing would bring her down! She could do this! As a wise man once said, there is nothing to fear but fear itself. So grab fear by the throat and strangle it! Wait, was that the quote? She wasn't sure. Probably. Anyway!

Pancakes!

Fleet feet carried her down the worn path with unerring aim, forcing her teammates to keep pace or be left behind.

Poor Jaunie struggled all the way. Hopefully Pyrrha could toughen him up a bit with their little late-night-rooftop sessions. A random idea tingled in the back of her brain. Maybe she and Renny could help, too. They'd make a man out of him. Heh. She liked the sound of that.

"Are you sure about this, Nora? Is this even the right way?"_ Boo! Hiss!_ Leave it to Renny to ever be the voice of reason and caution. Not that there was anything wrong with that, mind you. Reason and caution were good traits. She just didn't have much of them. But that was alright. Renny had more than enough brains for the both of them. Under normal circumstances, Nora might have listened to him. But today she didn't _want_ reason! She _wanted_ pancakes!

"Of course I'm sure! Now, forward!" she cried, stabbing one finger...well...forward! "Nora has spoken!"

"Nora needs to stop referring to herself in the third person." Jaune sighed with a rueful smile.

_"Nora refuses!"_

"Now now, there's no need to be cross," Pyrrha interjected fondly.

"Nora senses treachery within the ranks!"

Learning to cook had always been a personal ambition of hers; a talent she hadn't quite been able to pick up. Something she'd gone without for so long. Renny always did the cooking. She wanted to impress him with her skills and now that opportunity was right here within her grasp, knocking on her door! Really, it was just manners to do the same when she finally reached the bakery.

She slapped her fist against the wooden frame and sent it crashing against a wall.

Jaune and Renny winced. Pyrrha just sighed.

The door to Baker's Dozen crashed open with a resounding bang. Probably had something to do with her punch.

"Lieutenant Nora, reporting for duty!" she called, snapping off a sharp salute as she stepped through. "You here, old man? I've come for pancakes!"

At this hour, Naruto didn't have much in the way of customers. Perhaps that was a mercy. For them. Nora's unique brand of...sanity wasn't something you wanted to be exposed to for long.

But she _did _see a new face. And that new face looked kinda angry, actually.

"What're you doing?! You can't just go kicking the door in like that!" A mousy-looking girl with sharp eyes and bright hair not unlike her own saw their little party and made a beeline for them. Clad in the signature golden blue uniform of Baker's Dozen, she looked tiny. Frail, even. More skittish than a deer in the headlights. She noticed the antlers a heartbeat later. Oh, shit, was that racist? Nooo! She wasn't racist! She was the least racist person in the world!

Nora dropped her salute with a frown. "Who're you?"

_"That's my line!"_

"Down, Deery. She's a friend." Naruto emerged from the back with a steaming tray of some confection she didn't recognize. It smelled almost as good as pancakes. Almost! When the little Faunus tried to protest, a sugar cookie sailed into her mouth like a flung shuriken, forcing her to chew on the ob

"You're early." Those gentle blue eyes flicked over her for a moment -and seemed almost familiar- before they flitted over her shoulder and noticed her team. "You know, when I hired you, I didn't expect you to drag your friends along for your first day."

Nora never saw Pyrrha perk up behind her.

"Sorry, not sorry~!" she chirruped happily. "So, can we get started?"

Naruto looked like he wanted to argue. In the end, he decided against it. Wise choice.

"Eh, screw it." he shrugged and ushered the bubbly girl behind the counter. "Deery, meet Nora. Nora, meet Deery. She's new. You'll be working together for the foreseeable future."

"Even if I'm working here under duress." the smaller girl grumbled as he finished her cookie.

"Eh, don't sweat the small stuff." he waved her complaints away. "We're paying you and giving you a place to stay, not to mention three meals a day." Then he swung an arm outward to indicate the woman she'd seen earlier. "I'm sure you remember Raven...?"

Nora blinked. "You hired her after all? Doesn't look like much."

Raven went terribly still and a curious sensation brushed the back of Nora's neck. It might've been fear. She didn't like it. The bubbly grenadier considered her opponent for a moment, sizing her up. The red-eyed woman certainly _looked_ angry enough to stab her.

"Raven." Naruto warned.

The huntress pinched the brow of her nose. "Must not kill...

"Hey!" For her part, the Faunus wilted. "You didn't tell me I'd be working with a Huntress!"

"Oh, don't be like that!" Nora saw her opportunity for what it was and pounced, slinging an arm around her shoulder before she could escape. "I'm sure we'll be great friends! Well, not _best_ friends, because that's Renny's spot. We've been together forever you know. Well, not _together_ together, buuuut...

"Someone," The smaller girl wilted. "Kill me now."

She was granted no such mercy.

* * *

(.0.0.0.)

* * *

It was all Naruto could do not to laugh as he watched the chaos unfold before him.

In hindsight, he knew Nora was energetic; just not this much. He considered himself a good judge of character and he'd been granted some measure of the girl upon their first meeting. But this? This took the cake. She flitted around the bakery like a hummingbird as they prepared for the day ahead. She reminded him of himself when he was younger. Well, if he'd been hopped up on sugar AND pancakes, with a burning need to make friends out of everyone he met.

Not only had she latched onto Deery, but she was fair certainly she'd declared them be "second besties" whatever that meant.

Come to think of it, Nora did have blue eyes...

No, no, no! he stomped that thought down until it fell silent. He couldn't go around making assumptions like that. Nora might well have a loving family for all he knew. She certainly had friends aplenty. Her Team had laid claim to a table and hadn't left since.

"So?" he asked, taking her aside. "I'm guessing that's your team over there? You never gave me their names."

"Oh!" Nora leaped at the chance to further acquit herself in his eyes. "I forgot to introduce everyone! The one with dark hair is Renny-

A pair of pink eyes met his across the way. When Naruto nodded, the teen returned it.

"Then there's Jaune Arc. He's got a buncha sisters."

Safe! Resemblance aside, Naruto didn't know anyone by the name of Arc, thank the gods.

"And the redhead's Pyrrha Nikos." Nora whispered conspiratorially. "Don't tell anyone she's famous. She's shy."

Naruto spied a flash of red hair in the chaos and shook his head. Nikos. He definitely knew that name. Nah. What were the chances...? Surely not. No way. Nikos was a common name, right? Lots of people had it. He stole a glance at her for a long moment and something in those green eyes of hers lit a spark in the back of his head. He shook it off, shooed Nora away with an indulgent smile, then chuckled as she decided to harass Raven instead.

Nikos.

Still, the name _burned_ in the back of his mind. Coincidence. It had to be. After all, the cakes weren't going to bake themselves...

"E-Excuse me?" A hand tugged on his sleeve. "May I have a moment of your time?"

Naruto turned, already knowing what he would find there.

A pair of piercing jade eyes gazed up at him sadly.

The immortal hissed out an angry breath.

_Bugger._

* * *

(.0.0.0.)

* * *

Pyrrha wanted to bolt.

Stupid, stupid, stupid! She'd been so stupid!

She wanted to run, hide and bury her head in a pillow!

Even now, standing here before him, it took all of her strength not to flee. Her heart hammered fiercely, blood pounding heavily in her ears, drowning all else out. Her knees wobbled, threatening to buckle like so much rotten driftwood. Somehow, she'd gathered up her courage to leave the table, step forward, and tug on his sleeve, but...

"E-Excuse me?" she cursed herself for the stammer even as she said it. "May I have a moment of your time?"

...she had no idea what to do now.

"Hmm?"

When he turned to face her, fear froze her tongue, turning it to a block of ice in her mouth. Here, when words mattered most, Pyrrha's resolve faltered. Drat. She'd always let her actions speak louder than her words. In battle, she was peerless. A fighter without fear. Unsurpassed. The Invincible Girl. Here? She lost all control. She felt like a small child, weak and afraid, and here, fear finally had its day.

"Pyrrha, was it?" compared to the grin he'd granted them before, this smile looked stilted. Forced. "Was there something on the menu you wanted?"

_No!_ her soul cried out and in that moment, Pyrrha found a tiny shred of courage. She grasped it before it could slip away.

Dipping a hand into her pocket, she pried the old photo free from her wallet. She handed him the photograph.

"H-Here."

Naruto accepted it from her gingerly, warily, as if he expected it to explode in his face.

"I remember this." He murmured, squinting at it with strange intent. "Vanessa took it with an old camera on the pier. Something about making a memory." A rusty chuckle fled from his lips as he cradled the faded image in his hands. "Good times. I wish I could've kept in contact, but I didn't have a Scroll back then. _Wait."_ all at once those ice blue eyes narrowed and quite suddenly, the championship fighter found herself the subject of a different kind of scrutiny. The harsher kind. "Where did you get this? She never would've parted with this picture."

Pyrrha's hand flew to her mouth to stifle a gasp. _Vanessa_. That was her mother's name.

...my mother gave it to me." a lie. She'd stolen it from her.

Naruto blinked. Slowly. "Your...mother?"

He looked at her, then. _Really, truly_ looked at her, as though only seeing her for the first time. Blue eyes bulged. Narrowed. Pyrrha saw the moment realization broke like the dawn; saw it in the host of different emotions playing across his face. Disbelief. Joy. Shock. But not disgust. Never disgust. When he took half a step forward, she skittered back despite herself, unused to being touched. Naruto withdrew his hand with a flinch.

...how old are you?" the words were a croak.

"S-Seventeen." she stammered out. "I'm seventeen."

"You've gotta be kidding me!" Raven shouted somewhere in the background. "Another one?! How busy were you?!"

Naruto's face turned ghost white and he clutched at the bar to steady himself. For a moment, Pyrrha feared he might faint or worse, suffer a heart attack. Somehow he rallied himself and stood again. She couldn't help but notice the claw marks he'd left behind in the wood. She could feel the swordswoman glaring holes in her back, but she endured. She _had_ to endure. To fold now meant disaster.

"Bloody hell," Naruto shook his head in disbelief. "Vanessa had a kid. I didn't know. She had _you."_

...yes." the word struck him like a slap. "You didn't know?"

_"Like hell I did! I woulda stayed!"_

Pyrrha felt a slow blush begin creep up the back of her neck. Slowly, gradually, it turned her pale face redder than her hair. Not from shame, nor from pride, but some other strange emotion she couldn't quite quantify. He hadn't rejected her. He hadn't turned her away out of spite. If anything, he looked guilty for not knowing the truth. And he'd admitted it. Accepted the possibility that he might be..._be_...she couldn't get the word out. Fear locked up her throat again, choking any words she might've mustered.

A moment of awkward silence pushed itself between the two of them.

"Well, damn." Naruto broke it first. "Guess I owe you a lotta birthday cake, don't I?"

Pyrrha broke.

_"Daddy!"_

She wasn't quite sure what compelled her to move, only that she did. Her legs betrayed her and with a sob she bolted, not away, but_ forward._ Her head collided with Naruto's chest with an audible crack, causing the blond to grunt in surprise. When the tears came she didn't fight them. Pyrrha didn't weep. She wailed. It wasn't a pretty sight. She didn't care. She bawled into his apron, thick tears pouring from her eyes as she clung onto him for dear life. Strong arms wrapped around her back, hesitantly at first, but then with resolve when she didn't try to struggle or slip away.

"Aw, hell." she heard him sigh. "I'm sorry. Didn't mean to make ya cry...

Somehow, that made it worse. Knowing he cared. It hurt.

Pyrrha wept miserably against him.

_Daddy._ It should've been strange, calling some random stranger such. She couldn't bring herself to care. Even now, seventeen years worth of pent up emotions crashed down on her all at once in a torrential flood. She found herself caught up in them, unable to escape the deluge. Pyrrha wasn't sure she wanted to. "You're real...!" She babbled into his chest, fingers clutching fitfully at the fabric of his apron. "All this time, I thought you weren't...but you are...! You're not a ghost!"

"Wait," his laughter only made her cry harder. "Why'd ya think I was a ghost-

He never had a chance to finish that sentence. Without warning, the door flew from its hinges.

Everyone, customer, waitress, and hunter alike craned their heads toward the entrance as fresh sunlight spilled into the bakery. Even Pyrrha wasn't immune to curiosity. Not a heartbeat later saw saw perpetrator storming in, brandishing a sword in one hand, and an old silver flask in the other. Bleary red eyes swept over the room in search of something, and failed to find their target. They narrowed.

"ALRIGHT!" Qrow Branwen bellowed! "WHICH ONE OF YOU BASTARDS GOT MY NIECE DRUNK?!"

Pyrrha felt Father _-just saying it made her heart perform a cartwheel!_\- tense against her; heard the low, angry growl rumble through his chest. Oddly enough, it didn't scare her. For a fleeting instant his very body burned gold in her grasp. With one arm still wrapped tight around her, he snatched up a tray from the bar and hefted it menacingly.

"Close your eyes, sweetie." he smiled at her. "I'm about to commit murder."

Someone beat him to it. "You look like shit, brother. Drinking again?"

Pyrrha poked her head around Naruto and saw a woman clad in red and black rise from her seat. She'd failed to notice her until this very moment. No longer. As she looked on in quiet consternation, the swordswoman sashayed past them to meet the intruder, hips swinging with every step. Qrow saw her too; he must've; because he raised his flask to his lips and took a long, hard swig.

"Me and my bad luck...what the hell are you doing here, Raven?"

She grinned back at him. It was not a pleasant smile by any measure. "Bad luck has nothing to do with it, Qrow."

"That so? Because my niece just _happened_ to tell me you'd shacked up with an old friend...he in? I wanna have a word with him."

Raven twitched. "He's not here."

"Really, because that looks like him hiding over tha-AARGH?!"

In hindsight, Pyrrha would later realize that the intruder -Qrow!- was absolutely soused at the time and thus couldn't be held solely responsible for his actions. Also, he really shouldn't have pressed that button. Raven's boot cannoned into his face and sent him crashing through a wall, tumbling and swearing. A decidedly Qrow-shaped impression was left behind, but the huntress didn't stop there. Eyes spitting flames, Raven drew her blade and surged out into the opening after him with an angry snarl. The howls of pain that followed would be the stuff of legends.

"There's that moment gone." Naruto palmed his forehead and exhaled in a long suffering sigh. "Coffee?"

Pyrrha sniffled, giggled, and dared a small smile. "I'd love some, thank you."

Mother had been right after all. _Father was weird._

**A/N: Damnit, Qrow~!**

**Now this was fun to write. ****Hilarity, shenanigans, and of course, the feels.**

**Before everyone starts squawking, remember, this his a humor-driven story. Naruto didn't father the whole bloody cast. **

**We'll get the Oz and other bits next chapter. Felt better to just focus on the main cast here. Ruby's not a happy camper right now, is she? ****In canon, we get next to nothing on Pyrrha's family. Zip. Zilch. Nadda. We saw a woman with glasses who MAY have been her mother in one of the later seasons, but that's about it. The mystery continues I suppose, but it stands to reason that Pyrrha would have daddy issues. Poor girl just wants some love. She never really got it in canon.**

**As ever, reviews are my lifeblood. Without them, I cannot write.**

**So In the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

**...Revieeeeew, Would You Kindly?**

**They keeps an old man alive.**

**And enjoy the previews.**

**As ever:**

**SPOILER! SPOILER! SPOILER!**

**PLOT DETAILS AHOY!**

**YE BE WARNED!**

**Get ready to smile~!**

**(Previews!)**

_"Stupid deer."_

_A hand tapped his shoulder._

_Cardin turned and met Nora's smile._

_"Would you care to repeat that, you sonuvabitch?"_

* * *

_Raven's blade flew from its sheathe._

_"Must we?" Weiss squirmed. "I fail to see the point here."_

_"You asked for this. You want to be independent, don't you? That requires strength. Draw your weapon, Schnee."_

* * *

_"You. Want to fight. Me?"_

_Pyrrha perked up at his baffled tone._

_At the end of the day, no matter how she might try to hide it, Pyrrha was still a championship fighter. She'd been trained to capitalize on an opponent's weakness, wherever she saw it. Her mind viewed this as a fight. Very much so. More than that, she wanted to test herself against him; more than anything, she longed for a fight where victory wasn't a guarantee. More than that. He treated her like a normal person. He didn't care about her title, her fame, any of it. She was normal to him. Just his daughter. Just...Pyrrha. She could count the number of people who treated her like **that** on one hand. One was Ruby. The other three were her teammates. __Pyrrha couldn't help herself. She pounced._

_"Please, Father?" She clasped her hands together before her chest. "Just a little? It'd mean the world to me."_

_"Jeez, my heart!" Naruto wheezed and clutched at his chest. "Still not used to hearing that..._

_Hesitation. She homed on it like the champion she was. "Then, how about...Papa?"_

_It was super effective; __Naruto folded like a house of cards. __"Fine..._

_Raven shook her head. "Whipped."_

* * *

_"H-H-Here."_

_Adam regarded the cake before him with baleful eyes. It was a decadent thing indeed. His mouth watered at the sight of it._

_...this will do."_

_Deery took one look at his expression and scuttled back behind the counter like the frightened foal she was. Coward. She wouldn't do well in the Fang. __Oddly enough, she seemed intent to keep the blond between her and him at all times. That implied a certain trust. Anyone willing to hire Faunus, pay them a decent wage -let alone stand up for them!- begrudged a bit of respect. Just a bit. After all it was quite late and his sweet-tooth had been bothering him all week. The thought stirred an odd pang in his chest. Blake had always enjoyed sweets..._

_"Aren't you going to charge me?"_

_"Nope." Naruto granted him a small smile. "Its on the house."_

_"I don't believe that for a moment, human. What do you want from me?"_

_"Not a thing." His answer floored the faunus. "You just remind me of an old friend..._

**R&R~!**


	7. Sugar Rush

**A/N: ****PLEASE READ THIS NOTE, WOULD YOU KINDLY?**

**Owowowowowow surgery hurts. Not fun. Not at all. I feel like crap.**

**Fine, fine, we'll crank out an update early. Everyone's chomping at the bit for it.**

**Hoo, boy! Didn't expect last chapter to take off the way it did. Moreover, many of you were over the moon at the idea of seeing Pyrrha's mother in this story. Almost alarmingly so. Gods, most of ya even liked the name we gave her. ****I mean, we practically SEE her in canon when Jaune talks to her, we just don't get a name to go with her face.**

**Once again, Naruto didn't father the entire cast in this story. I won't name names, but folks have been saying that as a bit of a running joke.**

**Raven, meanwhile, is more tame than her usual self, but she's still vicious when it comes to claiming what's hers. I could say more, but...well. Spoilers. Suffice it to say, this is about the nicest you'll ever see her, and even then she's still a bit of a bitch.**

**I know folks have been asking us to update Untraveled Road more often, due to its insane popularity and we would if we could. But we c****an't update this as much as we'd like because the chapters are LONG. Monstrously so. The last one cleared 20,000 words. My team and I pour our hearts and soul into every tale we write, and this is no exception. Next chapter will be near the same length, and that's part of the reason this takes so long. ****Throw in the fact that I'm working on the larger stories like "Berserker" and well...we're quite busy.**

**We're working on it, don't you worry.**

**As ever, I own no quotes, references, or memes.**

**But I DO own this story idea, and I'll do my damned best to keep everyone entertained~! **

_"You think he's lost his edge, don't you? You think he's gone soft. Let his guard down._

_"You don't see what I see. He's stronger now than he ever was back then. _

_Because **now** he has something to fight for. Something to protect._

_Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough._

_No, no, by all means! Wake that dragon._

_I'll enjoy watching you burn."_

_~Vanessa Nikos._

**Sugar Rush**

_"You found who?!"_

Pyrrha flinched as the scroll squawked loudly against her ear. Not for the first time, she was glad she'd set it to audio, rather than visual. Her mother's voice was loud enough. Never in her life had she needed something so much and never known until she received it. Never in her life had she felt so PROUD as she did in this moment. She'd won many a match in many a tournament, but this? Here was a victory she could truly be proud of, perhaps for the first time in her life.

Because _he_ was here.

Not a wraith. Not a myth. Not a ghost.

It was a strange heady feeling, knowing she had a father.

"I," Pyrrha gulped nervously, steeled herself, and repeated her words. "I found him, Mother. I found him."

A strange strangled string of syllables answered her. In hindsight, perhaps she might have been a _bit_ too hasty calling Mother five minutes after the fact.

Pyrrha stole a quick glance over her shoulder just in time to see Naruto pat Nora on the head and congratulate her teammate on a successful first day. The bubbly girl preened happily and said something that she couldn't hear from this distance, but whatever it was made him laugh all the same. Only a few days ago, before their meeting, such a sight would've earned her ire. Now she knew better. This was simply who he was. Anyone here was family to him, from employees to patrons.

What Nora lacked in skill, she made up for in raw strength and...personality.

Now that she looked at them side by side there was certainly...something there. Neither noticed, caught up in work as they were, but Pyrrha had learned from a young age to spot such things. Could it be? Maybe. Not an unpleasant thought. She'd always wanted a little sister. She was a few months older than Nora, after all.

"I can switch this to a video call, if you like." she offered, thumbing her Scroll. "Just a moment. I'm still not all too familiar with this model...

Sure enough the screen shimmered and she held out her Scroll. Moments later, the startled face of Vanessa Niko gaped back at her with wide eyes. Pyrrha winced. Her mother was clad in a pale red evening gown and had forgone her glasses, leaving her hair down. She looked tired. Worn. As well she should be. It might be mid-morning in Vale, but it was likely near evening in Mistral. She didn't look pleased.

"I'm sorry," she apologized quickly. "Did I wake you?"

_"No, sweetie, you're fine."_ her mother cooed. _"You just...surprised me. That's all."_

A thorn of guild pricked at her chest. "I'm sorry for stealing that old photograph when I left. I just...I had to know."

_"Yes, I thought you'd said that."_ Vanessa sighed, palming her cheek. _"You're forgiven, dear. To be honest, I thought he'd passed away..._

"Dad says he's immortal." And didn't that beggar belief?

At first Pyrrha hadn't believed him; until he'd shown her proof. Ghastly proof. Proof she'd rather not dwell upon. Was he invincible? Indestructible? That implied a curse of some sort, but Father had been quick to reassure her that wasn't the case. He said he could be hurt, could be killed, could be destroyed. He simply healed quickly and aged slowly. Very slowly. Honestly, she was beginning to think Dad was a little messed up in the head.

_"Did he now?"_ Vanessa's eyes narrowed and a spark of life came back them. _"I'll have to test that...thoroughly."_

"Test? I don't understand...oh. Oh, dear." Pyrrha felt a fierce heat creep up the back of her neck like wildfire. "Mother, no!"

_"Mother, yes!"_ Vanessa's face crowded in on the screen. _"Do you have any idea how long its been since I've had any nookie?! Longer than you'd think!"_

In that moment, words failed Pyrrha Nikos. All that emerged was a choking sound. She wasn't hearing this. Nope. Nu-uh. Not, not not. Unclean, unclean, unclean! She'd nearly forgotten just how...crass her mother could be when she was excited. Right now? She was downright giddy.

_"In any case, ask him to stay put."_ the Nikos matriach tucked a strand of crimson hair behind her ear. _"I'll be chartering a flight to Vale as soon as I can."_

Pyrrha's lips pinched in a thin line. Embarrass her, would she? Two could play that game.

"You can tell him yourself." she hummed, striding across the bakery. "He's only a few feet away."

_"What?! No!"_ Mother went stiff, eyes widening as she caught her daughters slight, nervous smile. _"Sweetie, wait! My heart isn't ready for this!"_

Pyrrha pointedly ignored her and stalked up to the bar. Naruto looked up and set down the glass he'd been cleaning. Keening blue eyes regarded the scroll in her hand with idle curiosity. Realized dawned and he looked at it not as if it were some venomous viper, but with the resignation of a man marching to his doom.

"That's your mother isn't it?" he sighed, eyeing the device.

The scroll shrieked in Pyrrha's grasp. _"Naruto?!"_

"Well, that answers my question."

To his credit, the blond didn't flinch. Steadying himself against the lacquered wood with one hand, he held out the other to Pyrrha. The champion slapped her phone into his palm, then scurried around the counter to peek over his left shoulder. As such, she had the express pleasure of witnessing the moment their eyes met. She expected fireworks. Shouting and screaming at the very least.

She received no such thing.

"Hey, Nessie." Father scratched the back of his head awkwardly. "Long time no see."

Nicknames? A tiny Pyrrha _squeed_ happily in the back of her head. The champion let her sing.

Mother didn't do much in the way of singing. As she looked on, the elder Nikos gasped, hands flying to her face for a moment. Then she had to use them to steady herself or risk toppling backward like a fallen elm. Pyrrha flinched, just a little. It hadn't occurred to her just how poorly

_"By the gods."_ Tears welled up in her eyes and flowed freely, pouring down her cheeks._ "Its really you, isn't it? You've barely aged a day."_

"Yeah, its me." Naruto dared a boyish, almost sheepish smile. "In the flesh, more or less. You look great, by the way."

A hint of crimson crept into her mother's cheeks._ "Flatterer."_ she whimpered the word. _"I thought you died..._

"Me? Not a chance. I didn't know about Pyrrha." just like that, the blond laid his cards on the table -and the scroll with them- as leaned closer to the phone. "I'm sorry. If I'd known...well." the redhead in question startled a little when he reached one of his now free hands around and laid it over hers. "We made one hell of a kid, didn't we?"

This was a new feeling. Pride in someone else. Pyrrha rather liked it, all things considered. It felt grand.

_"I believe you." _Vanessa exhaled slowly, seeming to release nearly two decades of stress with that sound. "_But look at me, I'm an old hen now..._

"Old? You? Nah." he threw her own words back at her with smile. "You haven't aged a day."

_Vanessa huffed angrily. "I don't remember you being this much of a smooth talker..._

Pyrrha thought her mother looked half her age, frankly. Perhaps she was biased.

_"Alright, then."_ Taking a deep breath, the Nikos matriarch recovered. _"Naruto Uzumaki!"_ a lone finger stabbed at the screen with intent. _"You stay right there, mister!"_ Much to Pyrrha's chagrin her mother leaned closer still, as though she were trying to physically squeeze herself through the Scroll to get at him. _"I'll have words for you when I get to Vale! Strong words! Loud words! What's your address?! Where are you right now?!"_

Father chuckled ruefully but rattled it off nevertheless. "I'm gonna need a new bed, aren't I?"

A spark flashed through those green orbs._ "And then some!"_

Oh gods, this wasn't happening. It was, wasn't it?

Naruto perked up suddenly, as though remembering something important. "Look, Nessie. There's something I forget to mention, something you should know about-

"Hello~"

A dark-haired beauty with read eyes bulled in on Naruto's right side, forcing herself into view of the scroll. Pyrrha shot the older woman a dark glower and was summarily ignored, for all the good it did her. Truth be told, she still didn't know what to make of Raven Branwen; worse, she was beginning to develop a rather strong dislike of her. Perhaps even hate.

Vanessa, thankfully, took her arrival in stride.

_"Ah."_ she leaned back from her Scroll. _"And you must be Raven."_ green eyes flitted across her face. _"Naruto told me quite a bit about you."_

Judging by the blond's strained expression, Pyrrha suspected it wasn't all sunshine and roses.

"I'm sure he exaggerated." Raven preened.

_"Oh, I'm sure he didn't." _Vanessa's smile turned vicious._ "He told me you ran away like a coward."_

Raven flinched at the verbal slap. "Did he now?"

Pyrrha stifled a snort behind her hand. She couldn't help herself; it simply escaped her before she could think to hold it back. Did that make her a bad person? Maybe so. Naruto shot her a commiserating look over Raven's shoulder when she leaned down and the champion felt the weight of her guilt lessen. Just a little.

"In my defense," said blond raised a hand to ward off the scathing retort that was sure to follow from Raven, "I met Nessie long after _you_ left. You disappeared, Rae. I tried to find you," and here there could be no denying the shame that flitted across the huntress's face, "But you didn't want to be found. How did you expect me to react?"

"Tch." She scuffed a boot against the floor. "I came back, didn't I?"

"You did." his head bobbed. "You're not a coward anymore.

_"Yes, I can see that."_ Vanessa clicked her tongue. _"You're a bit late. Isn't that right, Pyrrha?"_

"Oho?" Raven's smile was all teeth. "If you're going to play that card, then I think my daughter might like a word."

Naruto hissed. "Raven!"

Pyrrha balked. Vanessa arched an eyebrow.

"Its a bit of a recent development." Naruto shot the swordswoman a black look when she smirked. "She only told me about Yang recently."

_Yang Xiao-Long?! _Pyrrha's head whipped around with such force that she felt the bones in her neck creak. She knew that name. Moreover, she'd seen her during initiation. She'd been rather hard to miss. A blond girl with bright eyes and a wild personality...who ripped a Nevermore in half with her bare hands. Looking at Naruto and Raven now, she could see the resemblance, clear as day. Yang certainly looked like Raven, but her hair was just as bright as Naruto's. If not moreso.

"Not a word about that, please." Naruto stepped in quickly before she could shout. "Her family situation's complicated. She doesn't know a thing about me. We'd...prefer to keep it that way for the time being.

"I still call dibs." Raven huffed, crossing both arms before her bosom as she did. "Hope you enjoyed _my_ sloppy seconds, bitch; because you won't be getting them ever again."

_"Confident, aren't we?"_ Vanessa reared back, hissing like a king taijutu. _"I'll just have to screw you too, then. That, or beat your ass. Whichever comes first."_

Pyrrha squeaked. "Mother!"

Raven's jaw clicked open. "Bwuh?"

Naruto sighed. "Somehow, I expected that...

While the Spring Maiden reeled back, Vanessa turned her gaze back to Naruto.

_"I'll see you soon, dear."_ she hummed._ "Keep an eye on Pyrrha in the meantime, would you? She's an impressionable girl."_

"Mother, no!"

Vanessa ended the call with a wink.

"Yeah, you walked right into that one." Naruto leaned back with a nostalgic sigh. "Nessie's got one hell of a temper."

Raven growled. "What, does that make you my niece then, or something? I'm not hugging you."

Pyrrha kicked her ankle. "I don't like you."

Raven glowered right back at her.

_"Feelings mutual, kid._

A beat of awkward silence pushed itself between them.

Pyrrha spoke into it, and quite suddenly, it was Naruto's turn to recoil.

"I'm sorry," he dug a finger into his ear. "I must've misheard you just now. "You. Want to fight. Me?"

Pyrrha perked up at his baffled tone.

At the end of the day, no matter how she might try to hide it, Pyrrha was still a championship fighter. She'd been trained to capitalize on an opponent's weakness, wherever she saw it. Her mind viewed this as a fight. Very much so. More than that, she wanted to test herself against him; more than anything, she longed for a fight where victory wasn't a guarantee. More than that. He treated her like a normal person. He didn't care about her title, her fame, any of it. She was normal to him. Just his daughter. Just...Pyrrha. She could count the number of people who treated her like that on one hand. One was Ruby. The other three were her teammates. Pyrrha couldn't help herself. She pounced.

"Please, Father?" She clasped her hands together before her chest. "Just a little? It'd mean the world to me. I'd like to see how strong you are."

"Jeez, my heart!" Naruto wheezed and clutched at his chest. "Bloody hell, still not used to hearing that...

Hesitation. She homed on it like the champion she was. "Then, how about...Papa?"

It was super effective; Naruto folded like a house of cards. "Fine...after work."

Raven shook her head. "Whipped."

* * *

_(.0.0.0.)_

* * *

Nora liked the cut of Naruto's jib.

He was a good boss and a good friend; he paid fairly and had thus far proved a patient teacher. He'd also taught her -after a great deal of begging- how to make pancakes. That alone elevated him to near mythical status in her eyes. Anyone who could impart the art of making the perfect pancake was someone to be cherished. And apparently, that someone was also Pyrrha's dad.

_Neat!_

No matter how she might play at it, Nora wasn't dumb. Energetic and a bit of a spaz perhaps, and she'd be the first to admit she wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed, but she wasn't stupid either. She'd seen that old photo the champion clutched to her chest, seen her take the Baker aside, and she'd _heard _the frenzied Scroll call that followed. Really, it was hard _not_ to, given she was stuck working the counter with Naruto's clones.

She risked a glance over at the duo and found them much the same as before. Naruto said something that had the champion turning scarlet.

Raven swatted her shoulder as she sauntered past. "Get back to work, brat. You're not being pad to stand around."

"Neither are you, hag~!" she sang back.

Raven's back stiffened, but she didn't engage. Nora knew she wouldn't. Ha! Victory was hers!

The true victor was Pyrrha's smile. She hadn't stopped since Naruto guided her to a table and brought her a slice of cake. It wasn't a small smile by any measure, but a wide, dopey grin. She'd not told Jaune or Ren yet, since they'd have to leave for lessons, but Nora knew Pyrrha would tell them, in time. Kinda nice to see her like this, she thought. Made her seem human.

Must be nice, having a dad. A small, tiny, envious part of Nora wondered at it-having parents all. As an orphan, she only had vague memories of her mother; a blurry indistinct figure that used to sing to her as she combed her hair. A wasting disease had taken her when she was young. There hadn't been a father to speak of and Mom never talked about him.

Still...something nudged at Nora.

Working with Naruto felt almost...comfortable. Familiar. Safe. Warm. Why was that? Until recently she hadn't even known who he was, much less had a reason to care. Hmm. Probably didn't matter. She didn't need some old man, she told herself. She had Renny. She had her team. She had a job to do.

_Aaaand_ it looked like Deery was drowning out there with all those orders.

Wait, was that Cardin with her?

_Crap, crap, crap!_

Bustling back out onto the floor with all due haste, Nora narrowly skirted a new arrival near the door and only narrowly managed to avoid crashing into them. She had time enough to catch sight of red hair, dark clothes, and little else. Hollering an apology over her shoulder, flashed them a quick wave and swept over to her partner in crime. She arrived just in time to hear a less than pleasant phrase.

"Wasn't aware this place hired animals." the boy didn't take a seat but chose to stand instead, leaning against a wall as he scoffed at her. "You get your shots yet, bitch?"

Credit where it was due, Deery held her ground. "If you're not going to place an order, I'll have to ask you to l-leave...

"Nah, I don't think so." the larger boy leered, heedless of Nora's approach. "Maybe _you_ should, freak."

Oh, dear. Was that workplace harassment? That was a big no-no.

Nora swept up behind him, silent as the grave.

Cardin Winchester was well known for having...certain views when it came to Faunus. She didn't fancy the flighty girl's chances when faced with someone like him. Deery might be plucky, but she wasn't a huntress. Deery was soft. Deery was squishy. Deery was a civilian. Deery was but a small sapling, and Cardin towered over her like a mighty elm. When faced with such a predicament, Nora did what any upstanding huntress would do. If she happened to be a little forceful about it, well. She'd just claim she didn't know her own strength.

She tapped Cardin's shoulder.

Cardin turned and met her sweet smile.

_"Would you care to repeat that, you sonuvabitch?"_

* * *

_(0.0.0.)_

* * *

Adam Taurus observed the beautiful disaster as he slipped into his seat. And he smiled.

He'd been all of a moment from intervening himself...but this? He found himself glad he'd decided to step back.

Watching a lone huntress turn a racist inside out proved to be the highlight of his afternoon. He didn't know the human body could bend like that, much less contort into a ball and _survive_ the experience. Watching that big oaf be swatted about like a golf-ball by a giant hammer? Glorious. Watching him fold like a pretzel? Priceless. His cries were just icing on the proverbial cake, as it were. Had she been a Faunus, he would've welcomed her into the White Fang on the spot. As things stood he was still considering it, if only because she amused him.

A soft clink drew his attention and had him looking up.

"H-H-Here."

Adam regarded the small cake before him with baleful eyes. Chocolate. It was a decadent thing indeed. His mouth watered at the sight of it. His mind protested, however.

...I didn't order this." he growled the words.

"You didn't." the poor girl stammered out. "I was told to give it to you."

Why? He didn't know the owner of this establishment. He'd come here on a whim.

"By whom?" He fought the urge to look around, knowing he wouldn't find the one responsible-

_"By me."_

Adam looked up just in time to see a man with blue eyes and striking blond hair seize Cardin's twitching form, lift him into the air, and deliver a sharp kick to his posterior. It was a good kick, he thought; one that sent the armored boy sailing out the door, squealing like the pig he was. A few customers laughed at the fools plight-moreso when he didn't return. For once, Adam found himself among them.

"And stay out!" the proprietor shouted after Cardin. "If I see you in here again I'll chew your ear off and give you a thrashing besides!"

Ah. Music to his ears.

Unfortunately for Adam, Deery took one look at his pleased expression and mistook it for something else. Whatever she saw there had he scuttling back behind the counter like the frightened foal she was. Adam felt his lip curl. Coward. Either unwilling to risk her position here or simply unable to stand up for herself. She wouldn't do well in the Fang. Oddly enough, she seemed intent to keep the blond between her and him at all times. That implied a certain trust. Anyone willing to hire Faunus, pay them a decent wage -let alone stand up for them!- begrudged a bit of respect. Just a bit. After all it was quite late and his sweet-tooth had been bothering him all week. The thought stirred an odd pang in his chest. Blake had always enjoyed sweets...

Ah, well.

Waste not, want not.

With a ferocity born of his background, the redhead swiftly tucked into his meal.

"Aren't you going to charge me?" he asked between bites.

"Nope." Naruto granted him a small smile. "Like she said, its on the house."

"I don't believe that for a moment, human." Adam swallowed. What do you want from me?"

"Not a thing." His immediate answer nearly floored the faunus. "You just remind me of an old friend...

Before he could think to talk, the blond pulled up a seat opposite him. Adam fought down a flinch. He hadn't been recognized, he told himself. No one cared who he was until he put on his mask; even without it...well. Only a handful of people knew him. None of them were here. Surely a simple human baker wouldn't care about a Faunus with a scar-

Tan fingers drummed against the table, bringing him up short.

Keen blue eyes rose to met his own, and held them.

Realization struck Adam like a thunderclap as a woman with dark hair and bloody red eyes soundlessly slid into the chair on his right. Cutting off his escape, he knew. If he tried to bolt right now, she'd be able to grab his arm and reel him back in like a hooked fish. Unbidden, his hand flew to to the hilt of his sword. No one made a move to draw their weapons. No one noticed. No one seemed to care. If they saw him as a threat, they were being remarkably calm about it.

"Now, now." Naruto's voice washed over him in dulcet tones, "Lets not do anything we might regret. I just want to talk."

"Frankly, I'm fine with chopping you into bits." Raven hummed. "Give me an excuse."

"Raven," the blond admonished, "We don't kill customers."

"Seriously?" red eyes rolled. "You're such a soft touch.

"What do you want?" Adam ground the words out.

"A moment of your time, nothing more."

_They knew._

In hindsight, Adam wasn't sure how they did; this man appeared to be a simple baker, and while the woman was clearly something more. No more, no less. Appearances could be deceiving. Regardless, he didn't favor his chances. The woman looked like she knew how to use that blade of hers, to say nothing of the blond she deferred to. What did they want with him?

In the end, curiosity won the day and his slice of cake went forgotten.

Adam reluctantly pried his fingers from the hilt of his sword.

"Wonderful!" Naruto beamed. "I knew you'd see reason."

This smiling, he leaned back in his chair.

_"Let's have a chat, Adam."_

**A/N: Worry not, you'll have that Pyrrha fight scene next chapter.**

**Everyone was a treat to write, but the Nikos family really stole the show here.**

**Adam makes his debut, and he's not quite the maniac we all know. Not yet at least. Meanwhile, Nora's realized something's up. ****If anyone's wondering where Qrow is, he's sleeping off his hangover AND Raven's beating in the grass. We'll see him next chapter. He was never meant to be in this one. ****This one was another slice of life bit, but a needed one nonetheless. It felt good to get this out, even if I'm still out of sorts from surgery. **

**We'll be digging into some heavier stuff soon enough...**

**That aside, its been HEAVILY implied that Pyrrha's mother knows how to fight, though we know precious little of her style, much less her Semblance. Nevertheless, the gang and I have concocted something for her, and we're sure you'll like it.**

**As ever, reviews are my lifeblood. Without them, I cannot write.**

**So In the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

**...Revieeeeew, Would You Kindly?**

**They keeps an old man alive.**

**And enjoy the previews.**

**As ever:**

**SPOILER! SPOILER! SPOILER!**

**PLOT DETAILS AHOY!**

**YE BE WARNED!**

**Get ready to smile~!**

**(Previews!)**

_"I demand to speak with your manager!" Cardin's father snarled._

_Naruto smiled. It was not a pleasant smile, Cinder thought. "I AM the Manager."_

* * *

_"I'M QUEEN OF THE CASTLE!"_

_"Nora, why?!"_

_Vanessa laughed. "Lively place you have here."_

* * *

_Qrow gave her a black look. "Why did you come back?"_

* * *

_"You can't just go around adopting everyone with a bad past."_

_"Can. Am. Will. And If I can't," his grin had her chuckling, "Then I'll just hire 'em."_

* * *

_"Roman, my boy..._

_Naruto spun a chair out for the thief._

_A clawed hand beckoned to said chair with graceful poise._

_...lets have a little chat." __It was command, not an invitation. "Whaddya say?"_

* * *

_"Cinder's going to attack Beacon, you know." Raven prodded his ribs beneath the sheets. "If she thinks the Fall Maiden is here..._

_"Hmm." Naruto granted her a sigh. "Yeah, she probably will, assuming I don't talk her out of it. Maybe she won't."_

_"You're counting on it." Not a question. An accusation. "You don't think she'll listen to you."_

_"She's stubborn and believes she holds all the cards. Its a shame really. She doesn't realize she's got a losing hand." he wrapped an arm around her and in a rare moment of tenderness, Raven allowed it and moved closer to him. Dark hair brushed his bare chest as they cuddled beneath the sheets. "You can take her, right? She's not a Maiden...yet. Even if she becomes one, you'd still win. You're more experienced."_

_"I would...but what about you? N__o mercy for a poor unfortunate soul?" she threw his own barbs back at him. "No second chances for little Cinder? None at all?"_

_"No." there was an edge to his words now, one she recognized. "If she attacks, the kids will be in her line of fire. She tries? She **dies."**_

_Yesss. There it was. This was the reason she'd fallen in love with him. __"That's more like it."_

_Her lips danced across his neck, finding their way to his chin, and finally, his mouth._

_Naruto was many things, but at the end of the day, he was still a warrior._

_Cinder had no idea who she was messing with._

**R&R~!**


	8. What Do We Do With A Drunken Birdie?

**A/N: ****PLEASE READ THIS NOTE, WOULD YOU KINDLY?**

**"Remnants" is taking a bit of time to iron out, so have this int he meantime!**

**EDIT: You can "technically" consider this the second half of last chapter, given what happened. ****Raven's a load of fun to write in this story, as is Qrow. Always had a soft spot for them.**

**DOUBLE EDIT: Something needs to be said here. Because the lack of a stated final pairing in the description seems to be getting me a lot of flak lately. Without reviews, we don't write. Simple as that. **

**Please take that into mind before you hurl death threats over pairings. This is meant to be a feel-good-story, for crying out loud!**

**As ever, reviews are our fuel and we cherish each one we receive. Without proper feedback, my team and I can't update nearly as fast. We write these stories to entertain, after all. We want to hear what you all think and...s****ilence hurts. It hurts a lot. More than any death threats or insult possibly could. Every word helps, every criticism is taken into account.**

**Once more, I own no quotes, references, or memes. ****Papa!Naruto is best Naruto, and woe betide anyone who hurts his kids.**

**Just another note, its been stated in an earlier chapter, if Naruto KNEW a way to seal Salem away for good, she'd be sealed by now. Killing her over and over again serves no purpose; she'll just come back to life seconds later. Short of standing guard over her and literally killing her for thousands of years -which is impossible- she's quite the hurdle at the moment.**

**Naruto likes to believe in people, and so wishes to believe that there's good in Salem****.**

** That may come back to bite him. Then again, it may not. Who can say?**

**I'm a right tricksy writer when it comes to that sort of thing.**

**And I'm saving the rest of that Adam bit for...reasons.**

**I'm sure many of you know what I'm up to~!**

_"That was a fine chat, Adam."_

_"It really wasn't. I still don't believe you."_

_"Believe what you want. That's your choice. We'll keep in touch."_

_"Oh, and do behave, won't you? I'd hate for their to be any...misunderstandings."_

_"Don't mind Raven. She's feeling a little antsy. Nothing a bit of strong alcohol won't help, eh?"_

_~a strange discussion._

**What Do We Do With A Drunken Birdie?**

_"Up and at 'em, sleeping beauty. The sun's starting to set."_

Ice cold water splashed across the sleeping visage of one Qrow Branwen.

"Bleargh! Freaking cold! What the hell?!" the drunken huntsman jerked upright with an outraged howl, arms pinwheeling madly as he failed to block an attack that had already taken place. Bleary red eyes squinted in the low light as he searched for his assailant, to no avail. "Damnit, why?!" he spat a curse when a fresh deluge soaked him to the bone, ruining his clothes and leaving him shivering. "Up! I'm up! No more water, _you sonuva bitch!"_

"Now, now," someone cooed, "Is that any way to talk about our mother?"

Damnit, he knew that voice. Didn't he? Against his better judgement, the surly hunter raised his gaze. Sure enough he found a bemused Raven waiting for him, an empty bucket swinging in one hand she planted the other on her hip. Her grin was nothing short of smug. Of course it would be. His sister had a mean streak a mile wide and he knew she'd _bash_ him with that bucket if he didn't get up.

"So it really is you."

"In the flesh." she titled her head to regard him as he stood, dark hair falling across one blood-red eye. "You look like shit, little brother."

Qrow bit back a grimace. Yeah, he felt like it, too. Why was that...oh. A memory crashed into the back of his skull and he rounded on his sister with a hiss.

It was a good thing she'd left him outside; had Raven dragged him back into the bakery, he was fairly certain he would've flung something a ther.

"Of course I feel like shit!" he cussed, stabbing a finger at his sibling. "You knocked me through a damn wall!"

"Only because you deserved it." Raven shrugged thoughtlessly, taking up a leaning position on a nearby tree. "You were soused out of your mind and swinging your sword around like an idiot. I'll have you know you ruined quite the touching moment back there, braying and shouting like you were."

"You _still_ beat the shit outta me!" Qrow stubbornly stuck to his guns.

"Yes, I did." her brown turned stormy and for a fleeting moment, he actually _saw_ her eyes flicker with crimson flames. "And if you don't stop whining like a little _bitch,_ I'll gladly do it again."

Suspicion reared its ugly head in Qrow's heart as he scowled at his sibling. Flames. That hadn't been a trick of the light just now. But it shouldn't be possible. The Winter Maiden was accounted for. Jimmy Irondick wouldn't let her out of his sight. Fall was being trained by Summer down in Vacuo. And yet they'd all known Spring was missing for some time now, hadn't they? Which meant...oh. Oh, dear. Why wasn't she hiding it? Did she not feel the need to? Did she trust him enough to confide in him-no, she didn't trust him. She'd only She felt safe. Protected. Secure in her position.

"Rae, " he rasped, "What did you do?"

She lifted her chin defiantly. "What I had to."

What was she playing at here? She had to know he'd tell Ozpin. Didn't she? Yet there was no fear in her eyes. She looked...sated. Content. Happy, even. Qrow didn't want to dwell on it.

...screw it, I'm too sober for this."

He reached for his hip flask in search of comfort, only for his fingers to curl around empty air. Qrow twitched. Frowned. Did a double-take. Gone. His flask wasn't in its holster; in fact, it was nowhere to be seen. A flash of steal gleamed in his peripherals as his sister brandished his precious booze at him.

"Looking for this?" Raven purred.

"Give it back!"

"Nah. This is mine by right of conquest." She tipped it to her lips and drank deeply instead. "Ha!" She grinned a moment later and coughed heartily as she pulled away. "You always did like the strong stuff, didn't you. I'm pleased to see your taste hasn't changed."

Qrow growled, low and deep in his throat. "Where you always this much of a bitch?"

He'd said it more to get a rise out of her than anything else, but Raven didn't so much as bat an eyelash at the barb. Instead, she laughed at him. Actually laughed! With a lazy toss she flung his flask back at him, sending it tumbling through the air to land into his waiting palm.

"Maybe?" she shrugged. "I'm actually in a pretty good mood right about now. Count yourself lucky."

"Fine, I'll bite." Qrow gave her a black look. "Why did you come back?"

"I didn't come back." she countered. "I came home."

Qrow latched onto it. "Home?"

"Huh. Did I say that?" A faint tinge of pink suffused his sister's pale face as she tried to stand and thought better of it. "Oops." She'd been drinking, Qrow realized, watching her crash back against the tree again. Drinking a lot. Even before she'd woken him and snatched his flask. "Don't tell _him_ I said that." She granted him a small, almost lazy smile. "He'd never let me down. I'd have to kill you."

Something -or someone!- had mellowed her out. He'd only seen her like this once before.

Shit. He'd almost forgotten why Oz had sent him down here in the first place. Granted, he'd wanted to find out who had gone and gotten Ruby drunk -the stories varied wildly!- so it was something of a two for one deal on that front, but Raven's words reminded him of his real purpose here. Nevermind this maiden business; if that blond bastard was back in town...well, things needed to be said. Ozpin would need to know. They'd been good friends, once upon a time. Before everything fell apart.

And if memory served, he was responsible for leaving Ruby with quite the hangover.

"So, 'ol whiskers finally came back to Vale, did he?" he couldn't quite keep the shit-eating grin from his face. "He in? I wanna have a chat with him."

Raven pursed her lips. "Bad idea, Qrow. Even for you."

"I don't wanna kill him or anything; I just wanna talk to him." Harbinger clicked ominously as he wrapped his fingers around the hilt of his weapon. "Loudly. Repeatedly. With my scythe."

As if to punctuate those very words, a deep and hollow clang ran out behind the bakery.

"Eh?" Qrow blinked blearily and craned his neck toward it. "The hell was that? Sound like an explosion or something."

Raven scoffed. "Father daughter bonding. What else? They've just started."

_"Kick his ass, Pyrrha!"_ a boisterous voice called!

Qrow's brow rose. "And that...?"

"That," His sister bridled, and here a touch of her old, prickly nature finally crept back in. "Is a demon masquerading as a girl. Don't be be fooled, little brother." she held up a finger as though to ward him off. "She's evil, I tell you. A devil in disguise. You need to kill her, Qrow. That, or placate her with pancakes. Its the only way."

"Rae, she sounds like a kid. She can't be that bad-

_"Eeeeevil."_ she slurred the word. "Come and see for yourself. Or don't. Its quite the show."

She flounced off before he could hope to interrogate her further, hips swaying. Damnit. Qrow sighed and stumbled after her at a jog, following his sister out back.

She wasn't kidding.

A space had been cleared in the dirt for a pair of fighters, something of an impromptu circular ring arranged with chalk lines and colorful flags. Someone had even gone so far as to erect a food stand nearby, alongside a pair of steel bleachers. Huh. He didn't remember _those_ being there back when he'd stormed the bakery. Certainly not the brats that all but filled them.

"Go, go! Pyrrha! Go!"

Keen eyes took in a pair of young men flanking a girl with bright orange hair; the latter was currently screaming her heart out as hugged a small Faunus girl with antlers sprouting from her head. Judging by the evil eye Raven gave them both, she wasn't fond of either. He didn't recognize any of them, but he _did _recognize their uniforms, and those of the four girls sitting above them.

Wait. Where those his nieces...?!

"Go, Naruto!"

Qrow twitched, only now recognizing someone in the brawl below.

In the center of the ring a young man and a younger woman flew at one another time and again. The combatants didn't move. They _danced._ It was like watching a wild waltz of blood and flesh and steel. Those two...if he didn't know better, he'd think they were trying to kill each other. No, wait. He took that back. They just might be-

_Crunch._

A distant clamor behind him caught his attention.

Raven stilled beside him, drawn from her stupor by the sound.

Qrow turned, followed her gaze, saw what she saw, and frowned. Someone had left the lights on back in the bakery. They'd been off a moment ago. He remembered that much; wasn't that hungover to forget something simple like that. There was someone in there. Moving around. Someone that shouldn't be. Harbinger slid from her sheathe with a silent rasp of steel. Omen joined it not a heartbeat later.

In unison, the Branwen siblings stormed back the way they'd come, weapons drawn.

Qrow couldn't help but offer one final curse as he opened the door.

A pair of mismatching eyes poked up behind the counter to greet him, framed by wild hair that vaguely reminded him of a certain ice cream flavor. There was a spoon held tight between her lips. She tilted her head and favored them with a saccharine grin around said spoon.

"Damnit, Neo!" an unfamiliar voice called as someone slipped out of the back room the corner. "Hurry up with the damn charges-

Roman Torchwick saw them. Roman Torchwick blinked. Roman Torchwick hissed and fumbled for his weapon.

"Shit, shit, shit-

Qrow didn't even have time to attack; Raven beat him to it by a country mile. He'd only just stepped forward, only just readied his weapon when he heard his sister swear somewhere behind him. Then she drove the hilt into the back of his neck. His world went black all over gain as he pitched forward into the floor. Before he passed out, he had time enough for one last curse. Damn Semblance.

_"Me and my bad luck..._

* * *

(.0.0.0.)

* * *

Pyrrha was losing, and she loved every minute of it.

No matter how hard she fought, no matter what weapon combination she wielded, she found herself beaten back time and again. Her arms arched. Her heart pounded furiously in her ears. Her Aura plummeted with every strike and counter strike that followed.

All the while, everyone continued to cheer for her. Well, Team JNPR cheered. Team RWBY was firmly in Naruto's camp, much to her dismay.

"Go for the throat, Pyrrha!"

Really, this was all Nora's fault. She just couldn't keep her big mouth shut.

The bubbly grenadier had gone and blabbed to Ren, who'd told Jaune, who _then_ said something to Ruby. Once Ruby knew about tonight's bout, she'd informed her team. In return, they'd been overhead by a curious Team CFVY. From there, it was something of a foregone conclusion.

Father didn't fight like a huntsman. She'd been trained by those before. There was no grace or style to his movements, only cold, brutal efficiency. His style was wild and unpredictable, limbs bending at vicious angles to seek her vital and strike deeper into her defenses than he had any right to.

He fought dirty. He fought like an assassin. It was both terrifying and thrilling altogether.

Sweat flicked her forehead as she flung herself backward. A few stray droplets flew from her skin and were summarily obliterated a heartbeat later as Naruto's clenched fist passed through the space she'd just occupied. A tiny smile wreathed his features as he chambered his punch and stepped in, ringing her shield like a gong. Her right arm screamed.

Was this how her opponents felt when she'd fought them? Like prey?

Even when he held back, her best wasn't enough to beat him. And it showed.

She struck out at his face with a shield bash, but rather than evade like any _sane _person would, the blond stepped in and slapped it away with his bare hand. Pyrrha yelped and narrowly managed to intercept him with her sword, but he batted that away too with an open palm. With! Bare! Hands! Flesh wasn't metal to strike metal, and she wasn't sure how he could just punch a shield or grab a sword without feeling pain, but he did.

His fist cut dangerously close to her face, wrapped metal knuckles brushing her cheek.

A tiny cut opened there; then the sheer force behind the blow sent her spinning away.

Ordinarily, she didn't like to lose-no, actually, she hated it.

But when her father rang her head like a bell?

She'd never been happier.

She was going to lose if this kept up. She couldn't remember the last time she'd lost. It had been, what...years? She wasn't sure. She vaguely recalled losing before, but not recently. Not since her first tournament victory, not since the sponsors and the media and all that awfulness that followed. Not since she'd become the Invincible Girl.

Now she was being batted about like a rank amateur. It was freeing. A reminder that she wasn't invincible, wasn't almighty, wasn't alone.

Ears ringing, vision swimming, Pyrrha fell back on a trice and true tactic, if a somewhat dishonorable one. She flared her semblance, trying to use it against his metal bracers. Everyone wore some form of metal on their person, be it weapon or otherwise, and Father was no exception. A thorn of regret pricked at her heart, but she didn't relent. Victory was hers.

Imagine her surprise then, when her sire simply _sped up._

"What?!" A tiny squeak of surprise fled from her lips, but it was too late. He was on her in an instant, barreling through her guard, ripping her sword away to ram an open palm into her stomach.

With a startled gasp, Pyrra fell right on her ass.

Someone was laughing. It took the champion several seconds to realize it was her.

"That was grand." she grinned at him. "I can't remember the last time I lost that badly."

"You weren't so bad yourself." When he offered her his hand, Pyrrha accepted it gladly and allowed him to hoist her to her feet. "Relied a little to much on your bloodline there at the end, though." His smile filled her with warmth, but the last few words brought a pang of mild concern.

Pyrrha blinked. What was that word just now?

"Still, I didn't think you'd have the Magnet Release." Naruto pushed on, heedless of her confusion. "Not a bad bloodline, given your profession."

"I'm afraid I don't understand." the redhead blinked. "Bloodline? What're you talking about? This is my Semblance. Polarity."

"Nope." Naruto shook his head.

"But-

"Nope." he grinned and the setting sun caught his golden hair just so, making it shine. For an instant, Pyrrha saw how her mother had fallen for him. Father was...pure, for lack of a better word. She'd never feel such a thing for her own flesh and blood of course, but she wanted someone like that for herself. Someone who could smile like that. Someone confident. Someone who didn't care about her fame.

Unbidden, her eyes strayed back to the bleachers...until Naruto he shattered her world yet again.

"That's not your Semblance." he sounded so certain, so sure, that she couldn't help but believe him. "You haven't unlocked it yet."

Pyrrha caught herself from reeling. But...but that didn't make any sense! "What's a bloodline, then?"

"Its something that you inherit at birth." Father stepped back, his word taking on a lecturing tone. "When I was younger, I was able to use the Magnet Release due to some...unique circumstances. Frankly, I still can if feel like it." Blue eyes narrowed and she felt her shield quiver in her grasp for a moment as he made his point. "See? Not a Semblance. I don't have one of those. But you?"

His hand descended and ran through her hair. She leaned into it without so much as a second thought.

"You're going to be amazing, once you unlock yours, Pyrrha, I just know it."

Her cheeks warmed at the praise.

"Now in the future, I'd like you to work a bit more on your form-

"THAT WAS AMAZING!"

Nora tackled her like an Ursa and nearly crushed her ribs in a titanic hug as she babbled happily. "You two were all like, wham, smash, _kapow!"_

"I think she liked it." Father chuckled.

"Liked it?!" Nora dropped Pyrrha and rounded on him. "I loved it! When do I get a turn?!"

"When you can make the perfect pancake." he countered quickly.

Nora wilted. "Meanie...

A distant commotion within the bakery caught Pyrrha's attention, just then.

"What was that?"

"Sounds like Qrow finally woke up." Naruto hummed. "Lets call it here, for today. Don't think your mother would like it if I gave you a bruise. By the way...got your eyes on any boys here?" Pyrrha felt her face redden anew. It was such a _dad _question that she didn't think to deny him an answer. Maybe she should have. "C'mon now, indulge an old man's curiosity."

"There...there is one." she answered meekly.

"That so?" Naruto's smile twitched. Just a bit. "He got a name?"

...Jaune." a tiny bubble of frustration welled up within her as she gazed back to the stands. Jaune didn't see her; he was too busy chatting animatedly with Ruby. The sight stung more than she cared to admit. "I've been training him, but I don't think he's even aware of me...or my feelings."

"Hmm. Jaune, eh? Jaune." Her father's smile grew three sizes that day, and not in a pleasant way. "Maybe I should have a word with him."

Those words sounded innocent enough, but for some reason they filled Pyrrha with dread. Jaune wasn't strong. Jaune was soft. Jaune was squishy. Naruto would snap him in half! She had only one defense against them, a single sentence to defend her crush against all the horrors the whiskered warrior wished to visit upon him.

"Daddy, no!"

Naruto cackled all the way back to the shop.

As luck would have it, Qrow Branwen was not awake after all. They found the poor man sprawled on the floor and Raven standing over him, one boot planted firmly on his chest, with her sword drawn. Had that been the end of it, perhaps they might yet have avoided the spectacular disaster that followed. Sadly, it was not to be.

Because Raven was pointing her sword at _someone else,_ tickling their chin with crimson steel.

Pyrrha's eyes followed the length of the blade, and widened when she recognized the individual at the end of it. How could she not? The man's face was plastered on wanted posters throughout Vale. She knew that cheeky grin, that orange hair, that distinctive black bowler cap and flaring white coat.

"Oh, what the hell." Roman Torcwhick hissed as he saw them. "Nobody told me this was _your_ place! Is there no honor among thieves?! Is nothing sacred anymore?!"

She did not, however, recognize the young girl currently _choking to death_ in Raven's left hand. Cold red eyes gazed at the poor thing as her little legs kicked futilely in the air, mismatching eyes widening in horror as she gasped for air. Raven was smiling at her, and it was a cruel thing indeed. Almost as if she were enjoying it, reveling in the act of slowly watching the life leave her eyes-

"Raven!" Naruto snapped. "Drop the girl!"

"They were going to blow up your shop." came the growl.

"Don't care." the blond slashed a hand through the air. "Drop her. Now."

Remarkably, the woman obeyed and released her prey. Against her better judgement, Pyrrha dashed to the girl's side and tried to steady her. Tiny hands clutched at her. She looked so small. So afraid. And yet Raven was ready to kill her at the drop of a hat. Why? Why was this happening? She didn't understand, and it terrified her, threatening to ruin what had, until this very moment, been a wonderful evening.

"I don't understand." the words all but tumbled from her lips as she looked about, casting for an answer. "What's going on here?"

Naruto blew out an angry breath. "Well...this actually works out. Been meaning to talk to you. Roman, my boy...

He spun a chair out for the thief.

A clawed hand beckoned to said chair with graceful poise.

...lets have a little chat." It was command, not an invitation. "Whaddya say?"

**A/N: Ask and ye shall receive!**

**We'll pick up right where we left off next chapter.**

**Seriously, several of the scenes you see in this story come from the minds of readers like you. Suggestions were made, and the best ones made it into this story. ****So by all means, speak your minds. We love hearing from you guys.**

**Pyrrha's fight kinda took over this chapter, didn't it? To quote her? I'm sorry! Roman and Neo will have their time to shine in the next, rest assured.**

**Some have compared Naruto to John Wick in this story; they're right on the money, in a sense. Both are absolutely lethal, both left behind their chosen professions for the sake of a normal life. Wick went that way for love, while Naruto lost his and decided to try his hand at a more mundane lifestyle for awhile. He's not disillusioned with his way of life, he simply sought a more enjoyable career rather than live as a glorified Grimm Slayer. ****But unlike Wick, he has a lot more to protect.**

**Lets set up a theoretical scenario. Wick loses his puppy to some punk kid. Result? A sizable body count.**

**Naruto loses a daughter, or gods forbid...Raven? Vanessa? Both? Goodbye Vale. ****If he loses everyone? Goodbye REMNANT.**

**Meanwhile we have Cinder doing Salem' bidding, woefully unaware of the ticking time-bomb nearby. ****Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. Might wanna watch your step there, Cindy. This is one dragon you don't want to wake...**

**As ever, reviews are my lifeblood. Without them, I cannot write.**

**So In the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

**...Revieeeeew, Would You Kindly?**

**They keeps an old man alive.**

**And enjoy the previews.**

**As ever:**

**SPOILER! SPOILER! SPOILER!**

**PLOT DETAILS AHOY!**

**YE BE WARNED!**

**Get ready to smile~!**

**Obvious references are obvious~!**

**(POTENTIAL! Previews!)**

**By all means, tell which ones you like~!**

_Adam hissed and __Blake hissed right back. "What is this?!"_

_"Counseling." Naruto chirped. "Now sit the hell down, eat your cake, and talk."_

* * *

_Vanessa hummed softly as she stepped inside._

_"Such a lovely place. Needs a bit of sprucing up, though."_

_Pyrrha noticed the large case slung over her mother's shoulder. "You...brought your weapon?"  
_

_"Of course I brought it along, dear." Vanessa smiled sweetly. "I've got a man-stealing hussy to slay...or seduce. Whichever comes first, I suppose. Now, where is that little birdie..._

* * *

_"You're actually bringing your weapon?" Raven regarded the ringed staff in his hand with a look of dread. "Is that...wise?"_

_"Might need to break some bones." the blond hummed. "I'll be back in a few hours. Don't mind me."_

_"Sweetie," Vanessa sighed, "Pyrrha's going on a date, not a mission! She'll be fine!"_

_...might need to break her date, then." Naruto amended quickly._

_"I'm more afraid of you breaking the damn continent!"_

* * *

_ "People keep asking if i'm back. And I haven't really had an answer. I wanted to leave my old life behind. Be something better, you know?" Raven stood slowly, sending the chair spinning behind her. "I was tired of fighting a pointless battle in a pointless war. I wanted to prove something to myself. Prove that I could be better. But now?" a hand flew to the hilt of her sword. "I'm thinking I'm back. Now get your filthy mitts off my kid and give her back or so help me..._

_Red eyes burned with unholy scarlet flames._

**_...YOU WILL DIE SCREAMING."_**

* * *

_"It was a good plan." Naruto acknowledged their shout with a nod. "Really it was. Short. Brutish. Simple. But you made one critical mistake. You tried to take away what was mine." __The gun rose in his hand with an ominous click. __You know, I really don't like using these things." he remarked, gazing at the cold metal barrel with quiet disdain. "They're so uncivilized. But you can't deny they're efficient. One shot. One kill. __For what it's worth, I'm sorry...but Roman's my kid, which technically makes Neo my granddaughter, now that I think about it. Cinder's annoying enough, but I want to deal with her. You, however...well, I just can't abide anymore harm coming to them._

_He squeezed the trigger and a__ single round slammed into their skull._

**R&R~!**


	9. Apples and Trees

**A/N: ****PLEASE READ THIS NOTE, WOULD YOU KINDLY?**

**Kept you waiting, huh? ****This chapter is told from multiple perspectives and hoo boy, its a wild one. Looking forward to your reviews~!**

**Once again, I'm sorry for the wait, this chapter was delayed due to multiple reasons, including Covid, a car crash, and finally surgery. I had to rewrite this chapter three bloody times before I was satisfied with it; which proved difficult given that I only have one functional arm and eye at the moment. Hmm. Is this how Cinder felt after Ruby beat her ass back in Beacon? At least I'll regain full function in them eventually...**

**So lets answer a few questions, eh?**

**Q: You've implied Naruto's been around for awhile in this story. Eternal youth and all that. Who's older? Him or Ozma? Salem, maybe?**

**A: Salem and Ozma have been around for thousands of years. Eons, really. ****By comparison, Naruto's only a few hundred or so. He wasn't there for the beginning of their conflict; hell at this point, he just wants a normal life. Hence the bakery bit.**

**Q: Just how storied is Naruto's past here? Will we ever see the full breadth of it?**

**A: I feel the need to repeat this; at one point Naruto and Raven were...not the best of people. Basically? John Wick on steroids. ****These two were murderers. Monsters. Killers. Yes, they did so for a good cause, but the fact remains that they aren't proud of their past. Naruto settled down. Raven is STILL settling in.**

**Do not wake those dragons. Lest ye burn.**

**Q: I knew it, I knew it, I knew it! Roman's his kid! Somebody better pick up that phone because I called it!**

**A: Yup, that cat's out of the bag. Most of his kids seem to be redheads XD**

**Roman's mother will also be revealed in this chapter.**

**What can I say? Puns for days.**

**Q: Just how many kids does he have?!**

**Many of his encounters were simple one night stands after he and Raven parted ways. Many of them led nowhere. But some...**

**Well. You've seen a few already. He hasn't fathered the entire cast, but the **

**Q: How big is the pairing. Surely you won't make it that large...**

**A: Allow me to pose a riddle to you, dear reader. I'd like you remember three words. Mage. Warrior. Thief. What do they have in common? They're three different classes of course. But those words I just used? They signify three different people. You've met the "Mage". I made her quite obvious. You've already witness the "Warrior" as well. That leaves the "Thief" as it were. ****Confused? Good! They'll become quite clear by the end of this chapter.**

**Q: Can Naruto create his own pseudo-Maidens of a sort?**

**A: He could if he was keen on sharing his chakra. He isn't. Hell, he's _very_ leery about teaching Pyrrha anything chakra related all. Remnant is bad enough without shinobi running around.**

**Once more, I own no quotes, references, or memes. **

**Papa!Naruto is best Naruto, and woe betide anyone who hurts his kids.**

_"How busy were you?!"_

_"More than you'd think, less than you'd expect."_

_~a strange discussion._

**Apples and Trees**

_Roman Torchwick had never been one for regret before._

To be fair, when you are a master thief _-Excuse me?! Get my title right! Renowned gentleman thief and former huntsman, wanted all over Vale, thankyouverymuch!-_ you really didn't have time for petty feelings like regret or remorse. If he'd stopped to feel shame for every person he hurt in his storied career, he would've turned himself in a long time ago._ But this? _

_Yeah, he regretted this. All of it. Every damn bit of it._

"Roman, Roman, Roman." A pair of strangely _familiar_ blue eyes drilled into his across the table, their owner frowning at him like a child with one hand caught in a cookie jar. "I'm very disappointed in you."

At his side, Neon tentatively raised a hand in innocent inquiry.

"You stay put, missy!" the baker stabbed his finger at her, causing the petite girl to flinch. "You've been just as bad!"

Frankly, Torchwick was pretty damn dissapointed in _himself_ right now. Really, blowing up a bakery? In the middle of the night? And getting caught to boot?! He wasn't a damn terrorist! He lived by a code...or rather, he used to. Morals never lasted long when someone like Cinder Fall had you by the balls.

_'Just look at me now, mum.'_ he thought bitterly to himself._ 'I'm a monster. Just like you.'_

Like it or not, he hadn't had much say in the matter. He still didn't. When you were recruited by Cinder, guilt quickly becomes secondary. Survival? Yeah, that shit's primary. A broad like her gives you two choices. Obey or die. Those were your only options. You couldn't fight. He'd tried in the beginning, and she'd beaten him and Neo handily, leaving them within an inch of death. Running wasn't an option either. Vale was his home -his turf- his territory. His name meant something here. To leave that behind...nope. Couldn't do that.

Where people like Cinder were concerned, you served long enough until you could find a way out from her thumb...or they disposed of you.

So when the order came down to blow up some random-ass bakery he'd never been to? Yeah, he didn't _like_ the idea of taking lives, but he liked dying even less. It should have been a quick in an out. They were here to set an example. By destroying a popular eatery in Vale, lil' miss firebrand aimed to sow discontent and negativity in Vale. Such had been the plan. But plans seldom survived contact with the enemy. This one had barely made it through the front door before that bloody bitch trashed it.

Now he knew better.

This was a test, or at least it had been. Roman was pretty damn sure they'd failed. Rather, he and Neo had been set up _to_ fail in the first place. Blasted baker had cottoned on far too fast for his liking. Almost like he _knew_ this would happen. Well, at least little miss perfect redhead here wasn't here to glare at him anymore. Pyrrha Nikos had been ushered home under the watchful eye of what he could only assume was a clone semblance of some sort. And wouldn't she have quite the story to tell come tomorrow? But that was neither here nor there. Now? Now, Roman was

"I suppose I could ask you what you stood to gain from blowing up my bakery," his captor sighed, "But I already know the answer. You didn't do this of your own accord. Someone put you up to it."

Roman's jaw snapped shut with an audible click. "No idea what you're talking about-

Naruto's fist slammed down on the table, rattling glasses and plates alike. Blue eyes blazed red. **"Do not lie to me, young man!"**

Killing intent. There could be any other word for it. Fear froze Roman's tongue to the roof of his mouth and stilled any semblance of speech. As if a thunderbolt had shot down from the heavens and paralyzed him where he sat, so too did he find himself unable to move. Every muscle clamped down, refusing to so much as twitch for fear of earning the ire of the being before him. Death. He was looking into the eyes of death itself; the grimm reaper reborn. An abyss without end, a force of nature that would roll right over him at the slightest provocation.

Naruto snorted angrily and turned his gaze elsewhere.

"Neo, was it?" The illusionist stiffened under those eerie slitted eyes, but the baker knew no mercy. "Come here."

Much to Roman's chagrin scooted over and hopped onto the blond's right knee, eliciting a surprised grunt from him and a scowl from his companion. Roman wanted to applaud. Clever girl, playing the sympathetic angle as she was. One hand came down on the slim girl's shoulder to steady her, and sure enough, Naruto's expression softened.

Wait. She _was_ pretending, right? Right?!

"Tell me, the one who ordered you to do this...does her name start with a "C" and end with an "R" by any chance?" when the little psycho dithered, lower lip trembling, he gave her a light tap. "Don't be afraid. I won't hold it against you. We'll protect you."

"Speak for yourself." Raven groused.

Her gaze met Roman's and with a nod, Neo crumbled like a house of cards. Not for herself, but for him. Damnit, Neo!

"So this was Cinder's handiwork, then. Good girl." Naruto patted her head. "Now, then. Roman. Enough about this awful business. Tell me about your mother." he continued. "There's a theory I'd like to confirm."

"Yeah, not gonna happen bub-urk?!" The thief's retort became a gurgle as Omen settled against his throat, its tapered tip tickling the ridge of his adam's apple. A thin line of blood sluiced down his neck to stain his coat a garish shade of red. Blast it. Total loss, that. Bloodstains were impossible to wash out. He'd have to throw it away.

"He wasn't _asking_, you wretch."

"Alright, alright." his hands came up, palms splayed. "Lets not be hasty here! I'm no good to you dead!"

"Raven, put the sword down." Naruto raised a hand to forestall an argument before Neo could move. "We don't do that here. Not anymore."

"Outside then." Raven countered, jerking her head toward the door. The motion sent her ebony hair swaying. A silent shiver shook Roman's soul as she continued. "We'll dump the bodies in the river and make love down by the waterfront. It'll be just like old times."

_"Raven."_

...fine." she swept her blade aside and sheathed it in a crimson flourish. "Spoilsport."

Roman slumped back in his seat with a gasp, massaging his throat. Too close. He'd nearly lost his head there. Neo hopped out of Naruto's lap and hastened to his side. She shot a baleful glare over her shoulder at Raven, uncowed by the burning red eyes that drilled her way. Torchwick didn't have the courage to meet her gaze. Not after that little display. What was this, the good cop bad cop routine? Nah. Probably not. Cops didn't act like this. Hell, bloody criminals didn't pull this kind of shit!

"Yeah," he croaked. "I'm fine. Just let it go...

"Roman. Buddy. Pal." Almost immediately, Naruto pinned him with his gaze once more. "Behave yourself. You cannot begin to comprehend the amount of fucks my wife does not give about you right now."

"Um...zero?"

Raven's reaction proved more vocal. "Wife...?!"

"Well, yeah." the blinked back at her. "Why the weird look? 'Course I'm gonna put a ring on it. Anyway, her feelings for you?" he continued seamlessly seeking Torchwick's gaze once more. "Zero. Might wanna watch your words."

_"Less_ than zero," the bloody woman hissed. "Right down into the negative."

"So let's not anger her, yeah?" his captor hummed.

She'd kill them both without so much as a second thought. Blondie here was the only one stopping her. He was beginning to see why Cinder was so interested in these two. They weren't normal. Their casual discussion of murder and screwing aside, they were strong. Stronger than her, possibly. Did she want to recruit them? Was that her aim? More and more it felt like she'd hung him and Neo out to dry, the bitch.

They were a _meal_ for blondie and the bloody woman.

"So you don't wanna talk about your mother, eh?" said blond swung one leg up onto the table and crossed it with the other. "That's alright. I can imagine why you'd be reluctant to do so." he steepled his fingers, carefully placing his chin atop them. "I've got more than enough words for the both of us."

He leaned forward and shattered Roman's world.

"Your mother is -was!- Sapphire Torchwick." Try as he might the gentleman thief couldn't quite contain the twitch that followed. "She was a murderer. Assassin. Killer for hire. But I'm sure you already know this." Roman's face twitched again and and the baker's grin grew to shit-eating proportions. "Struck a nerve, have I? Your mother was good at that. Among...other things."

"Bull." How did this punk know his mum? He couldn't possibly be...nah. There was just no way. His vision tunneled, blind to Neo, Raven, everything else.

"Sapphire...was an exceptional woman." as he looked on, the jinchuuriki leaned back in his seat, wood creaking as he did so. "Fierce, strong, and a right pain the ass to fight. She knew what she wanted, when she wanted it, _how _she wanted it, and woe to ye if you got in her way." Something dangerously akin to nostalgia flitted across his whiskered visage. "She was possessed of a singular purpose; commitment personified." A pause. "You have more than just her name, Roman. You have her eyes...if not necessarily her hair. But that surly personality? That's all her."

Roman blinked. Wait. Why was he talking like mum was dead? Yet he couldn't help but listen, spellbound as he was.

"When we first met, she tried to kill me." A wistful look stole over his captor's face. "Ambushed me in my bed in the middle of the night. Said I was on her list. Hardest fight of my life. Her semblance completely erases her presence and leaves her invisible, you see; making her one of the few people I can't actively sense or see, much less predict. Barely got out of there alive."

"Shame she didn't kill you." Roman bit out.

"Really?" A blond brow rose. "If she had, you wouldn't have been born."

"Ha, that's rich!" the thief slapped his knee. "For a second there it sounded like you said-

"Unlikely as it may sound, I did." Naruto cut him off at the pass before he could deny it. "I _am_ your father."

_Did he just...?_

Roman's face turned chalk white as his heart skipped three beats. Though the windows were closed and the bakery sealed, he felt a frigid breeze all the same. His world derailed. The train of his thoughts ran headlong off the tracks, pitched into the ground and perished in a fiery explosion. There were no survivors. A strange buzzing sound rang in his hears, deafening him to all else. Green eyes fluttered shut and open in a rapid blink. His mind rebooted. Shut down. Rebooted again.

"No." he swallowed at last, the word sticking in his throat. "No. No, that's not true. That's_ impossible._ My old man was a drunk and a deadbeat. He left before I was born."

"Is that what Saph told you?" all he received was a pitying shake of the head. "She never was a very good liar."

"N-No." he slammed to his feet and stumbled back. "You're lying! _You!_ Not her!"

"Search your feelings. You know it to be true.

_"No!"_ he snarled. "I don't believe you!"

"I don't _care_ what you believe." Naruto caught him and hauled him back into a chair, heedless of his protests. "Now sit down. You're not going anywhere until we've finished our business here."

Neo inhaled soundlessly through her teeth. At first, Roman thought she might be laughing at him, but then she looked at him. Back to Naruto. Back at him again. To Naruto once more. A series of quick gestures followed. At any other time, Roman might have hushed her. Now he saw what she saw. He wished he hadn't. It was there in the stubborn set of his jaw, the shape of his eyes and nose. Naruto wasn't anywhere near as pale, but there was certainly something there. Ignore it! his mind wailed! Reject it!

"Now that you say it, definitely some resemblance." Raven sulked with a shrug. "Mascara doesn't do much to hide it. Why is he even wearing it...?"

"So he's got a flare for fashion." Naruto offered one of his own. "Let him flaunt what he wants. Most of my kids are redheads anyway. If anything that proves my point."

"One isn't...

"Meh," he waved quickly. "There's always an exception to the rule...

No, no, no. They were not having this conversation!

"May I finish my story while you have a mental breakdown?"

Roman gurgled wordlessly. Naruto mistook it for acceptance and continued.

"Saph was a killer with a code. I liked that. She didn't like _me_ at first -seeing as I ruined her perfect record and all- but eventually we got past that. One thing led to another and we decided to team up. We cut a bloody path through the underworld, just the two of us." his arms spread wide, grasping for the ceiling as though to piece through it and reach the starry sky above. "I could tell you so many stories about her. She dragged me all around the world. From Vale to Mistral, to Atlas, even Vacuo. We were feared. Respected, even. Best two years of my life." a bitter laugh tumbled out of him. "She wanted kids, you know? We kept trying for the longest time."

Raven beat him to the question. "What happened?"

"Work happened." blue eyes flicked up to meet red. "I thought we were going too far. Saph didn't. She took a job in Atlas without me and vanished. Gone." Tan fingers clicked together in a snap. "Just like that." his gaze swiveled back to Roman. "She must have had you sometime since then. Now, she must've passed away too; because I know no son of hers would act like this." Blue eyes narrowed to razor-thin slits upon him. "Sapphire killed because it was all she knew how to do; because she wanted a better life for any kid she might have had-

"She's not dead, you bastard!" Rage roared in Roman's veins, turning his world red. "Stop acting like she is!"

One could heard a pin drop in the ensuing silence.

"For crying out loud!" Raven flung up her arms! "Not another one!"

"Eh?" For the first time since they'd med, Naruto looked to be at a loss for words. "Whaddya mean she's not dead." Ha! A small, vindictive part of Roman crowed at the naked disbelief now flashing across the blond's face and all it entailed. Who was denying now?! "She's gotta be dead. I couldn't find her. I spent _months_ looking."

Well good for him! Unfortunately, any glee he might have felt was overshadowed by all this _unyielding rage._

"You no good, two-bit bastard!" Torchwick lurched upright, circled the table, grabbed a fistful of the blond's jacket and yanked him forward. "She's in a coma! She's been like that _for the last five years!"_

"She was...I mean, she is?" Sympathy flitted across his face. "I'm sorry. I didn't know. What happened...?"

Roman's knee slammed into his side. "None of your damn business!"

Naruto slumped.

"Sapphire was a woman of few words, but she had her moments. Here." the man who might-or-might-not-be-his-father pulled a broken silver pendant from within his shirt and held it out to him. "Take a look at this. She gave me it as a token to remember her by." Roman scowled at it, noting the clean break in the otherwise polished metal. It was one of those old amulets, the kind that were made to be split in half. "Don't suppose you'd know where the other is? It would go a long way to confirming my story."

"Nope." he snarled. "Don't know a damn thing."

He _did._ Mum had given it to him years ago before the wasting disease got her. He was wearing it right now. It had a torn picture of it inside. He'd not thought much on it then. But now...

Reflexively he slammed a hand over his jacket to hide it. Neo saw it latched onto his arm with a firm expression. She tugged at it insistently. Roman realized her intention at once and tried to fight her off, to no avail. For all her slight size, the little devil overpowered him and thrust a hand down his shirt, fingers grasping for the bit of jewelry he wore.

"Don't you dare!"

Her forehead smacked against his, momentarily stunning him.

Neo used the opportunity to pry the necklace loose and flung it at Naruto, who in turn slotted it against its twin. The pieces fit perfectly.

Raven leaned in to look at, only to jerk back with a start. "Bugger me." She hissed. "You weren't kidding."

Neo hopped onto her shoulder and whistled wordlessly before being shaken off.

"Do you believe now?" Naruto held up the now-open pendant before him, leaving it dangling from its silver chain.

Roman saw it well enough. Moreover, he saw the picture within, the other half of the once-torn photograph. His mother he recognized well enough; her strikingly curly blue hair just as her namesake, contrasting pleasantly with a pale face and dirty green eyes. There was a man stood beside her poking her cheek, trying to draw a smile from his mum. She didn't look much pleased with him, though she leaned against him regardless. And the man beside her...it was undoubtedly the one before him now. Armed to the teeth and wearing clothes he didn't recognize, but him regardless.

All the fight bled out of Torchwick. He felt to his knees, a puppet with its strings severed. He felt faint. If Neo hadn't been there to catch him, he might've passed out on the spot.

Even then he could barely think straight.

"You...you really are...

"Aaand now I feel like a shitty parent again." the baker scratched the back of his head with a rueful chuckle. "Sorry about that. You wanna hug it out?"

"Hell no!" Roman slapped his hand away. "I'm too old for that!"

"Such hurtful words~

"Alright, then. Here's what we're going to do," Naruto pulled himself out to his feet, staring down at him intently. "I'm going to pretend tonight's little incident never happened." there came a pause as he let his words sink in, before he continued. "And in return, you're going to tell me what hospital Saph's been holed up in. I'm going to there tomorrow -during visiting hours!- to figure out what's wrong with her. And once I do, Roman?" a finger stabbed into his chest, grating painfully against his ribs. "You're going to get down on your _knees_ and beg for forgiveness. Do you understand?"

Roman managed a stiff nod. He could do nothing else. His mind was too broken to do anything more.

"Also, you're ours now." Raven stepped up beside him with resounding finality. "No more of this blowing up bakeries business. We _own_ you."

...why did he have a bad feeling about this? "So you want us to keep working for that broad or...?

"No." her at last, her smile turned cruel. "We want you to ruin her from the inside out."

"She'll kill you. You know that."

"Ha!" Naruto an' Raven shared a look. The latter laughed. "That's cute."

"Don't worry about Cinder." the former continued. "Just keep going as you have been. All we're asking is for you to feed us information as you go. She'll slip up sooner or later."

"And when she does...

"BAM!" Naruto slapped a fist into one palm."Game over."

Neo stood up straight and snapped off a sharp salute. Bit of a mistake, that.

The moment she moved, Naruto's gaze snapped to her with all the intensity of a hawk.

"And as for you!"

True to form, the agile fighter stiffened and sought to step back. Alas, she was too slow. Everyone always was when it came to Naruto. Strong arms closed around her slim form and drew her into a warm embrace. Her spin arched in his grasp, eyes flickering rapidly as she struggled to understand what he'd done to her. No killing blow this, but something else altogether. Neo trembled against him just so. Why, if Roman didn't know better he would've sworn that she sniffled just now. Surely that was his imagination...?

"Welcome to the family."

Nope. Not his imagination. Not at all!

"Eh?!" Roman sputtered. "Family?! We're not related! She ain't my kid!"

Neo squirmed around in Naruto's arms to level a piercing glare at Roman. Urk. She had him there, didn't she? Something told him any denial on his part would lose him his living privileges. He needed those. The last thing he wanted was for her to get stab-happy again. For an angry Neo was a _stabby_ Neo, and he had no desire to revisit that unholy horror.

Ice blue eyes locked onto him. "Did you take her in? Raise her?"

Roman wilted beneath their combined gaze. "Well, yeah, I kinda did but...

"Then she's my granddaughter." the blond jutted out his chin. "No objections. Whaddya say, Neo?"

The little minx touched a finger to her chin and cocked her head to one side juuust so. Somehow that glance _alone_ conveyed more meaning than words could; by the gods, Roman knew it all too well. Unfortunately for one Naruto Uzumaki, he did not. Heedless of the horror he'd just unleashed, he blew out a laugh and tousled her hair.

Roman knew what was coming next.

"Sure, you can have whatever you want. Cake, ice cream, even-oomph!" Naruto's words dissolved into a grunt as the petite girl slammed into him, wrapped both her arms around him as far as she could go, and buried her head in his stomach. "Alright, alright! I'll make you a few cakes! Mercy! I need my ribs!"

"Which leaves us with one last loose end." Raven interjected as she unsheathed her blade. "Want me to take care of our little spy?"

"That depends." The smile slipped from Naruto's face. "Is he still there?" Neo blinked up at him and he patted her head. "No, no, its alright. We're not talking about the two of you."

A muffled noise outside caught their attention.

_"I'll deal with the rat."_

Just like that, the tension came flooding back. Neo disentangled herself from her grandfather -and wasn't that a trip?- and reached for her weapon. Roman stumbled upright, mind awhirl as he fumbled for his cane. Spy? What spy? What were they on about? Surely they hadn't been followed here. Even Cinder wouldn't...oh, who was he kidding. This was _exactly_ the sort of thing she'd do. She didn't trust him enough to follow orders; ergo, she'd sent someone to tail him.

To see if he succeeded, or to watch him die.

"Say, Roman." Naruto rolled his shoulders with an audible pop. "I want you to watch what happens next. Watch _very_ closely."

He vanished in a golden flash before Roman could think to question him.

_"This is how your old man fights."_

* * *

_(.0.0.0.)_

* * *

_"I'll deal with the rat."_

With those words, Mercury Black knew his cover was blown. Silently swearing a blue streak he jolted out of the bushes and flung himself backwards, half-expecting the window to shatter at any moment. It never did, but that didn't stop him from turning tail; he booked it right out of there. He'd heard footsteps within and had no desire to face the hunters within. Right, then. Mission failed. Time to bug out and report back to Cinder before one of those monsters found him-

The door slammed open some distance behind him.

"Ah," an unfamiliar voice sighed. "He ran off-

Ha! Idiot, he'd not catch him now-

He turned and crashed headlong into someone's chest. Blazing blue eyes glowed in the dark.

"Hello, friend."

Mercury reacted accordingly to something that terrifying and slammed a spinning boot into the mans neck. An awful crack greeted him as his victim bent with the blow, twisting his head to lessen the impact. Pearly white teeth flashed back at him and he sensed something amiss about it. That smile just a little too sharp, a little too wide to be genuine. It reminded him of his own. He leaned forward, bones creaking ominously and pressed his forehead to his.

"My family's watching." he informed him primly. "So I'm going to show off a little."

Mercury blinked. "Wait, what-

_Pain._

He didn't so much see the punch as he did feel it; by then his entire body was left to fold around the fist currently sheathed in his stomach like a steel chair. Breath burst from his lungs in an explosive spray and what little food he had eaten this evening came boiling back up his throat as he toppled to his knees.

"Hey, dinner and a show." someone cackled just out of sight. "Not bad."

He glimpsed Roman's sneering face a moment before impact.

Ah. So that's how it is. "No good traitor-

"Nothing personal, kid. Survival of the strongest."

A young woman stepped up beside the man, her eyes burning with scarlet flames.

Mercury balked at the sight of her. Maiden. His mind hissed frantically. Danger, danger! Shit on a stick.

He couldn't hope to face a truly trained Maiden alone. They _hadn't_ been able to face Fall years ago and she'd since vanished to parts unknown. Had she been slain by this one? Yes? No? Maybe so? Whoever she was, she looked like she knew how to use that blade of her. Damnit, Em. She would've been useful right about now. Cinder needed her somewhere else tonight however, and that somewhere wasn't here.

"Do you need help?" she asked.

...he was going to die here, wasn't he?

"It'll be fine, Rae." a light laugh twisted the blond's gentle smile into something cruel. "After all...he's weak."

Mercury went terribly still. Something snapped in the back of his mind. All his arrogance, all his bluster, all his pride, all of it came crashing down. There it was. That word. That damn word. It slapped him dead in his face, more brutal than any blow. _Weak._ As if this bastard knew exactly what to say to him. Weak. It burned more than any attack ever could. Set his very heart ablaze. And still that big blond bastard just stood there. Taunting him. His father had been much the same way. This is a crutch. This make you weak.

_Weak. _

His legs broken.

_Weak. _

His semblance stolen.

**_Weak!_**

His very soul warped by abuse.

"Don't underestimate me old man!" "A low, shuddering breath fled from his lips. "I'll have you spitting teeth!"

"No." said man tilted his head. "You're a hundred years too young for that."

Mercury flew at him and rammed an iron boot into his face.

"Honestly, children these days." Naruto didn't even grunt as the metal caromed harmlessly off his whiskered visage. "I'll kill you, I'll murder you. I'll wreck you. You'll spit teeth. Bah!" he caught the fist that followed and broke it like so much kindling, ignoring the pained shriek that followed. "Not inventive at all. Back in my day, things were different."

"Aaargh!" Any retort Mercury might have given was swallowed by the pain he felt. He spun and slammed a boot into Naruto's face.

Blue eyes narrowed. "Put a little more force into it, would you? I didn't even feel that."

"Wha...?!"

"Do you have any idea just how _many_ people have said threatened to kill me?" his tormentor sighed, heedless of the metal boot digging into his cheek. Quick as a flash he reached up, grabbing him by the very leg he'd struck with, danging him in the air like some prize catch. "Assassins. Maidens. Monsters. Over hundreds of years." His hand tightened into a fist, buckling the metal in his grasp. "And guess what, boy? I am still here."

_He spun and slammed Mercury into the street, shattering it like so much glass._

"Their threats?" a scoff. "I barely remember them. And I'm still here."

_The whiskered warrior ripped him free and did it once again._

"Their bodies have become ash. And I'm still here."

_Mercury lashed out with his sole remaining leg._

"And when your very memory is forgotten...

_It shattered on the blond's forehead._

"I! Will! Still! Be! Here!"

With a roar the immortal swung Mercury up over his head brought him back down, a meteor ramming him into the earth to leave a human-shaped crater behind. The entire street ruptured for miles in every direction. The assassin couldn't even bring himself to cry out this time. All that emerged was a pitiful squeak of sound as he looked up at his tormentor. Having this difference of power thrust in his face galled him. He'd thought himself strong...until he wasn't. Only now did he realize how weak he truly was.

"Damnit," he all but rasped the word. "What the hell...are you...?"

"A baker, a father, a hero." The blond dipped a hand into his belt holster and tugged an ominous shape free from it. "Take your pick."

Bitter tears gathered in Mercury's eyes. Not like this. He didn't want to go out like this. He was meant to die with a bang, not a whimper. This couldn't be his end. It just couldnt.

"Really? Tears? You're going to cry now? And here I thought you had a pretty good plan." Naruto shook his head slowly. "Short. Brutish. Simple." he held the item in question aloft, watching his eyes widen. "Just like you. No doubt you were meant to follow Roman, make sure he completes his task, or barring that report back to your boss if he refuses. Brutal really. But you made one critical mistake." he cocked the weapon back with an almost lazy grace. "You tried to take away what was _mine."_

The gun rose in his hand with an ominous click.

"You know, I really don't like using these things." he remarked, gazing at the cold metal barrel with quiet disdain. "They're so uncivilized. But you can't deny they're efficient. One shot. One kill. One message delivered. For what it's worth, I'm sorry to do this...but Roman's my kid, which technically makes Neo my granddaughter. Small world, isn't it?" his smile turned grim as he raised said pistol. "Cinder's annoying enough, but I want to deal with her. You, however...well, I just can't abide anymore harm coming to them. And I can't have you running back to your master."

The barrel pressed against his skull.

"Any last words?"

Mercury spat in his face. "Screw...you!"

Naruto sighed. "You're shit at dying, you know that?"

Here at last, something broke within the assassin. "Wait! I have information!"

"I'm sure you do." An eerie click filled the air. "Unfortunately for you...I simply don't care."

He squeezed the trigger and a single round slammed into Mercury's forehead. His head snapped back.

* * *

(.0.0.0.)

* * *

Raven couldn't take it anymore.

The very _moment_ the body was buried, she grabbed Naruto.

"Upstairs. Now."

"Alright, alright." To his credit, the blond let himself be dragged toward the stairs. "See you later, Roman. We'll be in touch."

Raven didn't linger to hear whatever Torchwick said; she was too busy hauling him up the steps. And he let her, the absolute bastard. He could have snapped her wrist like a twig. Could've kicked her clean outside just as he had nearly done to Mercury. Instead he let himself be tugged along like some kind of naughty puppy all the way to the door. Didn't even look worried, the cheeky little bugger.

No sooner did they reach the bedroom than she spun about and gave him a shove; to which Naruto toppled back onto the bed with a laugh.

"Easy!" he chuckled. "You're gonna break the bed at this rate-

Omen came up under his chin, lifting his head just so.

"How many." she all but hissed the words.

Naruto blinked. _"How many what?"_

"Don't you play coy!" Wind flared flared, rattling the very room. "How many women did you screw while I was gone?!"

"Ah." His eyes sharpened. "I though it might be that."

A fireball leaped to Raven's palm, ready to be flung at the slightest provocation. Rather than panic, Naruto calmly batted the blade away from his throat, reached over, laid his fingers over the blazing sphere and closed them around it. Denied the oxygen it sought, the fire guttered out harmlessly. Not even ashes remained of its might. Only then did he deign to meet her gaze.

"Don't go blowing holes in my house, now." he chided as he leaned back. "I just fixed the place up." when she didn't wave, her exhaled in a long-suffering sigh. "You're not going to let this go, are you? Alright. How many one night stands after you ran away, or how many women did I actually _care_ about...?

"The latter." she bit out.

"Fair enough." His eyes went distant for a moment. "Excluding Nessie and Saph? Three." he held up a trio of fingers. "Of those three, one died in my arms. Another vanished in Menagerie. The last said she never wanted to see me again. And no," those same azure orbs flashed in a sudden burst of heat, "I haven't been in contact with them or anyone else since. I'm not about to go sleeping around again. I'm done with that."

"Why should I believe your words?" She regretted them the moment they left her mouth. "You could have more kids running around. Like Adam."

Something bitter burned in his gaze. "Because I'm not _you."_

Raven jerked back, eyes burning.

"One slip." she stabbed a finger at him." One. And you're never going to let me live it down. I was wrong, alright?!" she flung up her hands, fingers sparking as her emotions slipped their leash. "Is that what you want to hear? Damnit, Naruto! I was drunk and scared out of my wits! I don't even remember that night with Tai-

"Which is why I forgive you for it." His rocked back on the bed, that selfsame smile turning to a flinty scowl before her very eyes. "That's the only reason I haven't gone and knocked Taiyang's block off." Quick as a flash, his smile returned. "I like to think I'm better than that. Unlike you, I'm not some silly kid who pitches a bitch fit when their toy is taken away-

Her hand rocketed into the side of his face.

Naruto caught it easily, wrenched her wrist aside and flung Raven over his shoulder in a single seamless motion. There was no transition from one moment to the next; her The mattress cushioned her fall. It did nothing to stop him from climbing atop her and pinning her to the bed.

"Careful, now." his forehead pressed against hers, breath warm on her face. "I know you're angry, you have every right to be, but I'm not gonna sit around and let you beat up on me."

"Is that all I am to you?" she thrashed in his grasp. "A toy? Someone you're just going to throw away?!"

"No. Never." His expression softened. "You taught me the truth about this world. You were...ah, damnit." he looked away suddenly, cheeks gone rosy. "You really want me to say it that badly? Do I have to?"

Her head bobbed in a nod.

"You were my first love." he hissed the words through clenched teeth. "The one person I felt a real connection with since I came to this world. Hell, you still are. The only reason I was with anyone at all, was because of you. When you left...I felt empty. Hollow. I thought you weren't coming back. I tried to fill the void you left behind with pleasure and...other things. It didn't work." Here at last, he looked away. "I didn't plan to have kids. Never did. But I'll not abandon them. Don't ask me to."

Well. There it was. That was precisely what she wanted to hear. Why, then, did it leave her so miserable?

"I hate you." her words lacked rancor as she gave him a watery smile. "You make me weak."

"Heh. Love you, too."

His lips graced hers in a chaste kiss and this time Raven leaned into it willingly. Love. How long it had been since she'd heard those words. She did love him. He made her feel foolish and weak and soft, yet also fierce. Fiery. Young in a way she'd almost forgotten. He brought out the best in her and she in him. They were both flawed. But wasn't love flawed by its very nature? They'd had something good together once and in her fear, she'd nearly gone and ruined it. Her weakness had nearly undone them both. Lovable oaf. He'd cut off his own arm if someone asked him do. She'd spent so long running. Hiding. No more.

"No more." she said as much.

"Eh?" Naruto blinked, leaning away. "What're you on about? I already told you I haven't been with anyone in years-

"I mean no more damn kids!"

A laugh answered her. " I haven't been _that_ busy."

Raven surged upright and kissed him again, then pivoted her hips and tried to push him down as he had unto her. Naruto didn't allow it; she loved him for that, too. He was a fighter. Just like her even as they fought and scratched and clawed at each other, she found herself laughing. She tore apart his jacket and his fingers tugged at her pants, dragging them down. Her fingernails dragged at his bare back, legs locking around him.

"If you're really that _-mmf!-_ keen on having such a large family...

She gasped in his grasp, hips slowly moving against him.

Glazed eyes met his as she took him within her.

...then I'll give you one."

* * *

_(.0.0.0.)_

* * *

Naruto hissed like a scalded cat as a stray sunbeam struck his face.

It must've been bad luck or something; because it slipped through a crack the curtains and struck his eyes at just the right angle to wake him instantly. His first instinct was to roll over and go back to sleep. Unfortunately for him, someone had a death grip on his left arm and prevented him from doing so. Which left the sun blazing down into his face. Naruto tried to ignore it. He really, truth did.

"Ugh, my head...what did I drink last night?"

He sniffed once, inhaling deeply. Ah. He knew that scent.

"Shaddap will ya?" someone pawed at his chin. "I'm tryin' ta sleep...

Sure enough when he turned his head he found one Raven Branwen spooned up against him. She wrinkled her nose beneath his gaze and realization dawned. Blue eyes flitted upward, beheld his ruined apartment and the vast litany of clothing scattered about the four corners of the room. A familiar black lace bra hung from a lamp and...yup. Those were his trousers flung over the couch; a couch that looked to have been snapped in half. As he continued to take stoke of his ruined room, a faint bead of sweat ran down his brow.

Ah. Now he remembered.

When he glanced down, he found her blinking back up at him. "Sleep well?"

"Hmm." she graced him with a sly smirk. "I'm damn sore."

His grin grew imperceptibly. "That a yes?"

"Stop fishing for compliments." Her hand struck weakly against the scarred plane of his chest as she nuzzled her head into him. "Won't do you any good."

"Wouldn't have to if you weren't so damn prickly."

Funny thing about Raven. She might be a bit of a tsundere, but when she latched onto something? She latched hard. You'd need a dust-powered crowbar to have any hope of prying her off. Perhaps that was a bit of her upbringing shining through. Raven was a warrior, born and raised among bandits. When she wanted something? She took it. Woe betide whoever tried to take it _back._

"You know you love it." she tossed her head, flinging the dark curtain of her hair over one shoulder.

Naruto saw weakness and pounced. "Speaking of love...weren't you the one screaming my name last night?"

"Hey!" Raven's pale face flushed to match the color of her eyes. "Bastard. You really haven't changed at all, have you?"

They had, the both of them, but neither wanted to admit it. Raven was calmer now, less prone to making rash decisions and more keen on attachment. He'd become tethered to this world and those living here; just as he had begun to see eternal youth as less a curse and more a blessing. He wasn't invincible by any means or measure...just hard to kill. And besides, huntresses aged _real_ slow. Maidens? Even slower. Raven didn't look a day over thirty. Not that he'd say such a thing. She was a bit touchy about that.

"Depends on your definition of the word." he pressed a kiss to her forehead instead. "But you're certainly better, I'd say."

"Hmm." she snuggled closer. "Flattery will get you everywhere. By all means, praise me more."

His eyes drifted down. "Well, you've got a nice ass."

"Idiot." she dragged his face down to hers and kissed him roughly.

They lay like that for what felt like an eternity, simply luxuriating in the feel of one another.

"Cinder's going to attack Beacon, you know." Raven pulled away and prodded his ribs beneath the sheets. "If she thinks the Fall Maiden is here...

"Hmm." Naruto granted her a sigh. "Yeah, she probably will, assuming I don't talk her out of it. Maybe she won't."

"You're counting on it." Not a question. An accusation. "You don't think she'll listen to you."

"She's stubborn and believes she holds all the cards." Fifty-fifty on that one, honestly." Roman didn't know enough of her plans, but he could make an educated guess as to her intent. "Its a shame, really. She doesn't realize she's got a losing hand." he wrapped an arm around her and in a rare moment of tenderness, Raven allowed it and moved closer to him. Dark hair brushed his bare chest as they cuddled beneath the sheets. "You can take her, right? She's not a Maiden...yet. Even if she somehow becomes one, you'd still win. You're more experienced."

"I would...but what about you? No mercy for a poor unfortunate soul?" she threw his own barbs back at him. "No second chances for little Cinder? None at all?"

"No." there was an edge to his words now, one she recognized. "If she attacks, the kids will be in her line of fire. She tries? She dies."

She granted him a fiery smile. "That's more like it."

Her lips danced across his neck, finding their way to his chin, and finally, his mouth.

Naruto was many things, but at the end of the day, he was still a warrior at heart. Just because he'd eschewed the old way didn't mean he'd forgotten it. If came to a fight, their enemies would be sorely surprise. Just as Mercury had been. Cinder had no idea who she was messing with. But she would. In time.

A distant clamor downstairs caught their attention.

"Uh, boss?" one of his clones called from below. "Might wanna come see this."

"Nope. Still sleepy." Naruto stifled a yawn into Raven's shoulder. "Can't you handle it?"

"We could," his doppenganger called, "But I'm pretty sure you'll want to see this. Qrow's awake. Also, we've got company..

"Finally woke up, did he?" Raven laughed into his shoulder. "Go on." she gave him a nudge. "I'll be here. Come back to bed when you're ready."

Blue eyes met red and he stayed for a long, lingering kiss. "Lazy bird."

She flipped him off with a laugh.

* * *

_(.0.0.0.)_

* * *

Qrow Branwen was indeed awake as Naruto stumbled downstairs, but he wasn't the one shouting.

_"You can't take her!"_

"For crying out loud, you're too damn noisy...

"Silence!" Came the answering cry! "I'll have you both arrested!"

Naruto stifled a yawn with the back of his hand as he descended the stairs.

He saw Deery first, all but hiding behind the drunken bird's shoulder. Pyrrha stood before _him,_ arms splayed wide as she warded off a man Naruto didn't recognize. Adorable. Deery aside, Qrow didn't need any protection. Whoever this was, they'd bit off more than they could chew. The reason for her anger wasn't immediately apparent, however.

"Mornin', Pyrrha." he called into the chaos. "What's going on?"

Jade orbs snapped to him with relief. "Dad! Do something! He's out of control!"

"And _he _is...?"

As he drew closer, he beheld a stout-looking man clad in a creme-colored suit, raging at the invincible girl and hungover huntsman alike. All told, the fellow appeared to be in his late forties. Wasn't much to look at, either. All quivering jowls with thin greying-red hair framed by dark eyes with garish sideburns tapering up into a bristly handlebar mustache. He looked like he might pop out of that suit at any moment. Meh. A small, nasty voice chirped away in the back of his head. Port's was bigger. In better shape, too. And _that_ was saying something!

"You there!" the whale took one look at Naruto and started pointing fingers. "Do you work here?!"

"Something like that." the blond uttered another jaw-popping yawn. "We just opened. Ya need something?"

"I am Franklin Winchester," the man sputtered loudly, "Scion of the Winchester household! I would have words with you!"

Ugh. Too early for this, it was. He dug a finger into one ear, wishing he could just ignore the fop before him. "And I should care because...?"

The man stabbed a finger at Deery. "Your employee assaulted my son, Cardin!"

Deery whimpered and tucked herself further behind Qrow. "No, I didn't!"

"Silence, wench! You'll never work in this city again!"

Pyrrha bit back a growl. Naruto waved her down before she could say something to implicate herself. Wait. Winchester? He knew that name. Upon closer inspection, he noted some resemblance to Cardin, fleeting though it might be. He looked like him. Well, he would've if Cardin had completely let himself go, stopped exercising and gained two hundred pounds overnight. Blech. Moreover...what he'd just said...

"Oh? Is that the lie he told?" A lie, if there ever was one. Coward. Cardin didn't want to admit that he'd been manhandled by Nora. "This faunus beat him up?"

Deery wilted. "I really didn't...

"Indeed!" Franklin missed his sarcasm as he looked up at him, heedless of the difference in height. "This filthy vagabond broke my boy's arm!

"That's a lie! She never laid a hand on him!"

"Quiet, you wretched little upstart!" Winchester blustered right through Pyrrha's denial. His gaze snapped back to Naruto. "You, there! Boy! I demand to speak to your manager at once!"

Pyrrha froze.

Deery perked up.

A wicked grin split Naruto's face.

Qrow swore softly to himself. "Ah, bugger."

"He wants to speak to the manager?" a clone chuckled.

"Did you hear that?" Another echoed. "He wants to speak to a manager."

In that moment, any pity Naruto might have felt shriveled up and died. Ohh...this was going to be one of those days, wasn't it._ Fine._ He erupted into an ear-piercing shriek of laughter then; a deep, throaty sound that left Winchester on the back foot. Three quick strides carried him forward. Another placed him well within striking distance. A fifth saw his forehead pressed against Winchester's now-puce-colored face. Here at last, a faint look of alarm passed across the portly man's sweaty visage.

"I AM the manager, little man." Behind him, Pyrrha preened, but he wasn't done. "Your boy's a bigot. He was harassing my employees, so I threw him out. Deery didn't so a damn thing. Also...

He lurched forward, grabbing a fistful of the man's coat.

...that's my darling daughter you just insulted."

Clenched knuckles blurred upwards.

* * *

_(.0.0.0.)_

* * *

Such a homely little place, this bakery.

Vanessa Nikos had glimpsed it from afar and knew she had arrived.

Nestled in the very heart of Vale, Baker's Dozen was immediately visible to the naked eye. Easily accessible off a main thoroughfare, she recognized the sign immediately. This must be the place. After all, her daughter's directions had matched with those given by Naruto, and neither were the sort to lie.

But with each step she took toward it, her heart began to hammer.

Even from here she could hear a lively commotion within. What if they didn't want to see her?

_ No! Stop!_ She shook her head fiercely, crimson hair flying about her head like a halo. Focus. She could do this. She just had to reach out...grasp, the handle...

She'd only just done so when someone came crashing through the wooden frame and breakneck speed. Instinct took over, years of poised reflexes compelling her to act. She lashed out, backhanding the brute before he could collide with her and ruin her outfit. A meaty thunk greeted her ears and then he was gone, crashing past her. Only then did she realize what she'd done. Chagrined, she looked backward.

"I'm sorry!" she called out after him.

Franklin Winchester didn't answer; rather, he lacked the capacity. He was already halfway across the street, tumbling like an oversized boulder and squealing all the while. Vanessa briefly considered assisting him before she thought better of it. Meh. He had Aura. He'd be fine...probably. Besides, that looked like a Winchester, and everyone knew the Winchester family was a big 'ol bag of dicks. No love lost there.

Humming

Vanessa hummed softly as she stepped over the broken timber and into the shop.

"My, my." she sighed. "I didn't expect this place to be quite so...rowdy."

Pyrrha's voice greeted her almost immediately. "Mom?!"

Vanessa saw her daughter for all of a moment; then she saw the man standing behind her. Blue eyes bulged. Jade orbs narrowed. The world ground to a halt. Any lingering reservations she might have felt in that moment burned to ash as she laid eyes on him. He saw her. She saw him. He...He was just as she remembered. A switch flipped in the back of her head. Naruto saw it; knew what was about to happen, and made no move to flee, nor did he try to stop her. Good boy.

Target. Acquired.

"Hey, Nessie." he raised a hand. "How was your flight-mmph!"

Vanessa didn't speak. There was no need for words here. Her arms flung themselves around the back of his neck, hauling him forward. Her mouth crashed against his, silencing any hope of protest. Naruto stiffened for all of a moment before he melted into her, gently cradling her waist and her heart soared for it. She felt like a young girl again, wild and spirited and free...even as she forced herself to retreat.

"Quite nice, thank you for asking." the warrior purred as she pulled away. "This is a lovely place. Needs a bit of sprucing up, though."

"Wait." Pyrrha noticed the large case slung over her shoulder and regarded it with something akin to dread. "Did you...really bring your weapons?"

"Of course I brought them along, dear." Vanessa smiled sweetly and patted her head. "I've got a man-stealing hussy to slay...or seduce. Whichever comes first, I suppose. Now, where is that little birdie...

A distant crash above her answered immediately. "Is that who I think it is?!"

Vanessa's smile turned malicious. Second target. Acquired.

_"Right on time."_

**A/N: Fight next chapter. ****Ask and ye shall receive!**

**Well, well, well! A lot happened this chapter. Hope you all enjoyed it.**

**Clearly, I've been watching Jujutsu Kaisen. Helluva show, that. ****Sadly, I had to save the Blake's little "counseling" bit for later. Would have felt forced here. ****Mama Nikos is here and, it seems she's here to stay, to say nothing of Torchwick and Neo. The story is picking up, folks!**

**As ever, reviews are my lifeblood. Without them, I cannot write.**

**So In the Immortal Words of Atlas...**

**...Revieeeeew, Would You Kindly?**

**They keeps an old man alive.**

**And enjoy the previews.**

**As ever:**

**SPOILER! SPOILER! SPOILER!**

**PLOT DETAILS AHOY!**

**YE BE WARNED!**

**Get ready to smile~!**

**Obvious references are obvious~!**

**(POTENTIAL! Previews!)**

**By all means, tell which ones you like~!**

**What can I say? This iteration of Naruto likes to troll others.**

_"Fight! Fight! Fight!"_

_"A hundred on the red-eyed beauty!"_

_"Wha? No way! The redhead's got this in the bag!_

* * *

_"There." Naruto pulled his hands away, and the green glow of chakra reluctantly abated. "All done. It might take a bit for her to wake up..._

_Dirty green eyes fluttered open at once._

_...or she could wake up now." he palmed his face with a sigh. "Damnit, Saph. You never make things easy, do you."_

_Her gaze shifted. Locked onto him like a laser. "Hello, lover." she whispered. You look like fucking shit."_

_"Didn't miss that foul mouth of yours. You don't look much better...here. Drink."_

_Roman choked as the man who claimed to be his father pressed a cool glass of water to his mother's mouth. He swore again when she allowed the close contact and drank greedily. __Shit. He hadn't been lying. H__e released a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. _

_"Hey, mum."_

_His mother shifted among the pillows and briefly blinked up at him, blinking away the cobwebs of slumber. She blinked once. Twice. Thrice. Then her eyes widened. Recognized him. Beheld the blood on his jacket. __She did not move. She blurred. Her body all but exploded out of the hospital bed, latched onto his right ear, and yanked his forehead down to hers._

_"Who are you," she snarled, "And what have you done with my son?!"_

_"Owowow! Mum! Quit it! You're embarrassing meee~!"_

* * *

_"You killed one of my agents."_

_"Did I?" he didn't look up from his meal. "I can't recall."_

_"Mercury!"_

_"Ah yes, the one with the metal legs..._

* * *

_"I'm not above taking you over my knee."_

_Glynda's confidence died an ugly death. "You wouldn't dare."_

_A blond brow rose with subtle menace. "Don't test me, young lady."_

_Somewhere in the background, Raven Branwen absolutely howled with laughter._

**R&R~!**


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